Psycho Love
by LittleQueenie
Summary: As the son of the rumored dangerous Zoldyck family, Killua messes up a mission and gets caught nearly committing a murder. Only instead of to prison, he's sent to an institution to assess his psychological health. It's here where he is put on the case of two strange, dubious psychologists that seem to have as many secrets as Killua himself has. (IllumixKillua AU)
1. Chapter 1

_'Come here.' I gestured for the boy to step closer. Just a couple of seconds ago, he'd blatantly admitted he took a liking to me. Even when I'd just stared at him for a while and told him he was being rude because acting upon something like this would put my profession at risk, he'd still stood there with a determined look on his face. Where this certainty had come from was a mystery to me._

_This 14 year old boy is determined to play the upper hand on me. I need to make sure he doesn't get that. _

_With all the confidence that he'd demanded for me to date him, he took very careful steps towards me. I sat up and shuffled to the edge of the large chair and waited for him to get close enough. I never broke eye contact, and I could feel he was starting to get bashful under it. Moving this session to his house for one time had been a bad idea, and I should've said no to my supervisor when he'd asked me to take this session without him. For a while now, Killua had shown signs of tempting me into doing something I couldn't do. He was trying to remove me from his case, wasn't he? Being in his domain when admitting these things, had certainly given him an edge. But I wasn't so easily taken care of as he thought._

_'For someone uttering the words "I know you like me, so why aren't we doing this" you're awfully slow in your approach. Have I not responded to your expectations?' He scowled when I actually said it. _

_'Tch. None of your responses are normal, I have every reason to be careful.' I raised my brow a little. He had a point there, but I wouldn't let his reason get in the way. _

_'I'm putting my work on the line here, please hurry it up.' He increased his pace a little until he stood right in front of me, in between my legs. I looked up at those big eyes, and sighed inwardly when I thought about the calculated risks. 'What do you want me to do?' He scoffed at me when I actually asked him. _

_'Don't have any ideas of your own?' I inclined my head slightly and decided to just do this so it would be over and done with. By now I've learned this white haired boy has too many reasons not to back down unless the situation was treated. Even if I'd be taken off this case, I would not be left alone. If I want him and his family off my back, I need to let them think they're winning the game. _

_So I lifted my hands, and very lightly stroke my fingertips up his upper legs, over his hips and landed on his waist with my palms. The look in his eyes had changed. For the first time since I'd started treating this boy, there was genuine doubt. He'd never done anything sexual before, that much was clear. His head was probably full of it, but the expectations he'd put on himself because of his reputation were way too high. With just a deep kiss he'd probably be hard in no time. _

_I refrained from commenting on any of this though, and slowly trailed my gaze down from his face, over his chest, and lowered my hands to his hips when I closed my head in on his lower abs. I hovered there for a second – feeling the tension in his body – before kissing the clothed area. _

_'…' A slight huff escaped his lips, and I released the pressure before applying it more firmly on a spot next to it. I pinched him while alternating in pressure and location, before making it clear where I was going. I could hear from his breaths that he was trying to keep himself from getting too excited too quickly, but he seemed to be utterly failing. He hadn't expected it to have this kind of effect, did he._

_I stopped just short of kissing all the way down before flipping my hair and looking back up at him. He looked completely flushed, and was unable to look me back in the eyes. Confrontation. _

_'I believe this is the area that's causing all these problems, isn't it?' I let one of my hands glide away from his small hips to his groin, and he twitched when I touched it. He closed his eyes and bit his lip in embarrassment. His bark seems to be greater than his bite. 'It seems it's reacting quite well.' I trailed my fingers over it some more, making him lift his hand so he could bite on the back of it – opening his eyes again and forcing himself to look back down at me. He was pleading for me to stop playing around. _

_'Let's take care of that and continue with the session.' My hand slid back to its original position, and I moved my lips over his groin, letting my warm breath protrude the cloth and getting an unrestrained reaction from him. _

_'Aah…' I flicked out my tongue, and trailed the contours of his growing arousal. I paid extra attention to the tip and was glad no-one was home and surveillance was taken care of with the sounds he was making. He lifted his hands, and laid them on my shoulders. Restlessly grabbing and releasing my shirt. _

_I moved my hands back some more, and massaged the flesh of his cheeks. There wasn't even direct contact needed, this boy would come within a minute if I'd keep this up. _

_But that would only confront him halfway, I needed to put a stop to this once and for all. _

_Almost in slow-motion, I pulled my mouth away from him, and slid my hands down, looking back up at him. I waited until he was ready to make eye contact again. His face had turned a bright red, I don't think he'd expected to be this overtaken by touch. _

_'Come here.' He stepped back when I closed my legs, and gestured for him to come and sit on top of me. He was heaving slightly, but unable to refuse the command. He sat up on his knees with his legs on either side of me, and lay his hands around my shoulders. It felt obvious he'd never done something of the like. _

_His face had closed in considerably, but I refused to kiss him on the lips. That would show too much intimacy and would confuse him too much. He was expecting it, but I refrained from doing it and opted to trail my tongue along his neck to his ear, kissing him just below it. _

_He pressed his body closer against me in response, but I stopped him from doing that too much. I lifted my hands and started opening his belt and zipper. As soon as I started this, he clenched his arms around my shoulders tightly, making it almost impossible for me to keep kissing his neck. I trailed my fingers along the hem of his pants and underwear, and slowly pulled them down when I'd reached the side. _

_'I do need air in my lungs.' I whispered against his skin when his grip had relocated to around my neck. He shakily moved them, before I lay my head against the side of his and I reached up to his rock hard erection. He almost bit into my ear when he gasped at the touch. He's probably done this a million times himself, but there's really no comparing to when someone else does it for you. _

_'You don't need to hold back.' As soon as I started moving my hand, I don't think his body left him any other choice. He arched his back into the feeling and breathed out hard against my skin. After that, he kept his body still for a long time when I started pumping him. It wasn't until he was getting closer that he started moving his body in rhythm with my hand. _

_I placed my lips against his skin again and wanted to pick up the pace to finish all of this, but for the first time during any of our sessions, he surprised me. _

_My eyes shot wide open when I gasped to the feeling of his hand that had snaked down and found its way to my crotch. My movements stopped for a second, thinking he realized what I was doing, and trying to make it backfire to me. But I didn't feel any kind of mirth or malice coming from him. He was actually not being completely selfish? _

_I didn't have the luxury of getting caught up in it though, and I started up again, ignoring the feeling in the lower half of my body. I pumped him until he couldn't focus on anything else anymore, and the movements of his hand stopped. He grunted out harder and I felt his body hitch just before he let himself go completely. I covered his tip with my hand to keep it away from my clothes and refrained from doing anything 'till he'd rode it out. _

_Partly choice, partly because his hand had clenched a bit too hard in my crotch when he'd come. I closed my mouth shut to keep from reacting to that, but it hurt nonetheless. I was thankful for his releasing grip together with his breath evening out as well. _

_'Can you stand up?' I asked when the grip around my neck finally loosened as well. He lifted his leg off me, and I stood up from the chair, walking towards the bathroom to clean myself up. For as far as I heard, Killua hadn't moved away from the chair. _

_'This is bad…' I opened a cabinet to get some tissues first to clean off my hands. He'd actually wanted it, it seemed. The bad thing though, had started the moment he started touching me as well. Although subdued by his unsubtle release, I had gotten excited… _

* * *

'Illumi? How did your session go?' I got shook out of my focus for a second when Zeno addressed me. I'd been staring into space for a while, organizing the cases he'd put me on before in my mind. He's been putting a lot of work on me lately. Normally that would look like a sign of trust, but it didn't feel that way. It felt like he was playing at something. I just don't know what it is yet.

'Not a problem at all.' I answered a second later. He was referring to my most recent case where the patient had just been transferred to another, by the way. It wasn't that I'd been doing badly, it was that it had nothing to do with my field anymore. I looked up at him when he went to stand beside me and stare out the window. It was mid-winter and the snow was blowing across the parking lot in a thin layer. I was hoping I wouldn't get snowed in again. This place isn't built to be a hotel.

'Good, I hear promising things from the feedback as well. Do you feel up for another case?' The old man wanted to put me on another case of his?

'Will I be supervised this time?' I looked back out the window again as well. Oftentimes I would be left alone in this even though most times we worked in pairs. I'd get milder cases and I had no problem dealing with that, but I feel like I can learn more if I would be given more of a challenge. I don't like stagnation.

'With this case you are.'

'What's the case?'

'It's a violent 14 year old boy from the Zoldyck family, Killua. He had come close to his first murder two months ago. Although judging from his reports he's probably succeeded before.' Zoldyck? That's not a small name. But not only that,

'That's a level higher than you usually ask me for.' What is he testing me for?

'I don't think it's above your capabilities. You'll be working together with Dr. Lucilfer.' I had no problems with that. Chrollo Lucilfer is a composed man, and given the opportunity I believe I can learn a lot from him. 'Don't sell yourself short.' He looked back down on me and I returned the attention. 'You're better than you think, I believe you could work on equal footing with him.' A compliment like that from you?

'I don't like flattery of this kind, but I'll be happy to accept the case.' He huffed at my response before walking away. I followed him with my eyes for a second before leaning back in my chair. I know I can most probably get along with Dr. Lucilfer on a lot of areas, but there's something different about him, about the way he handles things; and there's not an employee in this entire institution that would pass up this opportunity.

Still…

A fourteen year old boy from the Zoldyck family having been caught wanting to commit a murder. With their reputation I didn't think they'd ever get in a situation like this. I need to start reading up on this Killua.

* * *

_A/N_

_SO THIS ONE TIME MY BROTHER LEFT ME ALONE FOR HALF AN HOUR WITHOUT MUSIC AND THIS IDEA HAPPENED  
We'd locked ourselves out and he was getting a spare key from our aunt nearby. Meanwhile I stood cold and wet from the rain inside a supermarket near closing time. So naturally I thought up this. My suffering bore a beautifully strange fruit.  
Ah~ how very poetic of me.  
_

_Anyway_

_Just so it's clear, the whole sex-thing was a flashforward, and the non-italics after it is the actual start of the story of Illumi getting the case. I'll be switching POV's between Illumi and Killua from now on. Please tell me if it's unclear when I switch, I'd hate for such lack of clarity to keep you from understanding what's going on. (No seriously, 'cos people are already getting confused, and I don't really understand why, and I can't help you if you submit a guest review or don't pm me)  
(There's a legenda to how I write in chapter 3 now if you're really confused)  
  
It's gonna be more of a psychological fic, I'm really really filled up on sex because of "Will you Illuminate me" so I'm returning to my roots, so to say._

_Oh, and explanation of how this world works, will be explained in the coming one or two chapters :3_

_Hope you'll enjoy this one *bows politely*_


	2. Chapter 2

'Can you fucking believe it? They're not sending me to prison! All thanks to you, and mom and dad.' I nudged a dazed out Gon next to me. He'd asked me to walk with him to school even though I was still suspended, but he wasn't even paying attention. Knowing him, he was all up in the clouds about actually having passed a couple of grades. I scowled at him when we stopped at the traffic lights. Raising my hands behind my head, I kicked some snow his way. He looked back at me when I did that, and I ran out onto the street after that, laughing at his shocked face. No-one was on the road with this weather but Gon had been too out of it to notice that, and I scared him good.

'Idiot!' I got yelled back at me before reaching the other side without getting run over. Gon was right behind me, ready to tackle me. I avoided his first attempt narrowly, and he had to use a lamppost to stay upright.

'That's what you get for spacing out, dude!' His second attempt didn't miss though, and he smacked us both down into the thick layer of snow. Those lazy asses never cleaned the sidewalks from it.

'Well this is what you get for scaring the shit out of me!' He sat up and laughed while burying my face with the snow besides us. I sputtered a bit before coming up for air again.

'You're way too easy to startle, don't blame me for it!' I half laughed, half gasping for air. The laugh caught on, and it didn't take long for me to be able to push the guy off of me. I stood up and wiped my face clean. 'Are you actually gonna make it to next year now? It will be bo~ring without you.' Gon had failed his class last year, but with the suspension for me this year, he could actually catch up. I started walking backwards out in front of him, 'I didn't get thrown out of class just for you to fail again you dimwit.' He dusted himself off before taking a small sprint to follow me.

'Don't worry, I'm even ahead this time.' I snorted at that statement and turned back around when he'd caught up with me.

'You fucking better be, you did all this last year.' I shut my mouth after this immediately. _That wasn't true. _With everything that happened for Gon last year, of course he's flunked his classes. Fortunately he didn't read into my words all that much and changed the subject, turning the last corner before school got in sight. I was considering just crashing his classes again or at the very least hang around here until he'd be done. Anything to not spend the entire day with my family right now…

'But what were you saying?'

'You actually didn't catch any of that? You're a real space case.' I pocketed my cold hands again and turned my head to grin at him, getting a punch to the shoulder for that one. 'No but seriously, I'm not going to prison.'

'You're not?' His face lit up completely and I couldn't help myself from falling into a laughing fit because of that. _Of all the people in the world, he's actually happy about it... _I hunched over and had to stop walking for a second. This was way too ridiculous. When he looked back at me with question marks written all over his face, I could only laugh more. It took me a good minute before I could respond with proper words.

'You- you're the only one actually happy about that. You fucking weirdo!' He scrounged his face a bit in insult. But really, I'm glad there's at least someone in my life that doesn't take things as serious or personal as Gon. With everything that I've done and for all the trouble I put him in as well, he's still serious when he says he's my friend. 'Don't make that fucking face, I'm dying over here!' I laughed again before starting to walk again.

'Well, at least I'm a weirdo that can make you laugh.' He smiled the biggest of smiles back at me before I joined him again for the last couple of meters. 'But if not prison, then what?'

'The only other option, you moron.' When there was too much silence I sighed deeply and told him. 'I'm being institutionalized. I'm getting a fucking shrink. You really need to study more.'

'I'm studying all I can already.' The serious tone in that sentence made me snort, and we stopped for a second at the front gate. 'Will I be able to reach you then?'

'A hell of a lot easier than if I'd go to prison. I have no clue what the details are though.'

'When're you going?' The almost pouty face I got was breaking my heart, and I decided to change that.

'You selfish prick, you're just sad because you won't have me to help you study.' I smiled a fake smile and hit him on the shoulder, but his expression didn't really change. 'Look, I'll let you know. I'm not getting the chair, 'lright? Things'll be just fine, and I'll do my best to be back in class again when you pass it. So you better make it fucking certain I'll see you there. I'll beat the shit out of you if you fail again.' A genuine smile reappeared on his face, and the catchiness of it reached me. It seemed to have been a good enough of an answer, seeing as the subject changed again.

'You joining today again? It's more fun to annoy Bisque when you're there.' I looked up at the tall metal gate that stood open for now. Inside were a lot of familiar faces, both near and far. But all of them reacted the same when they caught sight of me. I gave them the same look back. Yes, just look away, just pretend that _I'm _the only monster. You bunch of hypocrites. Without people like you, I wouldn't even be in this situation in the first place. I would just be a kid attending school,

Still, staying here was the better option of the two for today. I looked back at Gon,

'Of course I'm joining you, but I think I'm avoiding Bisque for a while, if you don't mind.' The last experience of being caught by her was still fresh in both our memories, and we laughed a bit sheepishly at that. 'I'll be in the library the rest of the day, you better come there whenever you can.' His face lit up completely when hearing those words, and he nodded enthusiastically to confirm this before running off at the sound of the first bell.

I would like to say that Gon had nothing to do with anything I did, but as I watched him running for the door, I could see the nasty glances people were throwing him as well. "How dare he be friends with that monster." Probably something predictable like that. I entered school grounds as soon as it was all but empty and lazily made my way into the building that looked more like a monastery than an actual school.

_At least I'll be warm here. _The cold atmosphere back at home right now leaves me with more chills than any of this cold weather's doing.

* * *

Well…

_Irony always bites me in the ass when it feels like it, doesn't it? _The heating in the library had given out and no matter what kind of love and aptitude I have to take in new information, I sure as hell didn't stay in that cold, cold room. By the time Gon'd get his first break I'd be nothing more than a popsicle. He'd still have fun with me gliding me down a hill, wouldn't he. My lips raised for a second thinking about that. Gon is always sickenly optimistic no matter the situation. It annoys me at times because it's not nearly always realistic and I just want to smack him, but more than often I need that. More than I want to admit, I probably would be off way worse than I am now if I hadn't met him two years ago.

I looked back down next to me when I heard my phone buzz for the second time this hour. Third time not picking up and they would start tracking me. I wasn't picking up before then though.

I turned the thing over and it stopped buzzing. I got a lot of glances from people walking past me in the hallway, but ignored them like always. I hadn't moved very far from the library. I sat just outside the door against the wall, with the cord from my laptop crawling underneath the door into the cold room. I never go anywhere without this thing. I need to have _something_ to do when waiting, don't I?

Just as I started typing again and noticed that it would still be one hour until Gon'd be here, my phone rang again. I banged my head against the wall behind me and sighed loudly at the insistency. They're becoming more controlling by the minute.

I picked it up and looked at the known number before closing my eyes and answering it. Talking to them on the phone was still better than them sending someone over to pick me up.

_'You're at school again?' _I didn't have time to greet him properly.

'Where else am I even welcome.'

_'You're not welcome there either, how many times do you have to get sent away before you realize that.' _I hunched over a bit more, trying to keep the conversation in between us. The hallways were calming down though, and soon I'd be scolded for making noise here. The high ceilings weren't exactly working in my advantage. I better start unplugging everything.

'I'm still working dad, I didn't think you'd object to that.' Not a lie, I was practicing some new hacking skills I'd learned from my brother yesterday. It's one of the things I actually pursue on my own. I opened the door and reached around the corner to get the plug, but I almost toppled over when I refused to move out of sheer laziness to do this. I caught myself with my elbow while I listened to the response.

_'Of course I'm not objecting, but you're attracting unnecessary attention with this, I'd prefer it you stay away from there. You can meet Gon away from that place as well.' _With my free hand I put everything in my backpack and finally stood up to walk away from there. It's not that I love this place all that much, it's that I feel the least lonely. Choosing between angry glares and ignoring, I still preferred being noticed.

'You shouldn't complain so much about it, I've already attracted attention, can't do anything about that anymore.' In the short silence that followed, I made it to the cafeteria where there was a lot of racket anyway. Everyone with a free hour would be here, especially now that the library's practically off-limits.

_'I reckon you want to forget that it's this friend of yours that got you in this situation in the first place?' _

'Gon never had anything to fucking do with it, it's _you _guys that got me in this situation!' I raised my volume when he insulted Gon again. This was common tactic to get me into a fit and catch me off-guard. I knew this, but I didn't care. I would _not _let my only real friend get insulted by someone who barely even cares if I live or die.

_'That's nothing new. Just go away from that school for now, and I wanted to inform you that someone has taken your case. You're expected there next Monday.' _Monday? That was four days from now. Where the hell had they found an institution so fast? Most companies wouldn't dare getting involved with the dubious reputation our name carried. I'd hoped to have at least a week more freedom.

'Is it in town?' I calmed my voice down a little and walked to a supporting pillar to lean my shoulder against. I looked over at the people eating and studying just a step lower then where I was standing. I didn't really see anything though. I was afraid that if this institution would be too far away, that Gon wouldn't be able to visit more than once a month or so. I didn't want that loneliness, I was scared of that.

_'It's not in town, and you don't have to worry about where it is either. You'll go there and get clearance, alright?' _I looked down at the floor and closed my eyes.

'That won't be a problem.' I've been versed in psychology as well. I know the tactics to put people on the wrong track. If it was your average psychiatrist then it wouldn't take me long to get back home. Not that _that_ was such an improvement though.

He didn't even say goodbye after that, the phone went silent, and I looked at it to see if the connection really had been broken. Factual communication like always. By now it shouldn't bother me anymore as much as it used to. I guess the playful contact with Gon has both its pros and cons.

'Why don't you just tell the psychiatrists the truth about your parents?' I let out a short yell at the sudden sound of that voice and my phone started looking for a way to obey gravity. I was able to catch it in the end and I grabbed my chest when breathing out dramatically at the scare.

'Fucking hell Gon!'

'What? Weren't you looking at me just now?'

'I am now!' I looked back up and pushed him against the shoulder before putting my phone away. 'You didn't tell me you had a free hour!'

'I don't.' I snorted when hearing that answer.

'I thought you were going to pass this year, you need to be _in _class to do that!'

'I told you I was ahead, didn't I?' I frowned at him in disbelief.

'If you want to keep that up you still need to _stay_ in class.' He laughed at that,

'I just thought you needed my company more, that's all.' And just like that, out of nowhere, he took me by surprise by saying something like that. I still don't quite understand why he was still my friend after having made his situation worse than it previously was. I feel way too lucky thinking about that.

I smiled back at him involuntarily before smacking his head.

'If you want to keep me company, just be sure to pass, you moron.' He laughed a little sheepishly at that before I actually answered his question. 'You know I can't rat out my family, even to a psychiatrist. It's impossible for me.' He smiled back at me knowingly. He's not an idiot. He acts like one most of the time, but he's never been one. He just chooses not to put too much weight on his heart when he has the choice. 'Oh! I've just been called actually, they already have a place for me on Monday.' He started pouting a little when I said that.

'That soon?' But that disappeared in no time. 'Well at least it'll be over quicker that way. Where are you going?'

'Don't know yet. Probably won't know either 'till the moment I set foot in that place.'

'Why don't you just hack into some of those institutions?'

'You _are_ a fucking idiot! I can't possibly hack into all of them!'

'Well, if you're going to, then I suggest not on school grounds.' A chill went up and down my spine when I heard the familiar high pitch behind me and instinctively jumped away from her. 'I suggest you leave before I take matters into my own hands.' Though she was a small woman, I'd learned firsthand that her… taking matters were much more painful than just being thrown out by the board. Gon looked back at me apologetically before I returned the look and darted off as quickly as I could. I'd just hang around somewhere in town until his classes would be over.

* * *

'You believe this case is too much for you?' While looking through the case with Chrollo at the other side of the coffee table, I didn't think I'd changed expressions, so I looked up at my supervisor when he said that. 'You haven't said anything for a while.' I brought my hand down from my lips and straightened my back a bit.

'It's not too much for me, I'm just surprised at my own conclusions.'

'You believe they're wrong?' I glanced back down at the papers in my hands. I have read through it a dozen times, and arrived at the same conclusion time and time again. Still it didn't seem right.

'It's a good thing we've accepted him as a case.'

'You're confident that we can help?' I wouldn't even go that far. A case like this could take a long time and be quite demanding. But that wasn't the point.

'He would talk his way out of the institution within a week with almost anyone else.'

'You sound confident in your abilities.'

'Of course I am.' He laughed shortly and softly at my answer. Judging from everything I've read, I'd have to agree with Zeno. In that case, it was good that he'd chosen me. There seemed to be overlapping circumstances in our lives. Killua seems to be controlled by his family; so some degree I could relate. There's a reason behind my confidence, and it was that that most probably refrained Chrollo from writing my statements off as arrogance.

'Well, if your previous cases are representative in any kind of way, then you have every reason to be.' I lay the papers down on the table again.

'What will we address first?' I leaned back some more and waited for an answer. If anything, I felt like I could get along with Chrollo on a professional level without problem.

'Well if we want to throw him off and keep him here until we can actually change something in his life…'

'We're going to make him comfortable.' I inclined my head at the intended proposal and thought it over a bit. 'Then we're going to allow Gon Freeccs to come visit him as well?' Remembering the name of this only friend of Killua's.

'Not from the start, we'll break his resistance a bit first. After that, yes, we'll allow Gon here and only give limited rights to his family.' I nodded slowly, calculating this. Under normal circumstances I'd object to this, due to the possibility of Killua's friend telling the Zoldycks about the uneven distribution. But judging from this information, Gon would not go near them if given the choice. 'Is it okay for you if I lead the first session?' I diverted my attention back to the man in front of me when he started to stand up from his chair. 'I'm confident in your abilities as well, but you haven't had a high level case like this in a while.' I just nodded my consent. I hadn't expected any differently.

'Not a problem.' He walked around the table,

'I'd like you to either call Gon Freeccs or his family for a conversation before all this starts. I think he holds a very important key in all of this that we won't hear about from Killua.' He walked behind me towards his desk, and I turned my head to keep looking at him.

Of course having them here in the same session wouldn't work, their profile indicated that they'd only be protecting each other. We'd monitor their interaction during visiting hours.

'I'll call him immediately.'

* * *

'You're _what?!' _I dropped my coke just outside the store when Gon finished his phone call and told me what it had been about. I jumped away to not let it splash on me and cursed the fact that sometimes Gon's clumsiness seemed to be contagious.

'It's tomorrow, I'll have to call my mom to drop me off though.' He started thinking about it while putting his phone away again. 'Either way now you know where it is!' I couldn't believe this guy. I couldn't believe that institution either. What were they gonna do to Gon?!

* * *

_A/N_

_And thus it begins...The long, long road to establishing relationships between all the different characters. I actually love doing that and I'll probably get lost in it. The way I'm setting this up in my mind I feel like it's gonna be a long, long fic.  
The problem most encountered for me will most probably be keeping everyone IC in an AU. I will do my best, but please mention it if something seems too OOC. I strive to deliver mostly to my own expectations - which are reasonably high - but you guys are most important in the end.  
_

_Alright, now that that is out of the way,  
I am bedridden at the moment and I am demanding love and attention!  
*stares at you all threatingly*  
*coughs up her lungs*  
*back to staring at you very, very threatingly*_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 - You think that as a writer I would be able to come up with chapter names, but I'm drawing up blanks  
**

'You're not going home? The road's plenty clear.' I shook my head to my co-worker from my lying position on the couch, not lifting my arm away from my face. It has gotten far too late for me to go home now. I'd be on the road longer than I'd be at my house. Work often keeps me over night at this institution as such. 'You can ride with me if…'

'I would go alone if you want to be home before midnight.' I cut her off. The woman dripped off after that. I heard the hasty ticking of her heels dying down in the distance of the dark corridor. There would always be someone that bothered me with this. By now I'm overanalyzed by almost everyone that works here, thinking I have problems at home. This home is just a house, and it's a fairly remote house. That seems to be hard to understand for most of the people working here.

A couple of seconds later I heard a pair of heavier footsteps approaching me and stop before the door. I didn't have to move to know who it was. Next to it being the only other person that regularly stayed the night at this place, by now I'd memorized his footsteps.

'Staying tonight as well?'

'Naturally.' I got out of my resting position and swung my legs off the couch, looking up at the redhead leaning casually in the doorframe.

'Lost track of time?'

'You know better than that.' He pushed himself away from the door and took slow steps towards me.

'I'm not in the mood for any games, Hisoka.' Our eyes never left each other, trying to force him to keep a little distance with that. Although I get along with him the most out of everyone working here, he takes a lot of fun out of stepping over boundaries with me. He knew when to keep his distance though, and tonight all he did was sit down next to me on the couch. I turned my eyes back in front of me and leaned back.

'I heard from Zeno you were put on the Killua Zoldyck case together with our renowned Dr. Lucilfer.' I nodded in confirmation as I heard the names roll off his tongue.

'I'm seeing his only friend tomorrow at four to get a better reading on Killua himself before he sets foot inside of here.'

'Chrollo is taking the lead during the first sessions with the Zoldyck boy?' I turned my head a little when he lay his arms over the backrest and casually crossed his legs.

'Of course, I haven't had a case like this in a long time.' I shrugged while giving the answer,

'Can you get along with him?'

'I don't see this becoming a problem.'

'He _can_ be strange in his dealings with patients.' _Like it's never been strange to work with you._

'I can only learn from that, that doesn't affect me.' I stood up and walked around the couch to the phone on my desk. I nodded to ask for confirmation before dialing the number to order some food in. He just raised a hand to do as I pleased.

This winter the snow has been really bad, and staying here together had become more natural for us than going home at night. He was the only one who actually lived further away from here than I did. When I saw him moving while I was on the phone, I noticed him perusing some of the papers still on the table.

'Hm…'

'What's so interesting?' I asked away from the phone before finishing the order for Chinese; I recognized the fascination in his tone.

'This Gon you're seeing tomorrow, he was actually involved during the incident two months ago, wasn't he?' I hung up the phone and walked to the back of the couch to look at the papers Hisoka was holding.

'He was.'

'It affected his family negatively that he helped his friend, in a time where his family couldn't take any more ballast.' I nodded and leant down on the backrest. 'Why aren't you seeing the entire Freeccs family then? It seems prudent in this case.'

'I choose not to focus on that relationship. If Gon chooses his friend over his family in a situation like that, then his problems will reflect in his relationship with Killua as well.'

'You're thinking overcompensation?'

'Filling up a void.' I stood back up and threw my hair back over my shoulder. I'd thrown it loose before laying down, but now it was getting in the way again. The second I made the movement though, Hisoka held up the clip previously on the table and I gladly took it. I have a preference to keep my hair long, but it can be quite a chore to maintain sometimes.

'They fixed the bathrooms here, you should take a shower.'

'Are you insulting my hygiene?'

'You know me better than that, I'd just hate for that beautiful hair to go to waste because of a little snow outside.' He turned his head to look back at me with a suggestive look in his eyes. For his doing he was being subtle.

'I'm showering in the morning. You don't need to concern yourself with this.' He gave me a small grin before turning back to the papers.

'How are you doing lately?'

'I'm fine.' I sat back down next to him and took the papers from his hands, glancing it over once before laying them back down.

'Oh? That's strange, no old problems rearing their ugly head?' I shook my head before leaning back again. 'Of how much of your past is our dear Chrollo even aware?'

'Of everything that he needs to know working with me.' A soft chuckle exited his throat before he turned his face a bit closer to mine.

'You know the chance of a trigger happening in a case like this is highly likely. Why did you take it?'

'Because the small, easy cases like I've been doing are below my level. I appreciate Zeno recognizing my abilities.'

'I still highly suggest you tell Chrollo.'

'When it will interfere with work, I will.'

'If you don't inform him within a month, then I will.' The atmosphere got tense around us, and for a while all that was exchanged in between us were silent threats. Hisoka has always kept an eye on me out of personal interest, but it seems that on some level he has some care; although this "care" of his still is incredibly self-centered and - not in the last place - aggressive.

'I will inform him when the need arises.' I still answered. He snorted and looked away after that,

'You are quite the challenge.'

'In what way?'

'In a way that interests me.' I sighed and hung my head at that statement. A lot of me seems to be interesting to him, but as long as I can keep him at bay to a certain degree, I don't mind the attention. After all, he keeps certain happenings of mine to himself while gaining nothing from it. Happenings that could ruin my career in an instant.

It gave me a kind of sense that I could confide in him if need be, and it was that sense that gave me the comfort to be around him like this.

As long as he stayed interested in whatever he was interested in, he would do nothing to permanently harm me.

'How are you going to get all this information out of Gon in just two hours, tomorrow?' He spoke up again after I'd stared into space for a while, and I turned my head towards him.

'That's not very hard.'

* * *

'Killua-a~!' Of course I didn't let Gon go alone to that shrink today. I made sure of that by hitching a ride in the back of his mother's car. I had to break into it and hide myself to do that though, she's not very fond of me anymore. I'd rolled out after Gon, and slid myself away from the vehicle into hiding until she left – luckily – and I pulled Gon with me around the corner, away from the main entrance.

I'd looked around for a spot with no cameras, and once we were there, I'd pulled the biggest grin when opening my backpack.

'Shut up, I'm not letting you go in there without surveillance.' I'd "borrowed" some equipment from "home" and was in the process of hooking Gon up with it. I would probably feel the consequences of borrowing this the moment I got home, but that was hardly out of the routine by now, so I didn't really care.

'But what if they screen me? I'll get caught and in trouble!'

'You're not gonna get screened idiot, _you're_ not the one who's gonna be admitted!' I smacked his head when he started fidgeting with the small earpiece I'd just put in. I didn't know what kind of good that thing would do, but it could come in handy if Gon was about to say something harmful.

If he kept his hands away from it of course…

'Stop touching any kind of equipment I just put on you! You'll just look suspicious!'

'Why can't you just let me tell you after what happened!'

'Because I need an objective image of this shrink, and for that I need to see him or her myself. Now let me test this.' I smacked him again when he reached back up to his ear. This was gonna be harder than I thought.

I sat down on the ground and put the laptop on my folded legs, starting up the programs I needed. This was basic training for me, the only anomaly here was the one not trained to handle it.

'Look around a bit.' I enlarged the screen a bit, and leaned back on my arms. Once I saw an image of myself appear on screen, I put the headset on to test the sound as well.

'Can you hear me through the earpiece?'

'Loud and clear.' I checked if there was anything to be played back before answering.

'Alright, I'm receiving you as well, and it's recorded, so you're good to go.'

'Are you done bugging me?' I looked up in incredibility at the bad joke, but burst out laughing when I saw that stupid grin on his face.

'Just don't touch any of that stuff and it's fine. Don't mind me listening in on it, just answer like you normally would.' And with that I meant "don't tell any details about my family" but he knew that. He nodded and darted off to meet his appointment.

I stood up as well, putting away my laptop and looking for a more inconspicuous place than this to sit for two hours. Ultimately jumped over a high metal fence and positioned myself near a back entrance that looked deserted. I needed to hack into the nearby security cameras as well if I wanted to keep myself safe, but I'd already done the preparatory work for that, so that was no problem at all. Now all that remained was gathering the data and taking it home to analyze over the weekend to figure out the best strategy. For this I could even ask the help of my mom or dad, seeing as they wanted me out of there as quickly as possible as well. _Finally we have the same goal, don't we. _

'Time to get to work.' I sat down against the wall in between two garbage containers and set my laptop on my knees.

_Alright. Training don't fail me now._

I sighed a small breath of relief when I'd started everything up again and saw that Gon was being led to the one who I'd be stuck with for at least a week. If I was lucky, the reason this firm took my case was because they were too stupid to realize the implementations of dealing with a Zoldyck, and I'd be out of there in a day.

If was unlucky, they took the case full well knowing the risks and apparently knowing me better than I wanted them to. Seeing as they invited Gon first, it was seemingly the second, but I refused to think about that. Staying with my family is still better than being hauled up in a place like this.

In front of Gon was walking a fairly tall… person. Damn it, the long hair made it harder to distinguish who it was, but this person didn't matter anyway, he/she was only leading him. While walking through the hallways, I could already see several points of surveillance along the way. I hadn't expected any differently if this was a place where I ended up going.

_'Have you been to such a place before?' _I stopped thinking when the person spoke up and distinguished a male voice.

_'Nah, never.' _Gon looked up at his back some more. It's about time we both get our growth spurt, isn't it?

_'Don't worry, you won't be admitted and I can say beforehand that you're still allowed to see Killua when he's in here, no matter what you say today.' _I felt a sense of relief running through me when I heard that, and Gon's head movements indicated he was happy about that as well. At the very least if I was going to stay here longer than a week, I wouldn't be alone.

_'Come in.' _My heart stopped for a second when I heard that. _Come in_… this was already my shrink?

I enlarged the recordings to full screen and gave it my full attention when Gon looked up at his face and I closed my face in on it; having a slight heart attack.

No.

Fucking.

Way.

How was Gon so calm under all of this? Didn't I know him yet back then?! Has he even ever….

Fucking hell, how was this happening... I wouldn't last a fucking day if…

I minimalized the live recording and opened the footage of when they introduced themselves to each other to catch a name.

This really couldn't be…

He isn't….

_Of course he fucking isn't, he's fucking dead, you idiot. _I slapped my forehead hard of even thinking something like that. But when I found the introductions and saw his face again, I couldn't really blame myself for the cardiac arrest. The name was Illumi though, not Yellmi. The last names didn't even match, so it wasn't twins either, thank my non-existent god.

I breathed in and out a couple of times to calm myself down before going back to the live footage. _The resemblance is fucking uncanny though. _Stop fidgeting, Gon, no-one can see the wires on you. Why can't I slap you through this equipment…

_'This was two hours, right?' _Gon sounded really nervous about this entire situation.

_'If you're too uncomfortable we can always cut it short. But I'd like for you to stay as long as you can.' _

_'Alright.' _I heard the tap against his earpiece through my headset and glared at the screen. I should've taken that out, shouldn't I…

I saw this… Illumi take a seat across from Gon and I looked straight into his catlike, black eyes. It was unnerving me a bit too much on how much he looked like Yellmi. I needed to snap myself out of that before I'd be the one sitting there, I have to be at full clarity.

Wait.

Looked straight into…

The camera wasn't in Gon's fucking eyes…

_He could see the camera?!_ But I've been trained to keep it hidden, I'm a fucking 100% sure it's not visible! Gon, if this is your fault then I'll fucking…

He looked away from the camera a moment later and I gasped for breath a second. What kind of nerve wracking situation was this?!

_'You've known Killua for two years, right?' _

_'Right! We entered the same school and class that year.' _

_'When did you become friends with him?' _

_'The first day.' _I smirked at the memory of that. Although things have been going haywire this past year, the first year with Gon had been priceless. '_He sat alone behind his laptop during first break, and I looked to see what he was doing. And he had all these programs open, said he was…' _I cringed for a second. Even though "working" was still a broad concept, a shrink was gonna pick apart every word… _'…working on a game or something.' _Thank you Gon, _'But it all looked really complicated, so I asked what more he could do, and he hacked into the school network, changing the food order. So we all had exactly what we wanted the weeks after. Oh, he was never found out, this doesn't leave the room, right?' _I hung my head and sighed. Even though he hadn't mentioned working, what he said just now wasn't harmless either.

'Keep it down on my unusual skills, it will look suspicious.' I whispered into the headset. Where after Gon immediately touched the thing again and nodded a little. _Yes, thank you, that's not suspicious at all. _

You're perceptive of moods and emotions, but concerning these things you're a total idiot Gon.

Illumi went silent for a second when he did that, but didn't look back at the camera. Did he notice? Didn't he notice? Make it clear man!

_'Don't worry, any mischief done at your school is of no concern to us.' _I was slightly relieved at hearing that, because the school would never take me back if they found out all the shit I've pulled there…

_'That's good to hear, 'cos I'd really like to see him in class next year.' _His lips upturned, but it wasn't really a smile. More a confirmation of the positive feeling. If the two hours were going to be like this, then I'll have no trouble getting through it.

_'That's right, you're retaking the year, because of last year's happenings.' _

_'Is there any chance Killua will be out of here by next school year?' _Gon leaned forward a bit in anticipation of the answer,

_'I'm sure of it.' _-Wait. Wasn't he supposed to answer "that'll depend on him" or something? What gave him the idea he could "cure" me within six months?

'Tch.' I hissed at that insult before Illumi continued.

_'You've become really close the past two years, haven't you?' _

_'Of course!' _

_'What makes him your best friend?' _

_'… …he's always there, and he loves trouble as much as I do.' _I'm always there because I fucking need a light in my life, and instinctively you know this.

_'You hesitated for a second because of what happened two months ago?' _

_'… …' _It hadn't gone unnoticed to me either. Although Gon keeps reassuring me that he's never going to give up his friendship with me – not even after _that_ - it's hard for me to believe. It's one of the reasons I want to keep him as close as possible. I get anxious about him actually staying my friend when he's not physically there.

_'Do you find it difficult to talk about that?' _

_'I…' _Oh great, now he was pointed at his hesitation, don't fucking do this to me, Illumi! _'I never really blamed Killua for that. I know he was responsible but…' _Don't… Don't say it Gon, don't talk about my work..!

Wait… …

_Son of a…!_

Oh no you didn't.

Oh no you fucking didn't.

I reseated myself and pushed my screen back a bit more, for a second checking the footage of the cameras I'd hacked before giving the recordings my full attention.

_'…. speak, just say so and I'll… if that makes you feel more… comfortable.' _Fuck your sign language, Illumi! I learned this last year, but it's never been that great either way. I only learned it so I could communicate with Gon's little brother when visiting him. Lip reading I could do; that was absolutely no problem – I learned that when I was seven maybe - but this goddamn shrink… _why did he switch._

It stayed quiet on Gon's side for a while, he was probably responding in kind. _Great. _

_'I read about your family so I learned it over the week. Am I doing it correctly…_ You fucking _ass_! In just a week?! Fuck you!' I said a little too loudly and checked the camera footage again, still nothing.

_'It won't reflect badly on Killua, don't worry. You're only helping him if you can speak more frankly… _you fucking ass, you know about the equipment on him.' I muttered under my breath. It was quiet on Gon's side for a moment before he spoke up again.

'I'm sorry Killua, I just want to see you out of here as quickly as possible.'

'No! Don't you…!' He took the earpiece out first, followed by the small microphone and camera. All I could do was sit there frozen in shock for a second that this had happened. So… this was probably an institution that knew what it was doing…

I bonked my head back against the wall behind me when I realized this and stayed like that until I suddenly heard something through the microphone again. I turned my eyes back down to the screen, but it was still blank so I just perked my ears.

_'You need to have some trust in your friend, Killua. I'm sure you know he won't say anything that will harm you.'_ I got a chill up and down my spine when he spoke to me directly. _'Of course if you're eager to come here I can arrange to…' _

'Oh hell fucking no!' I said way too loudly again, waving my hands in denial,

_'Then I'll see you next week. I'll let Gon meet the supervising psychologist as well, so he can tell you about him.' _The line went dead after that. My heart was standing still, and I pounded on my chest to get it beating again.

Never, _never_ has my trace been found. What kind of man was this? And he wasn't even the leading psychologist? What kind of hell was I in for? I need to do more research on this institution…

'Fucking hell…' I muttered under my breath. This whole ordeal has been nothing but one shock after the other. But the most shocking was still his appearance.

I raked my hands through my hair and looked at the footage on the screen. I don't know if I can deal with that…

* * *

_A/N_

_Ah, just so everyone's clear on my style of writing - I'm anal about this - le description:_

Complete text in italics means flashback (only the first chapter was a flashforward)  
Only spoken pieces of text in italics means it's a person on the other side of a phone call (in this case on the other side of the earpiece)  
Unspoken pieces of text in italics means it's an explicit thought of that person.  
A line in between pieces of text means either a passage of time or a change of POV  
In the future, this: "**##**" will mean changing of POV in real time.  
I will always make it clear in the first two sentences whose POV it is, and who he's talking to.

_There. Now that that's out of the way... Seriously though, it can become confusing later on, so the basics are important to understand._

_And yes, Hisoka will take part in this story. I tried very, very hard - for two chapters - not to do this, but I am slightly in love with the redhead. _  
_I will see how that plays out. _  
_Muehehe._

_Thank you for the reviews, I am feeling better and keep the love coming :3_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Gon had given me some wonderfully useful information after he was done last Friday…

_'…and it'll be mostly that Chrollo guy working with you. Haven't been able to meet him, but he sounds alright, so don't sweat it.' _

_'No really, it's safe, he said he'd even expected for you to do this surveillance thing so he didn't mind.'_ Don't sweat it he'd said. I'd glared him down when he'd said that and he'd started to laugh nervously when handing back the equipment.

* * *

Now it was Monday, and I was stuck with these shrinks. I still hadn't said a word to them all session. I'd tried to do some research on this Illumi and found out about Chrollo Lucilfer's involvement before Gon even told me. Both of these guys have perfect track records although Chrollo's had more intense cases. They're both so squeaky clean that it's bugging me. Every bone in my body is telling me there's something fishy about them, and unfortunately no reassurance from Gon had been able to fix that.

'Your last free day in a while, did you have fun?' I diverted my attention back to current happenings and looked away from Chrollo in front of me; thinking about the past 24 hours, and answering evasively.

'Like anyone's ever free.' I'd been dropped off early this morning, and although I'd pleaded for Gon to accompany me here as well, my parents hadn't allowed it. Unfortunately Gon's not so good in sneaking around, so the last I saw him was early this morning.

'That's true, but not my question.' I looked back at grey-eyed man slightly, also noting Illumi sitting in the background, taking in the conversation without even taking notes of it. They weren't even recording this, and that gave me an itchy feeling. These are most likely people with idetic memories.

'I don't see why I should tell you about yesterday, seeing as your partner over there crashed the party with a friend of his. Why don't you ask him.'

'He did tell me, that's why I'm asking how the experience was for you.' He smiled back at me without blinking. The combination of these two working together to crack me unnerved me. In the first place Mr. doppelganger that seemed to be more knowledgeable of me than I wanted him to be; in the second place Mr. unreadable in front of me. Although I've been taught to be evasive, turning the interrogation had not yet passed my training, and I only got limited tools for that over the weekend. I'm a quick learner, but not _that_ quick.

'I had a fucking blast. I spent the entire day with Gon until I was dragged away from him this morning somewhere around six or seven.' I lifted my hands behind my head and looked away again, feigning boredom. Not that I'd have a lot of trouble pretending to be that in the coming days, this place looked dull beyond compare.

'You stayed the night at his house?'

'Don't be ridiculous, like I'd be let near there ever again.' I raised my volume a bit. I'd still suggested to go, that I could just sneak in and no-one would know, but it had been out of the question for Gon. I can't really blame him.

'You took a car or public transport somewhere then?'

'Look, I'm not here for grand theft auto issues, can we just focus on fixing me, alright?' He got my attention again. They seemed intent on fixating on Gon instead of my family. Not that I minded, but I didn't really know where they were going with this.

There was a silence after that, and Chrollo leaned back, his attention diverted from me to somewhere else, and I was left with just Illumi's eyes on me. My eyes darted over him quickly to notice he really wasn't giving me attention either. Were they telepathically connected or something? What were they telling each other?

'Is this how everyday's gonna be? Two hours filled with just staring at each other? 'Cos I can do that in class as well, and at least I'd enjoy the company.' Chrollo was the one that responded, but it was Illumi's presence again that unnerved me.

'Don't worry, we're not delaying your treatment with this.' He leaned his elbow on an armrest and lay his head on the hand while Illumi slowly stood up and walked out of the room. I followed his every move with my eyes until the door closed behind him. Being left alone with one of them wasn't exactly my best case scenario either though… 'What is it that bothers you about him?' My eyes shot back to the one still in the room when he said that. Were they actually telepathic? How had they… Had this been deducted from Illumi's experiences yesterday…?

'I don't know, he just creeps me out.' He huffed and smiled when I said that.

'You're an over-analyzer, you know exactly what bothers you.' He took a short pause before continuing, leaning his arms on his legs and closing in a little, 'Point seems to be that you feel that you can't tell why, and that can have multiple reasons. The information can be harmful to Gon; the information could contain a secret surrounding your family and I have the feeling you have some form of loyalty towards them even though they're not pleasant people; you've been drilled not to tell anyone, or you only have an inkling and it bothers you that you don't know exactly why Illumi bothers you.' One by one the fingers on his right hand had raised, without his arm lifting from his legs.

'There are other reasons, but I thought these to be most likely, and judging from your reaction I have either mentioned the reason, or you never expected for me to be able to deduce something like that. The last one is implausible because you wouldn't react strongly to someone with knowledge, and certainly not because you've been looking into my personal data.' Am I… do I still have blood in my face? I've been taught to get in and out of anything without leaving any traces – both physically and digitally - how come I've been beaten with that two times in four days by the two people put on my case?

These are _not_ basic shrink skills, these two have fucking fishy pasts and I don't like this withheld information.

'Don't worry, I will not submit that you hacked into our system.' He made a small gesture with his hand before letting it hang loose again.

'Good to know, because I've never been into your personal data. I'm not even one to analyze stuff, I mostly just let it happen.' _Lie, lie, lie. _

'Does Illumi unnerve you because he looks, acts or feels like someone you know or knew, or is it because of the physical contact you had yesterday?'

* * *

_Well, that had been a fun lesson…_

_I hadn't dared going to my parents empty handed concerning information about my shrinks, so before and after I parted with Gon, I spent all of my time gathering information on them online. There was still so little available though, and I'd gotten an earful about that. Up until now I hadn't been getting a second of rest from their psychological training with breaks of physical training. I was feeling the stress in all my muscles because of that. Goddamn hard asses made me flee out the door the moment I got the chance. I wasn't gonna survive another 24 hours of that this Sunday…_

_'Killua!' I nearly fell off the fence I'd just started climbing over when Gon scared the shit out of me by popping up out of nowhere._

_'You idiot! Keep it down! What are you doing at my house?' I readjusted my grip and quickly made my way to the other side before anyone would notice the situation. I grabbed Gon by the coat and dragged him back around the corner where he'd come from. _

_'It's your last day of freedom, how do you want to spend it?' I let him go once we were far away enough, Freedom? I just climbed a fence to get out of my own home, but never mind that,_

_'Dude it's six in the morning, how are you even up?' _

_'Only half, but that doesn't matter.' Sundays were special days for him in which he'd spend time with his family and little brother, he shouldn't be spending that time with me. I can't let him skip that just because I've been idiot enough to get caught two months ago. _

_'It's not exactly my last day of freedom, you know. You can visit me once or twice a week, which is more often than my family can, thank god. Also, I'm gonna need you there 'cos I'm probably gonna be bored to death with all that freedom compared to what I have now.' I nudged in the general direction of the house. _

_'Of course! I will visit you whenever I can. But now we can still go places, so where do you wanna go?' When I looked at him waiting for an answer, somehow I didn't have the heart to say no any longer. I opened my mouth only to be cut off though. 'Ah! No, I'm sorry, I can't let you choose, there's one thing I'm saving for when you're released a 100% again. We're going to the amusement park!' _

_'Amusement park? It's winter!' I blurted out in surprise,_

_'So?' _

_'That's not something to go to…' _

_'Sure it is! Last time when mom mentioned going there you said like "who goes there anyway, nothing but lines and crowds, and the rides are probably boring as hell." And we didn't go. But I think you've never been to one, have you?' _

_'Do I look like I have the family that would go there?' Pointing both index fingers to my own face._

_'Somewhere I thought there's been the possibility, yeah. But if you've never been to one, let's go! Let's do something new today.'_

_'None of those things are even open in winter, you moron. I was trying to say that. We can do that on top of your surprise when I get out, but it's plainly impossible now.' I saw him contemplating this with his hand letting go of my wrist. He'd been ready to drag me along within a heartbeat. _

_'Then we go swimming!' I blinked at him for a second. There were pools around that should be open, but who even thinks of that in winter… '…or go snowboarding, we can be at the piste in less than an hour. Or go laser questing, or…' _

_'Snowboarding is fine!' I raised my hands to make him stop and laughed a little awkwardly at all the suggestions. Although I've never snowboarded in my actual home region, the mountains around us should be fun enough, right? _

_'Then I'm putting you on skis!' _

_'Eh?! I'm no good on those things! Is that you're idea of having fun? Watching me fall over a billion times?' The stupid grin told me it was exactly that. 'There's no way you're getting me on skis.' _

_'Oh I will get you on them.' _

_'I'm gonna love seeing you try.' He grabbed my wrist again and started dragging me along towards the nearest bus stop. 'Do you have money on you?' _

_'Plenty. But the piste's not open 'till nine so we're gonna go for breakfast first.' I searched the feeling in my stomach for a second and realized that wasn't such a bad idea. _

_Gon let go of me as soon as he noticed I was walking along willingly. I looked at him from the side, but couldn't help a stinging feeling about all of this. I'm dragging him away from his family again, I can't keep doing this to him…_

* * *

'I have no problems with physical contact.' I stated to Chrollo immediately, trying to think of another option for him to accept. 'I don't like people digging in my mind.' That was a poor one, and his expression told me he already had a response ready.

'Right now I'm the one doing that though. Still your discomfort is greater with Illumi near, even though he doesn't say anything. Who is he to you?'

'No-one.'

'I agree that you don't have problems with physical contact, but that can change in a heartbeat because of the person touching you, that's why I still asked.' He leaned back and I saw he had an inkling to pick up his pen, but refrained from doing so. He'd taught himself not to note anything on the first session? 'Your family is a mystery to the world though, so I'm going to need your help with discerning where this feeling comes from.'

'Haha! I'm not telling you anything about the individual members, let's just keep it with my feelings.' He smirked at that answer and leaned back in his chair,

'I have the feeling you're going to be here for a while.'

'Don't break Illumi's promise to Gon though, I'm supposed to be back next school year.' I looked up at him with a slight grin on my face,

'Oh? He said that? Better extend our sessions to three or four hours then.' His eyes betrayed that he had all the patience in the world for that, and it scared me a little. What exactly was their definition of "curing" me?_  
_

* * *

_'You were horrible!' _

_'Don't fucking remind me!' As the genius I'm expected to be, my pride had taken one blow after the other this afternoon. It's just two pieces of wood under your feet instead of one, why the hell did my body get confused because of that? Gon, you're fucking evil._

_'I got you on those things though, so pay up.' I handed him the ten while walking. I didn't even have such a bad time, and I've laid more in the snow - laughing for some strange reason - than anything else. _

_We'd eaten at the piste afterwards, and were walking back through a nearby park to get to the city center for a place with actual decent food. I was starting to deliberate if I was gonna spend the night with Gon or my family. Well, it's more a deliberation if I can get away with the first option, really. After running off on the final day there, I was not gonna spend the night there._

_'Not really fair though, you know my weakness.' _

_'Not fair? It's not like your weakness to always having to take up challenges is a big secret, Killua!' _

_'Shut up.' I hit him on the head for saying that, but Gon didn't take it, and assaulted me. We went face first in the snow and he rolled us both off the path, making me unable to fight back because of my laughing fit. 'You ass!' I pushed him off me little and flipped him over with the lifting of my leg, making him roll over my head. I rolled backwards as well and wanted to land on top of him, but he pushed me sideways and tried to get a lock on me constantly with either his arms or legs. _

_'You'll never get me with that!' He responded when I tried to get both his hands in my grip but he slipped away and buried some snow in my face. _

_'Cheater!' I grabbed a handful, and returned the favor. He then gave me enough room to get some distance in between us, and I was ready to throw some more snow his way. Some people had stopped to look at our skirmish, but didn't stay interested for long. _

_'You've done it now, Gon.' I stayed on one knee, juggling the snowball, looking at Gon's determined face as he did the same and slipped his backpack off. _

_'You'll never beat me in this, I'm the master of snow fights!' _

_'We'll see about that!' I threw the snowball up a little and punched it so it would scatter, rolling closer to Gon, making a new snowball and was ready to assault him in his blinded state, but he got the drop on me. He knew where I would appear, grabbed the hand that held the snowball, and rolled me along until he was on top of me before he planted his and my own snowball in my face. _

_'Ah! Stop it! You win! You fucking win!' I muttered while he was still rubbing that snow in my face. When he stopped, I rubbed the snow out of my eyes and looked up at the clear sky, laughing out of breath. _

_'Haha! Twice in one day, I'm on a roll!' When he threw his hands in the air, he shifted his weight further back on my legs though, and I flinched. I didn't think he'd notice the small moment, but he did, and he looked down at me immediately with that look in his eyes. "Not again." _

_When he was about to step off of me I wanted to stop him with my silent "Please don't, it's nothing." But he didn't listen to that. He stood up and reached his hand out to help me. _

_'This is nothing new, you know that. I'm used to it and I can take it.' I refused the help and stood up on my own, following him to a nearby bench in a place where fewer people passed by._

_'You flinched, it hurts. That makes it new. Can you show me?' We sat down and I looked at him for a couple of seconds before deciding on that. I decided to take a self-defensive road,_

_'…Why haven't you spent today with your family.' I almost got a snarl for bringing that up while he was trying to help me, and pulled my injured leg up by force, laying it on both of his. He zipped the pants open to halfway my calves, and then started to carefully roll it up until the poorly treated wound became visible. Poorly treated wasn't an issue for me, I heal well enough, but I could see it physically hurt Gon. He looked back up when giving his answer. _

_'Today was a bust, Kito is down with a cold.' _

_'Then you should've stayed home and took care of him.' His little brother has a lot of issues, but catching colds was not one of them. It had been an obvious lie of him, and I didn't get a response from him after that. Things have been pretty tense over at his house, haven't they? And I haven't even given him the attention he needs for that. _

_I kept looking at him while he started unwrapping the blood-soaked bandage around the cut. I'd refreshed it this morning, but I guess all the physical activity today hadn't done it much good – even though those falls hadn't hurt. The little quarrel just now must've made it rip open again. _

_I shivered at the feeling of a cold breeze, and leaned forward to lay my arms around Gon's shoulders the best I could as a thank you for spending the day with me. He inclined his body a little to allow this, and I pressed him as close against me as I possibly could. I don't want to lose him. But I feel that like the way I'm ignoring him I will. That feeling hurts more than my leg, I want to do something about that._

* * *

'Should I let Illumi lead the coming sessions?' I shook my head.

'Why not?'

'You seem the more experienced one.'

'What if I say that I'm not?'

'Then you're a liar and I'd ask to be transferred to someone else. I can tell from you that you've handled a lot of cases. I don't know where Illumi's qualities lie, but he did something else before working here, that's for sure.' I nodded at the door through which the absent shrink had disappeared.

'But you're not an analyzer, so what if you're wrong?' He's not confirming or denying anything, is he? 'You exude different kinds of discomfort, depending on the person in front of you. Your discomfort with me is as I'd expected it to be, but towards Illumi it seems different. It's a deep rooted discomfort that has nothing to do with the person himself. Should I call him back so you can confirm this for yourself, or do you accept that I realize the processes going through you at this point?'_  
_

* * *

_'What happened?' I stiffened up when I heard a voice I recognized and Gon released himself from my arms to answer. _

_'Ah! Illumi! Nothing too serious, just changing bandages. You live near here?' I looked up at the man and noticed the second person slightly behind him when he answered. _

_'Actually we both do, nice to meet you.' I squinted at the redheaded man before giving him my hand. It didn't feel like he was lying, so we probably hadn't been stalked. _

_'This is Hisoka, a friend whom I work with. That wound looks pretty severe, do you need assistance with treating it?' Right down to business are we? _

_'Don't worry, he's quite adept in addressing wounds.' I pointed my thumb at Gon. I wanted to flat out refuse them. It would heal just fine on its own either way, and Gon carried around all kinds of unnecessary stuff like a first aid kit any way. It's just the way he's been raised. Mostly his mom forced him to carry it along wherever he went because he got hurt a lot though. From what I've heard he wasn't the most careful kid around. _

_'Really? I could use the help, it's about time I learned if I'm doing it right.' Gon scratched the back of his head a little nervously and I just couldn't believe what I was hearing. Had he made friends with this man in the two hours they'd spent together two days ago? _

_He looked back around at my incredulous expression to check if I was okay with this, and I sighed deeply. You're impossible, Gon. _

_'Alright, it's fine, do what you want.' I closed my eyes and surrendered myself to Gon's whims. I lay my arm over the backrest and leaned my head on my hand. Lifting my leg a little to let Gon stand up and make room for my future shrink to take over. I looked down at his hands as he touched my leg, and didn't let those things out of my sight. _

_He wrapped the bandage off completely, _

_'I take it you have a replacement with you that you were doing this?' Gon handed everything he had for this to Illumi when addressed, _

_'He always carries this stuff around, he's a clumsy kid.' _

_'You must have a very caring home then.' Hisoka started talking with Gon._

_**#####**  
_

_Caring home is an understatement. From what I've gathered in our previous conversation, he's being smothered because of the fragility of his little brother. Gon forcefully takes some freedom now and again. _

_'I do, they just go overboard with this stuff. If they feel better with me carrying around all this then it's no problem though.' He gestured back at the kit next to me on the bench. _

_As soon as I'd touched Killua's skin, he'd tensed up completely and kept close watch on what I was doing. _

_I merely unwrapped the dirty bandages to take a look at the wound underneath, and glided my fingers over the tender skin next to it that was slightly turning purple. That was not a shallow cut, but he barely flinched at the feeling. He's used to pain? He'll probably need a tetanus shot for this wound though. _

_'It'll heal better with stitches. We'll take you to a hosp—'_

_'Do it yourself or don't, I'm not going to a hospital.' Killua'd raised his hand to make me stop talking and looked straight at me. _

_'Alright, do you have the necessary material for that in here?' I turned my head towards Gon and felt the surprise from both boys. 'I haven't done it in a couple of months, but I still have the skills.' I rolled his pants a bit further up his leg to create the necessary room if I was going to do this, but stopped doing so when I felt more scar tissue underneath my fingers. It's probably from long ago, but I felt a shiver from Killua and decided this wasn't a problem I could address right now. I retreated my hand. 'Then again, a proper cleaning should probably do the trick.' I had Gon's attention on me as well. He knew this happened more often to Killua, it was the real reason he carried a kit around. _

_'I'm sorry, I can't handle things like stitches, so I don't have it on me either way.' He replied apologetically. _

_'… …' I looked back up at Hisoka when I felt his attention on me, and exchanged glances with him. This wasn't self-harm. The pattern is too irregular for that. _

_Still, knowing all of this, Gon had allowed me near his friend with the possibility I would find out. He's caring more about Killua than he is about himself. _

_I reached to my other side to find some pre boiled water and tissues before applying iodine tincture. _

_'The scars further up your leg heal badly though, I'll recommend a physician to look at you next week.' Tension increased with both the boys, but Hisoka softly laughed that away. _

_'Ever so subtle, aren't you.' He directed at me with amusement in his tone. _

_'We only have one body to live in, so proper care is a must. I don't care how it happened if that's causing the tension. I'll need you to relax a bit more before I can apply the bandages correctly.' I looked at him for a second when I actually felt the tension disappear. Seems unusual in this situation. 'Don't worry, I'm not your doctor until tomorrow.' I carefully applied pressure on the wound when I started wrapping it in. He seems to have a high pain tolerance though. _

_'And even then it'll be mostly Dr. Lucilfer, won't it?' _

_'Yes, he's taking the lead the first couple of times.' I replied to Hisoka. 'You're welcome again the second Monday if you want to visit Killua.' I redirected at Gon. He just nodded while looking at what my hands were doing. He was genuinely interested in that, wasn't he? _

_'By the way,' I tugged on the bandage a little to make sure I'd applied it well enough while continuing. '…if you're still interested in analyzing me, Hisoka and I are about to go to diner. You're welcome to come along, and I will keep my mind away from yours at all times.' I looked back at Killua as I gave him his leg back and he rolled his pants back down. I heard a laugh coming from Hisoka's side. _

_'I appreciate your kind gesture towards the boys, but I do believe they'd rather spend this night without us.' He raised his hand palm up in their general direction. Of course they would, but with Killua's true intentions lying so shallow at this moment it's hard not to confront him. _

_'Hisoka's right, we have other plans. We'll see you tomorrow!' Gon quickly grabbed his kit again and took it and his backpack with him as soon as Killua already started walking away the moment he got his freedom back. Said boy raised his hand in a sort of goodbye before they disappeared behind some trees. _

_'You're still a bit off, aren't you.' I looked back at Hisoka's smiling face. _

_'It just happened yesterday, you can't really blame me.' I shrugged it off and started walking again, Hisoka following closely behind. 'I'll be clear again tomorrow.' _

_'Oh~, that's what I'm here for, aren't I?' _

* * *

_A/N_

_Except for the part after the ##### it's all Killua's POV; non-italics are his present day session, and italics are his final free day with Gon_

_Anyway, Yes, Killua has scars. With all the training that he's put through, I imagine he'd have them. Even though as a kid he heals faster, it's still one hell of a life to lead, isn't it.  
_

_Blergh I'm feeling a bit tired now that it's 2am here, so I'm leaving it as is right now, enjoy~_


	5. Chapter 5

_'Would you rather have Hisoka as your psychiatrist?' _

'He got a wholehearted no to that question.'

'There is a reason he's only put on certain cases.' After all had been said and done, Chrollo had called me back inside and I'd silently observed the rest of the session. What he said afterwards had been correct though, there was something about me that unnerved the boy, but it has nothing to do with me personally. Because of that, it seemed Killua's intentions were easier to dig out and it was easier to unnerve him enough to make him slip up now and again. 'Cos obviously he's been trained or trained himself not to say anything. It fit with the mysteries surrounding his family.

'Is Hisoka working on something right now?' He inhaled the last he could from his cigarette before dropping it to the ground and stomping it out with his heel. It was dark outside earlier than normal because of the clouds hanging over us and a cold wind blew past us; but still Chrollo had wanted to discuss this over a cigarette outside. I hadn't had the time earlier than this unfortunately.

'He's working on one full-timer and a temp. Although he seems to be interested in Gon.'

'Seems to be?'

'He hasn't said anything about it, but it seemed clear to me.' He turned his gaze from the dark clouds to my face, and I gave some of that attention back.

'You're a factual psychologist, right?' I nodded to that, and tensed my shoulders up slightly when another breeze passed us. 'I will have to get used to your use of language then.'

'I will never say something to be 100% true unless provided with evidence. So yes, I will often use "seems to be".'

'You're not shy about your abilities though.'

'Of course I'm not. I know what I'm capable of.' He laughed shortly and looked back at the darkened sky. We stood in silence for a while before he spoke up again, noticing my attention was still with him.

'I don't think it would be a bad idea for Gon to work through some things as well from what I read from your report. But if he's unwilling then there's little we can do about that.'

'He wouldn't say no, he'd be closer to Killua more often. But that would be too much contact.'

'You seem to be sure of that.' He turned his a little when he said that, but I shrugged it off. He turned his head with his body after that. 'We're upping the sessions to three hours, do you have the time for that?'

'I'm only working one other case at the moment.'

'I want you to take two hours of this extension. One with me, and one without me if it goes well.'

'This soon?' I cocked my head when he said this. I'd thought it would take longer than one session for him to give me this kind of responsibility.

'I'm not saying you'll get freedom immediately, but obviously Killua is more likely to tell _you_ things than me. I need you to find out what it is that's causing this. That's why I'll stay in the background, in case you don't catch that.' Sounded fair enough.

'There's three more sessions this week, I can have that information out of him by then.' He laughed a bit harder at that, and I raised an eyebrow at this reaction.

'There's no deadline. It will take however long it will take.' Right. A week. I looked at him questioningly. Is this the difference between him and me? He doesn't calculate but trusts his ability of reading people to get him where he needs to be. He only has a vague goal in the back of his mind, but his main purpose seems to be to just open someone up.

I have a clear goal set for the end of every session, calculated from previously collected data. This could take a little practice for our communications. But it had gone well today, so there was no need to dwell on that.

'My methods have worked well up until now, however I'm not beyond learning. I'll take note of the way you handle things.' He listened intently and seemed to be in the process of analyzing me as well. It's a state of mind for him, isn't it? 'The next session is Wednesday, what time do you expect me there?'

'Five in the morning.' He diverted his attention completely when he lit up another cigarette. We switched places when my hair almost blew into the flame of his lighter.

'You do this so Killua will have even fewer mental boundaries.'

'Yes.' We switched back again when he'd inhaled his cigarette once so I'd be out of the smell of smoke again. 'You're fascinating, you know that?' I looked at him, but I didn't get the look back.

'Next to my skills in this profession, what's fascinating to you?'

'You're practically unreadable. I know there's something there, but I can't see it clearly. Not even your voice betrays this. Have you been in the military? Have you been tortured?'

'I've never been different than this.'

'Yes you have been.' He turned to me completely when he said this. 'Everyone that starts working here gets screened thoroughly, and if there'd been a deficiency in your brain that caused this, you wouldn't have been hired. No matter what Zeno sees in you, he wouldn't be able to pull that through.' He started gesturing with the hand that held the cigarette in his enthusiasm. 'So I know you weren't born with it, and something happened. You have medical skills up until the point that can do stitches, yet you have no medical training in your background. None that has been recorded. On top of that, this blank slate of yours seems to be calming to most of your patients, when for most it should be unnerving because they don't know what to expect. You're a complete mystery.' He let his hand fall back to his side for a second to see how I'd respond to this.

I blinked a couple of times at this analysis of his. There's a reason my medical training is unknown. This week I would have to decide if it would be easier to tell him about it or to keep him away from the information.

'What do you expect me to do with this analysis of yours?'

'Not confirming or denying anything?' I shook my head as he blew out a new strain of smoke.

'If we're analyzing, then you seem to be getting a lot of pleasure out of it. You have little training in psychology and no practice experience before you started working here fulltime. That tells me you either have an overdeveloped part in your brain, or you've gone through something that forced you to develop this. Including your compulsion to train in the gym here every day it could very well be you come from an abusive family and you developed both your body and mind so you would never be caught in a desperate situation like that again. But that's just a superficial analysis because I don't actually know anything about you. Your past is so clean that it raises suspicion.' He sniffled when he heard me say that. I saw a flicker of interest in his eyes. Nothing as open and extraverted like Hisoka, but a subtle gleam. 'But you're not going to confirm or deny anything either, so the only other reason for starting this conversation is because this is your way of getting to know each other. Either for personal or professional purposes.'

'At this level I'd say it's mainly professional.'

'In your case, I'd say there's no difference.' He closed his eyes and shrugged at that. 'I'm going back inside after you finish this cigarette. I need to get my car keys if I want to make it home today.' He didn't stop looking at me, so I returned the favor. His fascination was insistent.

'You're not joining me for a workout?'

'I am more fit than you are without training here, what benefit is there for me to join you tonight?' I inclined my head to this question, but buried most of my face in the collar of my coat when the wind came straight at me.

'You often stay the night here, I am curious to your regime.'

'I'm staying here in the night from Thursday to Friday, I can join you then if you want me to show you my training. Hisoka will be there as well though.'

'I'll be looking forward to it.' He stomped out his cigarette again, and I followed him back inside.

Chrollo, he is working two other cases at this time. Both of them being hard ones as well. He either loves the challenge, or he has learned to love the challenge to keep himself on edge and learning, for survival purposes.

I looked up at the clock in the reception and calculated how long it would take for Hisoka to be done for the day. A mere twenty minutes wouldn't be enough to do some finishing work here, I'll take it home with me.

'I'll see you Wednesday.' I lifted my hand to say goodbye until then, and entered a different hallway to get what I needed. Hisoka had to work tomorrow, so we wouldn't have much time tonight.

* * *

_'Can I call Gon tonight?' _

_'From next week you can call him more often, but this week contact is not allowed.' _

_'My parents then?' He shook his head again. 'Is there any other way to contact the outside world then? 'Cos I noticed you removing the wifi cards from my laptop.'_

_'You need to understand your situation a bit better, Killua. The only reason you're not in prison is because of favorable testimonies. But when it comes down to it, you've been caught red handed almost killing someone that has nothing to do with you. If this person dies while in coma you will still go to prison.'_

Prison my ass, what the hell am I in now then? At least in prison I won't have anyone nagging at me. _But I wouldn't be able to see Gon or have any chance of getting out of there in the next couple of years. _I have to endure this, I have to survive the coming months. If I can figure out what their picture of curing me is, then I can play into it and get the hell out of this boring place. I'm not even allowed to touch my laptop without supervision. I can't even train my skills in a room without surveillance, my dad's gonna be pissed about it and there's no way to tell him about this now. I'm gonna be blamed for it, but I can't do anything about it if I want to fucking get out of here, dad!

'Tch…' I scowled at the dark ceiling above me. These first four days haven't been a picnic. About the only thing I can do for fun around here, is physical training. During and after group session this morning, I'd even been forced to stay out of my room and in one or another common room. I guessed I was supposed to socialize, but there weren't exactly kids my age here. Seems like it really is the heavy institution I researched.

I turned my head and looked out the window. It was a clear sky, and the moon directed its light straight into my… room. The light was beautiful, the room was… beyond basic. I had my own washroom though, I appreciated that. Seemed that was a kind of privilege here.

Either way,

_Sometime after group session, the scruffy looking man with long dark hair that had led it approached me. I'd been sitting alone by a table, typing away the specifics and happenings of this place out of force of habit. I'd remember it easily, but I was taught to do this. _

_'Ah, you're the kid with whom nothing's wrong.' He sat himself down across from me, sitting sideways with his back against the wall. I didn't stop typing for even a second. _

_'And you're the dude leading the group sessions.' Now that that had been cleared up. _

_'Oi oi, a little respect for your elders.' _

_'Tsk.' He made me lose focus for a second and my hands stopped moving over the keyboard. I can't type and talk at the same time, unfortunately. 'Why are you bothering me outside of sessions?' I closed my laptop angrily and gave him an agitated stare. _

_'You nearly killed a man.' It would've been my 94th complete kill if it hadn't been for… complications._

_'Your point being?' _

_'You see, that's what's scary.' Keep your pointing finger to yourself, thank you. 'You react like I'm talking about some candy shop robbery. You don't act like you're someone with problems, but at the same time you don't care about anything, do you?' I leaned my elbow on the table and rested my head on it, sighing exasperated at the usual comments. _

_'Look, I'll go to sessions like I'm told to, I don't contact the outside world for a week like I'm told to,' He reacted to that, was that rule an exception for me? '…all I do on my computer is type, I sit in this room like I'm told, but I haven't been told to listen to or answer you at all. So don't get me wrong, but I really don't care about anything that comes out of your mouth. If I need some useless advice no-one's asking for, I'll know who to turn to.' In response he threw his head back and started laughing with his entire body. Not unlike I'm used to from some teachers, but it still irked me to see it. _

_'Oh, you crack me up, kid.' Well, at least one of us is having fun. I turned my eyes away from him in boredom. 'Too bad you're not gonna be here for long.' He got my attention back with that one. 'Oh? Suddenly you're interested? Look, I know you all think you're different from one another. But when it comes down to it, it's either a means to escape the reality that is this world, it's accepting and abiding by the very basic laws of nature, or you have a brain deficiency.' He pricked his own head in demonstration. _Or you're trained in the art of killing people from the moment you can walk, and that's all you know._ He still wasn't fascinating me. _

_'Why were you bothering me again?' _

_'You lost this this morning.' He shifted in his seat to get something from his pocket and threw it at me. I raised my one free hand to catch it and looked down at it. How had I… 'It lay beside your seat, thought I'd bring it over when I had the time.' I put the pendant back in my pocket when the surprise had faded and looked back at him. _

_'That's what all this was for? Are you all this manipulative?' _

_'I believe that's your job,' He stood up from his chair, '…I'll see you again on Saturday.' He turned his back and raised his hand to wave goodbye before walking around the room a bit more, apparently making contact with others. _

I looked at the pendant laying on the nightstand on the other side of me. The little gold thing had never suited my taste, and when I wear it, it's under my shirt. But it had been the rare occasion of a birthday present that had nothing to do with my work, so I always carry it with me.

I snorted when I thought about the impractical things Gon had given me that had been impossible to haul over here.

'No-one needs a 9ft wide trampoline, Gon, you idiot.' It'd been fun though. Even though I couldn't keep it at my home. When I'm allowed to leave here, even for a day, we're setting that thing up. No matter the weather.

I looked at the alarm clock behind the pendant and saw that it was still way too early to go to sleep. It wasn't even 10pm yet and I'm unable to sleep before midnight, what am I even doing here? Am I allowed to go out of my room at this hour?

'Well screw that.' I said as rolled myself off the bed and walked casually towards the door. I opened it, I saw the lights still on and a person here and there, so I decided it was still okay and made my way to the only place that had actually welcomed me these past couple of days – the gym.

* * *

'You noticed our visitor as well?' I nodded when Chrollo mentioned Killua at the far end of the gym.

A couple minutes ago Killua appeared and hid again around a corner leading to dressing rooms. He was keeping watch on me, and now on both his psychologists. If Killua's still hiding that he's an analyzer, then he's doing a poor job.

'He hadn't expected us.'

'He doesn't know the unwritten rule of gym usage yet, so can't blame him.'

'Either way,' I snapped his attention back; having Killua observe us is of no great consequence. 'I don't use machines for physical training, are you adept in any kind of sport that doesn't require them?'

'We're not waiting for Hisoka?' Although he'd gladly offered to join us tonight, I've learned not to wait for him,

'There's never a guarantee when he arrives for appointments like this. It's best we get started together.'

'Then I'm curious as to what you do.' He was assessing my physique at this point. I don't necessarily look strong, but someone sensitive to body language could see the strength in my body and he was looking at that when talking to me.

There was a kind of hidden strength in him as well. Training together was another way for him to test me, wasn't it? Although we were working together, it seemed I was becoming a project for him. For someone unable to turn off his mind though, that wasn't so strange. He most likely doesn't even see treating patients as work; more as a ways of satisfying his need for mental prowess.

'You don't use machines either, why have we agreed to meet here?' I spoke up,

'Quick judgment, but I do use them occasionally. I don't always have the time for other training.' Working three high level cases at once, that isn't a surprise. Are you reluctant to work on your body and have you simply adopted a physical training out of logic?

I stopped thinking this through when I realized I was going along with him by responding to his questions. I wasn't here to be analyzed, nor had I come here to analyze. Contrary to Chrollo, I enjoy feeling what my body can do.

'Could you stop analyzing me while we're training?' I shifted weight and inclined my head when asking this; he laughed a little when I spoke up about it. 'I am not your patient, and I refuse to analyze you as well. If you want me to figure out something about you, then you can just tell me. We know enough about each other to be able to work together properly.'

'Then tell me what it is you do for training, and we can begin.' The answer to that didn't come from me though.

'Am I still on time to join you?' I looked around when I heard Hisoka, for his doing he was early. He was probably more interested in seeing my interaction with Chrollo than training though. 'I think I would love to have a sparring session again.' I saw him enter with Killua following close behind him. The boy was feigning disinterest and looking away from us, but it was clear he'd been pushed in coming out of hiding.

However, Chrollo ignored our patient.

'You're a fighter? I would like to see this, we could spar in the basketball court.' He directed back at me.

'I wouldn't do that, he's a quick ender.' Hisoka and Killua stopped a couple of feet away, and all attention went to the boy when he spoke to me. Although the statement hadn't seemed to be completely intentional, he pocketed his hands and looked more confident when he noticed he'd surprised us. But still when looking at him, he kept his eyes averted. Chrollo asked him the obvious question,

'You've been around martial arts?'

'I'm interested in them.' It seemed easier for him to look at my supervisor.

'What makes you say I'm a quick ender?' Chrollo spread out his arms a bit in order to receive an answer, but Killua waited for a second to give it. Instead he looked back at me, and then around at Hisoka as well. This is more than just interest, he's sizing us up very quickly. Usually a sign of someone who's been in a lot of fights.

'You have the physique of someone with fast muscles; you evade, you attack, you're done. _You_ are a dodger, you look like you've developed the flexibility for that,' He nodded towards me, '…and you draw out fights, you don't look like you've necessarily received training but you have the stamina in your muscles.' And he gave another nod towards Hisoka. That was quite the analysis. He should realize he's giving away information about himself, is he reveling in having surprised us, or is he now saying this deliberately?

Either way, Chrollo seemed to be going along with this.

'You seem to be the catlike creature in all of this.' All attention went back to the man next to me. 'The way you walk, you're extremely light on your feet, you've learned to pounce, haven't you?'

'I'm not taking a challenge, if that's what you're aiming at. I'm just here to train a bit before going to bed. I have an early morning and I can't get to sleep yet.' He switched weight to his other leg and raised his arms behind his head. He is… genuinely not interested in testing himself against us. Or he's taking the safe road in order to gain good graces with this institution.

'I'm not challenging you, that would be unfair. You know this, and you're declining because of it.' His eyes darkened when Chrollo started this game though.

'It's not 5am yet Chrollo. Don't provoke him outside of our sessions.' I intervened. I put a hand on my hip and looked around at him. Chrollo must have come to the same conclusions about Killua as I have, but he seemed unable to turn his analytical nature off when provided with this chance to provocation. Apparently I needed to stop him from doing this.

I heard a chuckle coming from Hisoka's side, and a disgruntled noise from Killua. Apparently I have stopped Chrollo too late.

'Mah~, if the boy wants to fight, I know of a good match for him.'

'We're not pitting patients against one another, Hisoka.' I turned my head back to the redhead. I knew who he meant. If it would come to the choice between that man or either one of us, then we were the safer choice. 'Certainly not if it means Killua could get his neck broken mid battle.' The boy's attention snapped solely to me.

'I was talking about you, actually, not our dear Feitan. And you wound me, I've made quite some progress with him.' He raised his hand palm open again, he was more up for a fight than Killua was.

'It's good to hear that y-'

'I'll fight you.' I got interrupted by the boy, and I heard Chrollo's soft, amused laugh behind me. 'You look like you fight the same as a teacher of mine, and I could use something to do besides listening to you guys talk all day.' He got a low laugh out of Hisoka for that one. I looked back at him a bit longer. Fighting Killua would give him less resistance against me and that would be an overall bad thing. If I was doing this, then I needed to dominate the fight.

'Alright.' I closed my eyes for a second when it turned quiet around me, and Killua's fighting spirit increased immediately. Seemed like any disinterest he held before had disappeared at the prospect of beating me. 'If you feel the need to take out what you see as verbal assault in a physical way then I have no objections. But I don't restrain myself well, so I'd like for both of you to testify for me when he gets his physical check-up.' I looked around at both the other men in the room and waited for confirmation before looking back at Killua. It's obvious he's had a lot of training; he's eager to do this, but it doesn't show in his stance now that he's put himself in the mindset.

'You sound confident, old man.'

'I'm not a trash talker. We'll have to relocate to the basketball court for this.' I took the jacket off my body and was left with a slightly loose, sleeveless shirt for movement. Killua already stood ready to go, and I lead the way with all three of them following. If he was already challenging me to a physical fight, then I would have no trouble getting him to admit what it was that bothered him about me in the coming two sessions.

I haven't had a serious case in quite some time, though I clearly remember it never going like this.

* * *

_A/N  
__  
I AM VERY SORRY. I forgot to update this one earlier this week. But my upcoming Cosplay is not going smoothly and it distracted me .  
_I update at all hours of the day 'cos screw sleep rhythms .

_But aw shit son, they gon fight!_

_And in the meantime the two psychologists are analyzing the shit out of each other.  
I am building this up way too much aren't I .  
But I like it when it has a good build up,  
I love it even more when it happens over a realistic time span, but we haven't even cleared a week yet xD  
Oh well,  
Cookies for anyone that can already guess Killua's group councellor :3  
_


	6. Chapter 6

'I apologize for beating you this hard.'

'Why are you apologizing? It felt goo~d.' I handed Hisoka an icepack to lay on his slightly swollen face. I hadn't expected Hisoka of all people to be a bit out of shape. 'Besides, it wasn't exactly one-sided.' He pointed at my shoulder, but he'd hit me on several other places as well.

'That's right, you like pain.' He let out a low chuckle when I said this. I never forget, I just can't fathom it. I can ignore pain, but I don't take pleasure from it.

'Aren't you going to thank me for taking over from Killua?' He leaned back against the wall a bit more comfortably and followed my movements very closely as I walked off to get some bandages.

'I could've handled it, but thank you for making it easier for me.' He laughed again as I left the room for a second. He'd had his fill on fun tonight.

First of all, when I started fighting Killua, I mainly dodged to see what he was capable of. His form was quick but unrefined compared to mine. The problem started when he landed a hit; I noticed it had to be over very quickly. The amount of strength behind the impact had nearly cracked a bone in my arm, and from then on I'd resorted to diverting his movements instead of blocking them.

This had been way too frustrating for Killua though. He slowed down, and his moves became sloppier but increased in strength… When I landed a kick that threw him back a bit, Hisoka had caught him by the shoulders and pushed him away at the moment he wanted to attack again. Chrollo then restrained him and took him away from the court after my fight with Hisoka had ended. In the meantime Killua had calmed down a little and observed the fight quietly.

'Even though taking Killua off the field was all that had been necessary; you didn't have to fight me.' I said while returning with what I'd needed.

'You know me better than that.'

'Yes I do.' I put down the first aid kit and took off my sweaty shirt, throwing it next to Hisoka where his lay as well. He'd drawn out the fight for as long as possible and it had been quite a workout. Although I can work on perfecting my form for a maximum of three and a half, maybe four hours, sparring takes a whole lot more out of me. After ten minutes I had Hisoka on the ground for a while, but we'd continued afterwards. It wasn't until I'd gotten a clean kick just below his knee that he forfeited for today. He'd smacked down quite painfully.

I kneeled down in front of him, and ushered him to lift his arm a bit so I could take a look at his side, just below his ribs.

'Ah~ I was quite mesmerized by your beautiful moves, but it seems you have a second admirer.' I pressed the flesh there, and looked at him to ask if he felt abnormalities. He shook his head. I have difficulties containing myself when fighting, especially when I'm drawn out as much as Hisoka does to me.

'I am aware of Chrollo's fascination, he is unable to turn his mind off.' I pressed a bit around the area some more, but flinched when I felt the bruise on my arm again. I retreated my hand and moved my fingers one by one to check where the pain was located.

'He got you good, didn't he? Is it a break?' He sounded pleased at the boy's strength, but I chose to ignore that. It's most probably a small contusion, and that's going to bother me since it's near the wrist of my dominant hand.

'Not a break. It's a good thing I don't need to take notes during sessions, but typing out reports is going to take longer like this.' Where did he get that strength from? What kind of techniques has he been trained in? I felt curious.

'I can do that for you if you like.' He pushed himself away from the wall and turned my head his way forcefully. The gleam in his eyes told me enough about his current state, and I pressed two fingers down on his bruised collarbone to make him let me go. He still grunted slightly in pleasure, but at least I was free, and I took my distance standing up.

'You're never giving up on this, are you?' I crossed my arms and looked down on him, his mood was still in that of a game. 'You're interested in intellect and physical strength, why don't you give this attention to Chrollo instead of me.'

'Chrollo's off-limits, you should be aware of this by now.' I cocked my head when he said this, and waited for a continuation. His smile slowly grew when he realized my lack of information on this. '_Ooh~_ how very interesting.' _Obviously you're not going to explain though, so,_ '…very interesting.' I sighed and sat back down in front of him. He still needed his wounds treated.

'Have you told him about your… issues yet?' I flinched for a second. 'The combination of your peculiarities could become troublesome. I'd talk with him, if I were you. He's very much interested in psychological treasures.' That probably meant he was going to try and elicit reactions from me, wasn't he.

* * *

He hadn't said anything, not one single fucking word. I'd simply been plucked away from the fight and forced to watch from the sidelines before being dragged back to my room by my arm like a fucking five year-old that had thrown a tantrum. _I am a fucking assassin, treat my skills with respect! _I wanted to scream that, I wanted some fucking recognition but I couldn't force it out of them and it was frustrating. I'm supposed to last months in here?!

'I'm well aware that you could break out of here with little trouble, and I appreciate it that you don't.' He'd never left the door opening, Chrollo. After a while of not responding I'd stopped yelling though. And in a moment of complete maturity, I decided to give him nothing but silence as well.

'I know you only do it because you understand your situation, but even just that helps a lot.' I'd laid down on the bed and turned my back towards him. 'What kind of martial art did you learn that punch from? Because judging from the fight Illumi shouldn't have had a hard time blocking it.' _I learned that little trick when I was seven. _'I can ask again tomorrow morning of course. For all that it's worth to you, I'm impressed by how skilled you are at your age. However, displaying these skills with the charges you're currently facing is a bad idea. I'm not someone that will report them because I don't think it's a problem to us, but anyone else will. You hit Illumi with the intention to break his bones. If you'd succeeded, I would have sent you to solitary.' Solitary? They have something like that here?

'Sure, _now_ you act responsible.' I mumbled, but he heard it.

'I didn't think you'd go this far. Did you?' No. I'm supposed to keep a low profile, I didn't fucking intend to break my shrinks arm. That tends to attract attention. I rolled my eyes, and sighed at myself before I turned around and sat up with my legs folded.

'I'm not exactly with who I want to be at the moment, so fucking excuse me for breaking the limits when you give me the opportunity.' I snided at him, but his face was unchanging when he answered.

'You understand that we're putting you under stress on purpose to break through your shield, right?' My eyes shocked wide open when he said that, but he continued. 'That's the way you're thinking now, right? But we don't do that. I can speak for myself that I simply want to understand you, and the first step to that seems to be lying with Illumi. Would you have gotten to the point of wanting to break my arm if you'd fought me?'

'Yes.' I said in all honesty.

'Because I fight to end it quickly and you're trained to respond viciously to that?' _Well, fuck you too._ I pouted at his correct guess,

'Because both of you annoy me.'

'Would you have broken Hisoka's arm?'

'Yes. But he probably wouldn't care.' He lightly nodded his head that I was probably right. 'Besides, you guys can block it, so there's no problem.' He gave me a look that told me he knew I was spouting bullshit. The intent had been there. On top of that, my hand had extended to his ribcage before he blocked it. _Dear diary, I fucked up good today. _Where's a Gon when you need one. Why is that guy being so silent all of a sudden… The look in his eyes right now unnerved me more than Illumi's did…

'Don't underestimate us, Killua. That skirmish told me a lot about you, and Illumi even more. If you want to keep your secrets hidden, you'll need to do a better job. However, your body language tells me you want to come out of hiding about one thing or the other. So I've decided to be absent tomorrow. Illumi will take the session by himself.' I raised an eyebrow at that statement. He was going to leave me alone with that guy? After I nearly broke his arm?! 'If you've paid attention, you should know he won't hold a grudge for what you did today. Now, do you require medical attention?' I looked down and shook my head. I knew I was being scolded for my actions, but this wasn't exactly a scolding I was used to and it put me on edge. 'Then I'll inform Illumi, I'll see you again Sunday.' He turned around and walked away when he noticed I wasn't responding, closing the door behind him. I heard his footsteps fade away.

I… I was shaking.

This isn't how it's supposed to go after going out of bounds like that.

* * *

'…this is interesting.' I cocked my head looking at the scene before me, wondering what happened.

After yesterday's happenings I hadn't expected Killua to show up at my office in the morning by himself, so I went to his room to pick him up. I understood Chrollo's intentions when he asked me to take this alone; the boy is close to spilling one thing or another, and what we're doing with this is increasing the pressure for a moment to make that happen.

But it seems there is no more pressure needed. I lay down the door handle on a cabinet next to the door and looked around inside, but he really wasn't there. I stepped over the hurdles to the window and checked it for signs of exit. I slid my fingers along the frame, but there was no damage. It seemed all clear, but for someone with a mind like Killua's, it wouldn't be hard to exit without leaving a trail. He could've merely forced the door open to distract us.

I didn't hold that above him, but the rest of his room didn't indicate a clear mind. On top of that, I had the inkling he knew the consequences of leaving prematurely were all too clear to him.

I turned around again and stepped over everything he'd thrown on the floor, avoiding the cabinet he'd toppled over as well._ I should check the footage to find out where he is_. I stepped outside and closed the door as far as I could without a handle, but didn't get anywhere near security.

'I'm sorry.' Behind the door suddenly stood Killua. His head hung low and his hands were behind his back. He looked miserable. _Well that's a new look._

'For the room, for missing your appointment, or for wanting to break my ribs?'

'All of it.' He mumbled. Where did this sudden regret come from?

'You don't have to be. We're used to this and I can take physical pain.' I lifted my bruised arm that hadn't turned out as bad as I'd feared, and he glanced at it for a second. 'If you want to stop doing this, you can volunteer for medication?' He shook his head.

'Can we have the session now?'

'Can you focus or do you need to train a bit more before we start?' I could tell he hadn't slept, but I asked nonetheless. He needs to make the decision himself.

'I'm fine.' He pushed himself away from the wall and started walking towards my office. The thing that I'm reminding him of is a very negative influence on him, if it's making him do this. However, just now it didn't seem like it had anything to do with me…

'What did Chrollo say to you yesterday?' I followed him, and asked him this before closing the doors of my office behind us.

'Nothing.'

'Did he threaten you in any kind of way?' It was hard to imagine, but his provocations could have gone out of hand. 'If you're scared to confess I-'

'It has nothing to do with him.' He let himself fall down on the sofa and still looked away from me. I didn't know where to start. Bluntly asking him isn't going to work. 'This will reflect badly on my evaluation, won't it?'

'I can't cover up a broken room, it will be reported. I also don't think it should be covered up.' He looked at how I was carefully managing my arm.

'Your arm will be reported as well?'

'Naturally. Did Chrollo tell you otherwise?' He looked at it a couple more seconds before turning away again. I decided to sit down in front of him like usual. 'You will be forced to take medication, but I'm going to deny this. However, I will force you if I have the notion you're going to attack again. I will make that decision by the end of this session.'

**###**

_It won't work on me, even if you forced it on me_.

I wanted to say that, but the words didn't come out of my mouth. I have been thoroughly trained not to say anything. That being said, I gave away way too much information yesterday by losing my cool and starting a fight. Not only that, it was going to make me stay here longer and dad won't be happy with that… _I'm _not happy with that. I won't be able to fucking make it if I go berserk from being on my own for less than a week. How the hell have I been able to survive without a friend all this-

…. That was it, wasn't it. Before Gon I didn't even know what it felt like to have one…

'I can tell you now that it won't happen again, you don't need to assess that.'

'I know you won't do it again because you realize what your actions have caused. However, it is a mandatory timespan I'm supposed to give you.' _Well hurray for that._ I looked back at him for a second, but wasn't able to hold contact. I hadn't intended to break his ribs, I'd intended to kill him. Intended to make up for past mistakes. I will either go nuts even more because of him, or I will be "cured" faster because of him. But after snapping like that, it will be easier to fake my getting better, even without him…

'I can't talk with you, I want you to be taken off the case.' I said coldly without even looking at him directly. I thought it would take longer for him to respond though,

'Impossible. You don't have a say in the matter.' Those words irritated me, and I felt the corner of my mouth twitching. 'It will not be any different than this until you confess what it is that bothers you about me. At the very least you've now admitted that I and Chrollo have different influences on you.' I scolded myself for having given that away, but I couldn't have kept that up either way. Not with his face in front of me for months to come.

'Of course you do, you're different persons.' I knew it would come over as bullshit, but my ego needed to answer.

'All you need to point out is the thing about me that bothers you. I don't think that's a problem for you.' Yeah, and as soon as I point out it's your appearance, you will link it to that dead man through me and back to my family and shit's gonna hit the fan. No fucking thank you. 'You're giving me calculating looks, so your rooted discomfort has nothing to do with my personality, but my looks?' I quirked an eyebrow when he came to that conclusion. I was giving calculating looks? Who said I was even thinking about you?

'I wasn't even thinking about that, you idiot.' I snapped at him, but he wasn't fazed by it.

'Ah, I was wrong? I could've sworn all of your attention was on me.' At that moment he stood up and walked around the sofa, stopping behind me. 'So it is about my personality?'

'Do you even _have _ a personality?'

'That's what I was wondering. Do I?' Somewhere I wanted to turn around to look at him, but I stopped myself from doing that.

'You don't know if you have a personality? What kind of lame ass excuse of a shrink are you?' I snided at him, but he already had an answer ready.

'Ah, but without a personality, isn't it easier to be objective about someone else?'

'How can you be objective if you never felt anything?'

'Having a personality is linked to feeling for you?'

'Well, if you feel something, it reforms something inside of you. So if you say you have no personality then I assume you've never felt anything.' I turned my head a little to let my voice reach him better. If every conversation was like this, then there'd be no problem getting through it, but that probably wasn't gonna happen.

'Isn't forming a personality more linked to reflecting yourself on others and forming a picture of yourself through that than feeling?'

'If you have formed a picture of yourself through others, you should be able to feel as well because of interaction.' He lay his hands on the backrest next to my head.

'Through a lot of reflection you can understand the reactions of people to certain circumstances, can't you?' I nodded and saw where he was going with this. 'So even if I have no feelings, I can still be able to understand others. But that's all assuming I have neither a personality nor feelings and I'm rejecting that notion.'

'On what basis.'

'On the basis that I have no brain deficiency that verifies this. That is the only evidence you will accept, won't you?' I nodded calculatingly. '_You_ do seem to have emotions.'

'No shit.' I leaned forward and rested my head on my hands, looking nowhere in particular. _What made you come to that brilliant conclusion? That I wanted to kill you or that I thrashed the room?_

'Are those from reflections you've learned by being with your family, friends, or both?'

'From both of them and molded them into something of myself.'

'That's a technically correct answer, and probably the truth. However by now it's clear to you as well that you've admitted very early on that your discomfort has to do with my looks, doesn't it?' I closed my eyes and could've easily gotten a headache from the force my eyebrows were using to push themselves together. _I got more calm and open when he was out of sight…_ 'Everything mentioned here is still confidential.' _Not as soon as you find something incriminating. _'Can you admit your discomfort is because of the way I look if I say we won't research into it?'

'You will anyway, no matter my answer.' Why they haven't done it yet is beyond me.

'That's true. And you know, I'm glad that not having me in your sight increases the effectiveness of these sessions.' I rolled my eyes when he said that. With just that little fact he'd already deducted his answer, I was being stupid today as well. 'However,' I felt a tingle traveling up my neck and it put me on edge, 'I am offended that you say I have no emotions. Are you going to take that back or not?' The slight tingle turned into a full blown shiver from my head to my toes and I felt survival instinct kicking in of getting the hell out of there. I wanted to suppress it in favor of keeping my cool, but I couldn't.

I stood up as calmly as I could and took a couple of steps towards the desk to lean against it before looking at him again, nearly mumbling my answer,

'My apologies.'

'Thank you.' The menacing aura around him slowly disappeared. 'Ah, sorry about that, I get carried away sometimes.' He smiled the words with his mouth, but his eyes still looked blank to me. _What in the living fucking hell was that just now?! _'Yellmi was it… right?'

'What the…'

'I guessed correctly? Of all the persons we could do research on, he looked to be the best match to our problem so I guessed it was him.' No, you fucking stay right at that couch, don't you fucking come near after pulling all this shit… You know too fucking much if you already know about Yellmi… 'I wouldn't be comfortable talking to a living corpse either.' _That's fucking it._

'I'm fucking out of here.' I said before walking past him and reaching for the door.

'Is it someone whose death you or someone you know has had a hand in? Because he had no relation to you or your family whatsoever.' I halted again for a second. 'Ah, but you would've been 10, so you probably weren't it.' I turned around in anger at that point,

'What the fucking hell are you guys playing at?! Am I just a fucking toy to you sick people that's gonna go to prison or the insane asylum either way?! Because if that's the case then I might as well say yes to everything you ask and get this fucking over with! You want to hear me say I'm insane? Fine! Just don't fucking dance around it!' I wanted to smash in the door behind me but my survival instinct was again saying I shouldn't do that. I bared my fangs at this crippling feeling.

'We're actually quite direct with you.'

'Fuck you!' I yelled before reaching for the handle again, ready to break it off,

'If you leave now I'll have you restrained to your bed as it currently is.' There was something he was exuding that kept me from leaving that room, it weren't even his words… 'Ah, have I now established a different personality than Yellmi? Do you see me differently now that I've shown you a piece of my personality instead of my blank slate?' I… didn't know how to deal with this anymore… 'I'll stop as soon as you sit down again, and we'll talk about something else, alright?' My hand was on the handle, but all it could do was shake. He was unchanging in giving me this eerie feeling, and I felt like I stood powerless. All that training – both physical and mental – and I could do nothing but shake?! Unacceptable!

I gripped the handle tighter and started moving it, but was stopped when Illumi's footsteps came closer.

'I will give you another choice then.' The menacing feeling disappeared again with every step he took towards me. 'If you stay here I will not report that you intended to kill me and I will deny that this Yellmi has anything to do with you.'

'What's in that for you?' I spoke up and noticed Illumi stopping a mere foot behind me.

'I'm not interested in what this institution thinks of you. I'm only interested in you.' A shiver went up and down my spine again for a whole different reason.

'I can't trust you.'

'You don't have to.' _Of all fucking shrinks in the entire fucking world I ended up with him… _There wasn't actually a choice anymore, he was threatening me very effectively and I wondered if he knew _how_ effectively.

I let go of the handle and turned around, looking up at him and straight into his black eyes. _If I hear one more fucking question about your doppelganger I _will _rip your heart out, no matter the consequences. _

* * *

_A/N_

_Nah, just an analysis of a fight this time. Considering how much Illumi gets on Killua's nerves though, I reckon it won't be the last time they'll face of..._

_Oh, and hello philosophy, we meet again. If this seems like strange behavior for psychologists to you, then you are correct.  
This is not your normal institution, mainly because of the people Zeno hired; and he permits the experimental treatments his employees want to try.  
I lovingly dub this institution,  
"The institution of- and for oddballs"  
_

_And yes, I have included Illumi's little trick. Somewhere, sometime, I heard about real people being able to do inflict fear like that. If I ever remember the source of that info again, I'll include it.  
_

_And a "mehehehe" for changing Chrollo's thieving to a psychological nature.  
_

_Now please excuse me while I weep over my broken sewing machine a week before going to a con_


	7. Chapter 7

_'That wasn't a very smart thing to do.' _

_'I don't want to hear that at this moment.' _

_'One step further and you might've….' Hisoka deliberately stopped there, I didn't need to force him to. 'So you're taking the next session as well?' I sat back up on the couch and started tying my hair back again. Although I didn't have physical contact with Killua, I haven't used that little trick in a long time, and it had caused… complications. Combined with the session as it had been today had proven difficult for me to handle. _

_'I'm meeting with Chrollo in two hours to discuss that.' Hisoka stood up from the ground and picked up his previously discarded phone in the process. It's not a good thing if I have to visit the redhead in the afternoon. _

_'Ooh~ that sounds like an interesting meeting.' He ignored his phone immediately and looked back at me quite amused. I wasn't giving him this one though. _

_'I'm not backing down.' _

_'Do you think that's fair though, working out your own issues through your patient?' He set his hands on my legs and slid them further up while leaning in closer. He stopped with his face an inch away from mine. I am a hypocrite. _

_'There's nothing to work through, I just have it. And I will maintain professionalism.' I grabbed his wrists and pushed them off my legs while standing up. _

_'You sound so sure of yourself. But still…' He didn't step away though, and we were still close. I replied like I always did to this situation. _

_'I am fully capable to deal with this myself if you become too troublesome.' He chuckled before taking some distance to open the door for me. _

_'See you next time.' He made a curtly bow, but I walked past him without responding or looking at him. Although it's nothing I can work through, I need to find better ways to handle it. It's getting harder to keep Hisoka away when I don't actually need him. _

* * *

Tomorrow Gon was finally allowed to come by… they'd told him he could be here any time after my session, but I'm still laughing at that. I was imagining Gon getting up to be here at eight in the morning. Oh he was going to be here at exactly that time, but the look on his face was gonna be priceless. I'm surprised he ever got good grades for anything with that sleepy head of his in the morning.

I smiled away at that prospect through the window in one of the common rooms; it was snowing again. I'd gotten a temporary bedroom while the other was being fixed, but even the common room is better than that tiny thing. At least here they've learned not to come talk to me without a purpose other than small talk. I may have sent one or two crying with just talking, but that's not very difficult in this place.

The physical checkup had been a joke, by the way. They were allowed to assess any abnormalities on my body, but not allowed to draw any conclusions from that. That was reserved for my shrinks. During this morning's session though, I'd heard nothing about it. Not even Yellmi was mentioned again. Seemed he'd at least been honest about not bringing that up again. You'd think that after finding the scars on my legs he'd start talking about the vague wounds on my back or over my chest, but no. Nothing. _Like I needed any more confirmation that Illumi was a weirdo though. _

I sighed and looked back at my laptop. I'd made a beautiful documentation which Gon was allowed to take home. I'm pretty sure he's not gonna hear everything I have to say tomorrow, so he's gonna need it. And it's not like I got so much else to do around here.

'How's Illumi treating you?' I turned my eyes up when I heard Chrollo's voice on the other side of the table.

'Hello to you to.' I looked out the window again, but he sat down in front of me either way. 'I'm being harassed outside of sessions now as well?'

'No, this is purely an evaluation of my colleague.'

'Isn't everything you need to know in his documents? I don't want to talk with any of you if it's not obligated.' _You shrinks always seem to have a way of getting one conclusion or the other by "just talking" with anyone._

'Then I'll make it obligated.' Jesus Christ, the persistence of these guys… I sighed again before looking back at him and answering.

'What I think of Illumi right?' He nodded. 'He's creepy. He never shows what he really knows but never lies either. He doesn't show anything except that one little trick of his that induces fear – which was completely out of line, by the way – and he makes me fucking uncomfortable. Happy now?' He gave a slight nod again.

'Does it feel like a personal attack, or just general.'

'Just general.' It doesn't seem like he's interested in contact with anyone at all, why would it be personal? Do my shrinks have bad communication?

'What do you think triggered him to use it?' I looked at him for a couple of seconds with an accusing look, he was already going inside my mind again instead of staying focused on his colleague. Still he patiently waited with a friendly face for me to answer. _What the hell are you guys. _

'I was about to leave the session early.' I looked away, ready for more questions, but,

'Thank you. Enjoy the rest of your day.' He stood up and lay a hand shortly on my shoulder before walking past me and out of the room. Seriously? That was fucking it? I think I'm gonna hit the gym again before I'm gonna kill someone tomorrow.

* * *

'You're calling me? Is it urgent that you do this after ten?' I looked up at the clock hanging on the wall in front of me. Sunday evening and for a change I'd actually made it home. I've only been home for one hour and had just sat down comfortably to get some rest; only to be interrupted by my supervisor five minutes later over my house phone.

_'I want to come back on something we discussed two days ago.' _

'Ah, you decided I can't use that method anymore after all?' I raked a hand through my hair and leaned back in the chair. When I told him how I'd kept Killua in the session then, he'd shown some doubt, but hadn't spoken up about it.

_'No I'm okay with that, but I have the feeling there's something missing from both your verbal and written report.' _

'Something missing?' I blinked at that statement. I hadn't left anything out, had I? That would be the first time. He remained quiet for a second before answering.

_'You sound genuinely surprised.' _

'I am because that's impossible. I never leave out any technical detail, so you're not talking about that.' If, in the highly unlikely possibility, that was the case, then I was somehow distracted, and I refuse to believe that something as inconsequential and new as Killua's case was doing that to me.

_'No I'm not. To some extent I can understand the reasoning in what you've told and written and I can follow what you're saying, however…' _

'You're saying there's something in there from me that you don't understand. It is motivation behind certain words, isn't it?' However what Chrollo is asking for is an explanation of something from my past, and I still don't have the need to discuss this with him. 'But if you can understand the reasoning, then there's no problem.'

_'I'm going to sit in on the session tomorrow, I'm curious to see your interaction.' _

'You've seen it before.'

_'Not like the way you've described it.' _

'There's no need to tell me you're going to do this, you know I don't take anything personally. It wouldn't impede on our cooperation if you would just show up to watch. Are you doing this out of curiosity or out of professional courtesy?' Seeing as that he called at this time I figured it was the first one. He laughed shortly,

_'This is purely because I like to understand these interactions.' _

'Then I will see you tomorrow.' After he'd said his goodbye as well, I hung up and looked at the phone a little longer. That Chrollo was interested in what motivated me was nothing new. That he'd called just to announce this _was _something out of the ordinary. Was he now interested in that little trick of mine as well? He's hoping to find more information about me through that?

I lay the phone down on the table and stood up to get something to drink. If he was more interested in me than Killua at this point, then I'd rather not have him in the session tomorrow. However, he has the authority to be, so I can't refuse him if he insists.

At that point I stopped walking towards the small kitchen and turned around to go back to the phone. If tomorrow morning was going to be the way Chrollo wanted, then I'd ask the question I certainly wanted answered by my patient right now.

I dialed the number of the reception and asked them to put Killua on a private line with me. While waiting for this, I decided to get my drink either way, and waited leaning against the kitchen counter. It took a while, but I didn't expect Killua to rush to the phone,

_'What the fucking hell did I do to deserve this?' _

'Ah, Killua, one question.'

_'First Chrollo bothering me, and now you again? Aren't the sessions long enough already?' _Chrollo had talked to him today? _'You just out for the same stuff? Wanna know what I think of that guy?'_ I cocked my head when I heard that. He'd asked Killua what he thought of me as an individual? If I won't read about that in the paperwork, then I need to take some measures to make him more cooperative.

'I don't have need for that information.'

_'Then get this fucking over with, you guys don't let me get any sleep either way.' Although that doesn't seem to affect you. _I pushed myself away from the counter,

'What do you recognize as love?' It was a basic question, but it hadn't been important up until now. For the information I want to get from Killua next, I need his answer to this.

_'…Are you fucking kidding me?' _He sounded exhausted.

'… …'

_'Are you obligating me to answer as well? 'Cos I sure as hell don't feel like answering a question like that over the phone.' _

'If that convinces you to answer, then yes.'

_'You're all the fucking same…' _A silence fell over the line for a while. I still heard him breathing, and walking around a bit before answering. I was waiting for an answer not from the textbooks, else that would mean he either didn't know what it felt like, or he was too tired to think of something himself.

_'Alright,' _I perked my ears when he spoke up again. _'I can't really answer if I don't know what kind you're talking about. So… in the first place it's something that makes you feel happy whenever you see someone, right? You feel comfortable, free, it's fun and relaxing, no questions asked, you know it's there. It can also be… god fucking damnit, do I really have to do this? It feels weird over the phone.' _Slowly I walked back to the living room with my drink.

'Yes you do. I thought we were clear on that.' He sighed deeply before continuing, and I put him on speaker when I sat down on the couch. It sounded like he was talking more about love he felt towards Gon than towards his family with that description,

_'It's also a sense of loyalty, that you'd do anything, no questions asked 'cos you know they'd never make you do something that'd hurt you.' _There was spite in the last part. I got exactly what I wanted.

'Thank you. Then one last thing in regards to your time and activities with Gon tomorrow…'

_'Shoot.' _I heard a quiet thump, he'd probably sat down against the wall,

'How much privacy will you be needing, because we have a room without surveillance specially for maximum privacy visits.' There was complete silence on the other side for a couple of seconds. I hunched over the phone a bit when it took a while,

_'What?!' _I leaned back again in response to the volume,

'You won't need it?'

_'Fucking hell no! He's a _friend, _a _friend_, can you comprehend that?!' _

'Then I won't reserve the room for you, I'll see you tomorrow.' I heard some disgruntled noises coming from the other side before I hung up. Not a relationship then. I'd wondered about that from the moment I saw them together in the park. The depth of what I saw with Gon and Killua alike then, had looked either like brothers or lovers. I will come back on this tomorrow if I can.

* * *

'So… you're here too?' I leaned back against the wall next to the door and gave Chrollo a disgruntled look. I'd hoped to just have to deal with Illumi today like last times. Although the less experienced one seemed to be more straightforward he was still unpredictable; but not as unpredictable as Chrollo seemed to be. I barely had any time alone with him, and I had no fucking clue what his angle was. I don't care that he said he was only out to help me. There's no such saint in the world, and most certainly not someone like him. Someone that kept a friendly face at all times.

'I'm taking care of your parents today, so I thought it good to hear some more live instead of reading reports.' I huffed at his explanation and pushed myself away from the wall. _You just don't want to come over as a lazy fuck. _He seemed like the complete opposite though.

'That's why we're talking about your family today.' _You'll not hear much if that's our subject. _I turned back to Illumi as I pocketed my hands and let myself fall down on the couch lazily.

'Fine, fire away.' I snided and looked away slightly, leaning my head back on the rest.

'How old are you.'

'Excuse me?' I lifted my head again immediately. 'Fourteen.'

'What day were you born?'

'On a fucking Wednesday. We've been over this in this first session.' Did I time travel back to a week ago?

'Both your parents are alive?'

'No they're not. You're meeting with ghosts in a couple of hours.' I side glanced at Chrollo, but he kept an even face as usual.

'What are their names?' I hung my head and sighed.

'Silva and Kikyo Zoldyck.' What kind of game was he playing?

'Any siblings?'

'Three, Milluki who's older, and Alluka and Kalluto who're both younger.'

'Nephews or nieces?'

'Not that I know of.'

'Where do you live?'

'21-23 Kukuroo road.' He was firing simple questions at me so he could catch me off guard? Or was he simply testing if I could lie?

'That's a big house, how can you afford it?' Most of all he was testing my patience though. I felt my eyebrow twitch and I got my hands out of my pockets, leaning my arms on my knees.

'My dad works as a merger/takeover specialist, we have a high income.' Sure, mergers. I folded my hands and looked at him irritatingly. I inclined my head a little.

'What does your mother do?'

'She worked at the same company as my dad before they had me.'

'That's where they met?'

'Yup.' It was a good thing I'd spent a lot of time in the gym yesterday.

'When was this?'

'Almost thirty years ago.' How long should I play along? I could stop, but _he_ probably wouldn't, and they would hold me here longer. Chrollo seemed to be eager to see where this was going as well, there was a slight change in the way he looked at the scene. _So you _are _capable of changing expressions?_

'What does your mother do now?' My eyes turned invisibly back to Illumi in front of me.

'Been a house mom ever since I was born.'

'What's been your father's place in your upbringing?' Should I throw him off by pausing now and again?

'You mean what kind of dad he is?' He nodded. Shifting in his seat to match my position. That was a cheap trick, and nothing like him. So he was trying to belittle me? He was annoying me to throw me off?

'He's at work most of the time, but when he's home he teaches me how to fend for myself.' I'll keep an even voice and rhythm to his answers then. I can lie just as well as tell the truth, there's no difference.

'Physically or mentally?'

'Mentally.' Not entirely untrue, he supervises my verbal skills now and again.

'What's your mother's role?' _Making sure I do as I'm told. _They were both so stoic today that it _was_ throwing me off a bit. Fuck.

'She's there when I need her, but she still hasn't grown out of her separation anxiety, she smothers me.' That was perhaps not the best choice of answer. She hadn't shown any problems letting me go here, after all. Illumi never stopped asking though, so perhaps it was alright. _Yeah, not fucking likely. _

'You get in trouble now and again, right?' _Why do you think I'm fucking here._

'Yeah, mostly school pranks.'

'How do your parents discipline you for that?'

'They ground me.'

'That's it?' I nodded leisurely, but knew I'd fucked up with that one. It's the answer that's been drilled into me and it's not a lie; these cuts are from training, not punishment.

'You're interested in martial arts?'

'As are you.'

'What sports do you practice or have you practiced?'

'I'm a genius at martial arts, I do several at the same time now.'

'You combine them into your own style yourself?' Nodding… 'Did you teach yourself that punch earlier this week as well?' I kept nodding. _No I haven't, dad taught me that and it nearly killed me learning it. _

'Then I would agree you are a genius.'

'Thank you.' Somewhere I liked it that I finally got some recognition, even though it should go to my dad. Surviving those training sessions made me a fucking genius though.

'Not a problem. Do you get a lot of compliments?' I changed the motion to shaking my head slowly.

'I'm expected to be a genius by both my parents. They have high hopes for me.'

'I wasn't necessarily talking about your parents.'

'Doesn't matter.' _I missed a nuance in his sentence, this is getting dangerous. _

'For what do they have high hopes for you?'

'No fucking clue, they just want me to give all I have at everything I do, they don't accept less.'

'That's hard to live up to.'

'Not very.' Like there was a choice. I never even considered a different life than what they offered me; and surviving through the day under hardships that pushed you harder each and every time was just the life I lived.

'It's a way of life for you then? How is that, now that Gon has shown you a different way?' Alright, this needed to end fast if he was already up to guessing my thoughts. I leaned back and lay my arms wide over the backrest. While having this interrogation, Chrollo had disappeared into the background completely and such a half-hidden presence made me itchy. _You don't do this unless you're an enemy or provoking me. _

'I thought this was about my family, not Gon?'

'You're entirely correct. Is Gon like family to you?' My eyes narrowed a little when he asked that question – remembering the talk yesterday - and decided to talk around it.

'For the sake of moving this along, no he's not.' It hurt a little to say that, but I can't tell if Illumi picked up on that.

'How do you define family?' He inclined his head, that wasn't a good sign either.

'The ones I'm related to by blood.'

'Therein lies your loyalty?'

'Yes.' I was starting to feel apprehensive of where this was going, but kept an even voice and look through all of it. This had to do with his questions yesterday, he was trying to pinpoint the feelings belonging to my different relationships.

'So by your definition you have no loyalty towards Gon?'

'Of course I have loyalty towards Gon, he's my friend.'

'But your blood relatives come first?'

'Yes.'

'If you were told by them to harm Gon so they could survive, would you listen?' I couldn't keep an even gaze with that question. I narrowed my eyes more at him. This was the first time he'd hinted towards the reason I'm actually here and he chose to do so just before Gon's visit. I was not appreciating this.

'I can't answer that. Because they would never ask me something like that, they know what he means to me.' _They know exactly what he means to me, that's why they told me to…_

'Then you chose on your own volition to-' I stood up and wanted to walk away when he was about to say it, but refrained from doing so, remembering the last time I'd attempted this. Illumi followed me with his eyes, but didn't even let out a hint of wanting to stop me. He was so fucking sure I wouldn't walk away that it pissed me off even more.

'It was a series of unfortunate events that came together. Nothing more.' He stared back at me blankly until I'd sat down again.

'Very unfortunate indeed.' I knew I was stuck. I'd shown signs of being trained more than I should be at my age; that together with that they knew I cared about Gon and would never choose to harm him voluntarily; put all of that together with the reputation my family has of being ruthless in one way or another… Illumi and Chrollo were too perceptive, I wouldn't be able to mislead them very long… I sincerely hope dad can fix this situation as quickly as possible. _They learned too much about me through Gon. _

'But would you harm Gon if they asked you to?'

'I still can't answer that.'

'Would you be able to?'

'Physically, yes.'

'Mentally not?'

'The only reason I'd consider was if I had to choose between him and my parents.'

'Who forced you into the series of unfortunate events?' Alright, I can work on this notion that I was forced by someone outside all of this.

'No-one.' I gave a slight hint of a lie, and he stopped talking for a good while. He leaned back and turned his head towards Chrollo, apparently silently communicating with him. I goddamn swear they're telepathically connected. After a couple of seconds, Chrollo nodded and turned to me,

'I'm taking over for now, Illumi's going to take a break.' Break my ass, he's going to investigate, or wants me to think he is.

'I'll be back in half an hour.' They both stood up from their chairs, and Illumi left without looking back. I followed him with my eyes until Chrollo appeared in my periph. My eyes shot back at him as he sat down. He waited 'till I had my full attention on him before he spoke up.

'So, now that you've been given the freedom to leave without anything or anyone stopping you,' So that's why Illumi left? 'Would you care to tell me, where did you learn to lie so well? It's not often that I have trouble discerning truth from lies. Although you did give away you felt cornered when Illumi offered you a way out of our accusations towards your parents, and you took it with both hands. So either way it seems your parents are involved in what you did against Gon or there's a secret surrounding them that you won't share. However, because Gon could get in the way of their expectations of you they're probably not fond of him, are they?' For the sake of keeping up appearances, I hoped that there was still blood in my face. How the hell could they…

'… …'

'Not answering? You know we already understand a lot about you, but you will never directly admit anything so we won't be able to hold anything directly against you. I could always revoke Gon's right to visit, but you still wouldn't talk. Because in past actions you've shown to be willing to go against him for something or someone else. I could also keep you here indefinitely, but I'm sure whoever's manipulating you would act against that in one way or another.' I knew this, I already knew they figured out this much. But even from them I hadn't expected they come out with their findings so easily. 'This is all based on the fear that we'll either find out something incriminating about this person manipulating you, or that we find out something about you yourself.' _Those are closely related. _'This fear is based on getting locked up or hunted down, and is ungrounded.' He stopped longer after having said that and just looked at me. Is he some kind of freak that gets pleasure out of analyzing like this?

'Of course I'm not looking forward to being locked up, I won't have much of a life left. Let alone if he dies while in a coma.'

'Safe answer. The problem here is that you're so preoccupied with not saying anything,' _I _can't _say anything, _'…that you're missing a vital point with both me and Illumi. And that's the reason we've been put on your case.' He paused for a second before leaning closer a bit, 'Neither of us cares even a little if you're guilty or not, and it's not why we're asking you these questions.' I quirked an eyebrow at that, he said this before…

'… …'

'I'm guessing it will take time before you believe that, that's why I'd upped the time on our sessions.'

'If you want me to believe you, then why do you leave me alone with Illumi all the time?'

'Believe it or not, because of your history with Yellmi, you have the inclination to be more frank with him than with me. No matter how much you hate that.' He smiled when he saw the reaction in my expression. How can I _not_ react to that face. 'Although it seems verbally you've adapted quite well to his presence. Now if you would be so kind to indulge if the place you learned to lie is the same place you got those scars?'

'If you're so sure I'm not going to talk, then why ask me?'

'You don't need to talk for us to find out what we need to know. Like I said, we're not interested in "evidence". If you won't say anything about them, then I'm going to assume they've been caused by your parents. From what your physical examination told me, the wounds had been inflicted on you over an extended period of time and with your acting skills, you wouldn't be able to hide them from your parents for so long. And if they would've found out, they would've acted against this person and you wouldn't have had a similar fresh wound just last week, would you?'

'… …'

'Are you waiting until I've given you my full analysis so you know how to retort next time?'

'I'm quiet because none of this is correct.'

'Oh? But you have indicated that your parents push you a lot so you will live up to their expectations. It wouldn't be uncommon if those wounds came from either them or the martial artist they may have hired to train you.' _Gon, I could really use your company right about now._

* * *

_A/N_

_Oh fucking snap snap SNAP  
Ya better watch out Killua, 'cos Chrollo's Z-snapping all over the place today.  
_

_Yes, I am putting a lot of thought into this story.  
These are high-grade psychologists (plus they have their secret pasts that have made them sharper of course), and they will notice the small things in mannerisms and the words that their patients say. So I will have to be just as scrutinizing as they are. I love being that way though._

_Cooperation between Chrollo and Illumi is starting to show cracks though. How will that end?_

_Also, publishing it on here is doing wonders for my productivity. Ilu guyz :3  
(meanwhile my wrist is killing me... don't ever sew an entire outfit by hand if you can help it; brb off to kill the guys that are slow in repairing my sewing machine with my sore wrist)_


	8. Chapter 8

_'You've gotten less responsive than usual, what happened while I was gone?' _

_'Which part of the information I gave were you researching?' _

_'I wasn't.' I'd genuinely stepped out because Chrollo had asked me to, and hadn't gone back in until he was done. I would read in his report at a later time what had happened, but that didn't do me any good at this point. The boy looked up at me, distrustingly, and he wasn't about to start trusting me any time soon. 'What would you like to talk about?' I sat back a bit to give Killua the room to answer, but he still didn't. Not even after a minute of silence. Had Chrollo completely shattered his trust or was it that Killua was now trying his best not to trust us even though he started doing just that? _

_'If you're going to remain silent, we can al-'_

_'No we can't.' _

_'Ah, thank you for talking! That makes things a lot easier. Now tell me, do you have objections to facing Chrollo alone? It seems to have a strange effect on you.' _

_'I have objections to all of this, don't ask stupid questions.' _

* * *

'Uwaaa~ you look horrible!'

'Hahaha! You're one to talk!' Once I was finally released from their claws, I was greeted by Gon on the other side of the door. 'How can you even function at school, it's not even that early!' I laughed just before I let the brightness of his smile sink in and I fell silent. Somewhere behind me I still noticed the presence of Illumi, but it was drowned out for a second by Gon's assaulting hug. For a moment I didn't know what to do and hung my arms awkwardly in the air. After that I just laughed and closed my eyes when hugging him back. He let go when Illumi spoke up again,

'I don't know how long your school will permit a visit, but there is the possibility of staying until 5pm. You can go anywhere in and around this facility – Killua knows where and where not to go. If you have the desire to go out, you will contact us and we'll consider the risk.' I can go_ out_?! No-one told me this before! 'However, that will be no more than two hours, and you will not leave my sight. The moment that happens will be the moment we will have no other option but to send you straight to prison. We have ways to find you that you don't know of.' I got chills up and down my spine when I felt Illumi doing his little trick when he said this. I visibly reacted to this, but Gon didn't take notice of it, he just replied happily,

'Ah! That's good news Killua! Where do you wanna go?' _Anywhere away from here is just perfect, thank you. _

'Mah, didn't you have a ton of ideas already?' Gon's presence was drowning out those of the other two, and I relaxed some more. I raised my hands behind my head and smiled back at that idiot. He looked confused though, 'Haha! I knew it, you're still fucking sleeping!'

'You know I'm not good at early hours!' _Luckily didn't stop you last week, _

'You had dozens of ideas last time, where did that- ow!' I retaliated the punch I got to my head for my insult and grinned like an idiot while doing so.

'Let's just go into town, 'lright?' He finally suggested. I lowered my arms and pocketed my hands before answering. Even just that is good enough.

'Fine by me, I'll go get changed. I'll give you a grand tour of this place when we get back. Don't fall asleep when I'm gone.' I grinned back evilly at him before darting off, he was completely unable to follow. I looked back at his sleepy expression and laughed; thank god for this guy.

I stopped instantly and raised my hand when I remembered one specific thought from last week though. Gon cocked his head and looked at me questioningly,

'Hey!'

'What?'

'Remember your birthday present to me?'

'Ah!' His face lit up together with mine when he remembered. 'But that's more than two hours away! We can't do that.' His face dropped for a second before lifting instantly again, 'There's bound to be a playground with that in the neighborhood though! We'll look for one.' I laughed at the determination in his entire posture. No matter if he'd be able to succeed or not at this time of year, he was bound to do his best now.

Just for me…

Turning around and quickly walking back to my room, I did have to assess the situation for a moment. Illumi would be keeping an eye on us at all times. Although normally not intimidated by that, he _did_ spot my equipment easily last time and is apparently quicker than I am when it comes to fighting. I would probably not be able to escape. Not only that, but if I would hightail it out of here, I would become unable to see Gon again. I would be claimed dead by my family and not be able to do anything else than my job for the rest of my life. It's better to just enjoy the visit instead of trying something funny today.

Besides, my stay here was being taken care of by my parents either way, I didn't have to do anything, and it was preferred I wouldn't. _I can just have fun with Gon today then. _

That little thought quickened my pace a little.

* * *

_'Does it make you uncomfortable that his analyses are correct? Ah, but that should give you more discomfort to me as well. Are you mentally worn out by these conversations? Is that it? You're used to physical adversity but not so much lasting mental? Or is it because you've become aware of other ways of life through Gon that this is mentally-' He stood up at that point. _

_'You know, I don't fucking care anymore. Do your little trick, see if it stops me from walking away.' _

_'Alright. I won't.' Walking towards the door with determination, I asked one last thing. 'Are you tired because you're not used to dealing with honesty in your life?' He stopped instantly and his fist connected with the wall just as abruptly, almost cracking it. He turned his head around just enough to let his voice reach me better. _

_'What part of _anything_ of this has to do with fucking honesty?! I'm here so I won't go to prison, you guys are constantly telling me you're not interested in sending me there but still hold it over my head whenever I don't fucking cooperate. Pre tell where in the fucking hell honesty comes in!' The volume of his voice raised considerably in the duration of that sentence. I inclined my head when I noticed this was the first open honest thing he'd admitted. _

_'My apologies.' His fist stayed connected to the wall, 'I've insulted you. You won't leave anyway because you are aware of the consequences, I will not hold a futile thing like that over your head again.' Giving him that little leeway shook his resolve for a second. Perhaps he realized what he'd just done. He stood silent, contemplating, before speaking up softer, _

_'Don't fucking threaten with keeping me away from Gon either.' _

_'Ah, you think we do that to provoke you? But that is not a threat, it is a legitimate consequence of your actions. You have been given privilege of extended visits from him, but the right to that privilege will not stay if you do any more things like trying to kill me or destroying your room.' Carefully, he pulled his fist away from the wall and lowered it to his side. These couple of minutes have been the most profound progress we've had up until now. The prospect of his friend visiting does a lot for him._

_'Why are you giving me that privilege..?' _

_'You don't know enough about your relationship with Gon compared to the understanding you have of the way your family works.' _

_'That's it?' _

_'Did I sound like I wanted to continue?' His head turned back to the wall slowly, and it took him a while to push away his pride and sit down in front of me again. He didn't look back at me, 'You can still leave.' _

_'Tch…' It was all he responded with to that. He had a lot of excuses in mind for his actions, obviously, but he didn't use them. He's afraid of ruining things with Gon._

_Let's give him a reward to ease the tension of last week, _

_'You have a lot of reasons for leaving this room and I'm not giving you consequences for it, so in exchange for staying I'll give you something as well.' His eyes shifted towards mine, calculating. Of course I'm not obligated to give him anything, and he was wary of that, 'Next session alone we'll reverse the roles, and you can ask and analyze me.' That wouldn't be until the end of the week though, Chrollo will be there in the next couple of sessions. _

_His eyes narrowed when I gave him this. _

_'You think there's a catch?' _

_'Of course there's a fucking catch. You won't tell the truth, will you?' _

_'I will or I won't, depending on what you ask. But that's not the point, is it? It's about you wanting to analyze me from even before we met. Do you specifically _want_ the truth?' I leaned forward a bit more, but he backed off just as much when I did. 'Ah, apologies, you realize this is a question to determine your relationship to honesty.' Silence, but he didn't look away. 'You have a lot of curiosity, I like that. If you're wondering about the second motivation behind this choice. Ah, but I don't think I can promise to tell the complete truth at all times about me though, I have a rather strange past.' I leaned back again and put a finger against my chin, looking up slightly in contemplation. 'It wouldn't be fun for you if I'd just tell everything, so that works out.' I smiled and dropped my hand again. There were conflicting thoughts going on inside of him concerning this offer. 'There's nothing to fear, why are you doubting? Do you think I will go back on my promise? There's no reason to, I can tell you anything I want.' _

_'… …' I cocked my head at his silence until I realized what he was doing. _

_'You're analyzing me already?' He huffed amused when I said that. 'Then you're looking forward to it, that's good.' But still, no matter how much he tries to adapt to the way I look, he keeps being uneasy because of the resemblance. Except for his decision to stay – which was based on Gon instead of me or his family – all of his answers are chosen in fear. Although it gives for interesting answers and makes it easy to analyze him, I would need to up my physical training quickly if I were to continue on that feeling. Fear is strong within him, and it will make him lose control more than before. _

_Should I try making him more comfortable with me and seeing how that works out? _

_… No. _

_If I do that, I will become dishonest in my questions, and Killua will notice, shutting down. _

_'Gon will be here at eight, right?' _

_'Yes.' He doesn't care that he's transparent about Gon. He genuinely wants to save that relationship – for as far as that's needed. Perhaps Hisoka really should talk with the boy a little, he has the time. _

_'Will my parents be here as well?' _

_'They won't be here until five.' He nodded absentmindedly. Reconsidering, it's a bad idea asking Hisoka for favors. Certainly at a point where I don't know how the coming months with Killua will go. 'Chrollo will talk with them first before you. There will be constant visual surveillance, and you can cut it short. I recommend sitting out the hour you have with them.' _

_'Why?' You need to ask this? My eyes reflected this question, but I answered when he remained silent. _

_'If there's tension, then it's better for it to burst then instead of the coming week where you will assault one of us again.' He laughed a little when I said this, _

_'There won't be any bursting.' He muttered more to himself, but I picked it up nonetheless,_

_'There's too much consequences if you do?' He blinked back at me that I'd caught his words. _

_'None of your concern.' _

_'Alright.' I will prepare for the questions that are sure to come._

* * *

Oh how I loved getting away from that institution. I still can't believe I'm fucking away from there. I stepped outside those gates - led by Illumi and followed by Gon – and for a while I could forget everything that went on in there. If I could see Gon every week like this, even if it would be just these two hours, I would make it before they break me. I'm sure of it.

'I'm sorry.'

'Don't look so fucking sad about it! It's winter, chances were slim either way.' I gave him a nudge against his shoulder when we passed on the swings. Of course we hadn't found a playground with a trampoline at this time of year, I hadn't counted on it. That he'd tried was enough for me.

'Next time I'll bring it with me!' He smiled back at me. Now and again I saw past him, and Illumi sitting on a bench a couple of meters away. His attention was completely on us, but he didn't seem to be listening actively. The hell I know though, he's fucking unreadable. For others this scene must look like a single dad taking his sons out. Boy, were they fucking wrong.

'You're not gonna fit that thing in the bus, you moron! If you try though, I want pictures.' I stuck out my tongue at him, and laughed when I saw a renewed determination on his face. 'You're actually gonna do it, aren't you?'

'Why wouldn't I? I can do it, and it makes you happy.' Those words struck through my heart with a force. I love it when he says that without even realizing what it does to me, but it also stings. I still have a lot of guilt surrounding this entire situation. _I never meant to put him in this position. _'Why're you stopping?' Unconsciously I'd slowed down during those thoughts. It were these feelings that had kept me in the session this morning, and the man observing us knew this all too well.

I looked up at him for a second, before repositioning myself on the swing. I sat down on it sideways, facing Gon, and swung with him a little, holding on to the chain.

'Mah, tell me how school is going.' I smiled a little awkwardly at him, he started pouting a mere second later.

'Let's talk about something else.'

'Oh come on Gon! I promised to be out of here in time for next school year, you better keep to your side of the promise as well.' I changed the direction of my swing when he stopped as well, and poked him every time I came near. I saw how that started annoying him, and felt evil continuing this. 'Come on, come on, what's the news, what's going on, tell me about all the juicy new gossips.' I set my feet down and stopped when Gon mimicked my position and suddenly started looking enthusiastic.

'Ah! You're missing out on something great! Ms. Bisque will actually be away for the rest of the school year starting next week. But she promised to be back when you'd be. She actually said it like that.' I lifted my leg to give him a weak kick when he brought this news, he snickered in amusement,

'Well fuck her too! What's her fucking excuse?'

'Complications or something, early maternal leave.' I stopped and blinked at him a couple of times before I yelled out,

'_She's pregnant?!' _Even Illumi blinked at the volume, Gon cringed and rubbed his ears in reaction.

'Ah~ how can you not know? It's all she talks about in class!'

'Like I ever listen…' I toned it down again and admitted this ashamedly.

'Mah~, can you teach me how to learn without listening then?' I snorted at that awkward face he was making. He's so honest about his flaws,

'I'm sorry, that's an inborn talent.' I stuck out my tongue before he pushed himself towards me to hit me, but I evaded sideward. I let the swing find its own balance again when Gon ceased his attack. 'But if you need tutoring, I can help if you bring some stuff along.'

'No way, I'm not doing that to your free time.' He adamantly shook his head and I snorted again,

'Idiot, doesn't matter how, spending time together is always free time for me.' I surprised all three of us when I said it out loud. These are things I always think, not actually say…

'Then I'll bring some next time, I have a short Monday either way.' I can't, I'm going to burst if you keep saying these things, Gon.

'Just to clarify, these two hours are permitted every week, but the extent of this first visit isn't.' We both looked back at Illumi when he spoke up. 'You get a maximum of nine hours today, next week will be five.'

'Still plenty of time.' Gon looked back happily at me. 'With your genius tutoring I'll finish school even before the year ends.'

'Oh hell yeah, if you fail then it will be because of your own brain.' He swung towards me again and hit me on the shoulder. I laughed it off, but I knew of the other reasons Gon might fail and guilt crept up to me again, slowly.

I lowered my hands on the chain until I reached the seat and gripped it tightly there. I started pushing myself back and forth a bit nervously when I felt I had to ask. I wanted to pretend it never happened, but it did. I need to bring it up sometime if I want to keep him as a friend, don't I? I wanted to look him right in the eyes, but couldn't entirely when I whispered,

'Gon…'

'Yeah?' He noticed the change in mood and toned it down a bit as well. I can't believe I'm finally asking this,

'How's your dad doing?' I closed my eyes for a second when I noticed all movement and sound stopping in front of me. I knew his dad wasn't dead, else I wouldn't be here anymore, but still…

'They say he's not in a deep coma. They're actually pretty positive about him waking up in the next couple of weeks. No lasting damage as far as they can see when he does.' I looked down at my hands and strained myself to breathe normally. 'This is the first time you asked about him since then.'

'Yeah, well, I _am_ kind of responsible.'

'You know I don't hold you responsible, you…' He stopped when I looked up for a second, reminding him of the third person in this scene. 'Thank you for asking, I'm happy you did.' I looked up at him more permanently. 'You're always walking around like you have to do everything yourself, I'm glad you let it out a bit.' How… how are you so fucking altruistic?!

'I'm asking 'cos I'm worried about _you_, you idiot! How's care for Kito going now?' I started blushing during my answer, and when Gon saw, he threw that stupid grin back at me.

'It's nothing out of the ordinary, you know dad wasn't home that much anyway.' But still… 'It's harder on mom now that we have only one income left though, but we get by.'

'Do you… need some extra money?' I asked very carefully. I'm allowed to keep part of the money I earn, I could share it, but…

'It's okay.' He doesn't accept where it comes from. He started swinging to the side again a little, 'If it ever becomes crucial, I'll ask you, but it's okay no—wowOO….!' I stood up and shot out my hand when Gon toppled over and fell down in the snow covered sand.

'Are you fucking okay?!' Illumi almost stood up as well.

'Hahaha! I'm alright, everything's alright!' He turned around on his back and raised his hand in the air while laughing it off. Why had Illumi reacted though? He wasn't responsible for Gon's health, he was responsible for getting _me_ back in one piece.

'You idiot, how are you a martial artist.' I sat down again on the swing and laughed at the ridiculous sight before me.

'Hey! I'm good at martial arts, I suck at daily life, don't judge me!' Are you kidding me? You're way better than me at daily life,

'Stop laughing, that's not something to be proud oo-wowO..!' I was too late at grabbing the chain again when Gon grabbed one of my legs and pulled me off the swing in an instant, landing me next to him. I rolled over on my back as well, and I instantly started trying to keep Gon off me, but the laughing fit stopped me from succeeding.

'See? I'm better than you.' He stuck his tongue out at me when he'd put himself over me and pinned my shoulders down in the snow.

'Oh? I didn't know this was a contest?' I wanted to lift one of my shoulders, but was surprised when I wasn't able to. 'When did you become this fucking strong?'

'Always were.' I squinted at him when he suggested he'd been going easy on me and stuck out his tongue again. 'You just don't want to ki—' No matter the shoulder, I lifted my hand in a split second to cover his mouth. I know I'm different and stronger when I'm in for the kill, but Illumi doesn't need to know that!

With my eyes wide open in shock and gritted teeth, I begged him to rethink what he was about to say. I darted my eyes towards the third man and saw that he was as unshaken as he ever was. I removed my hand when Gon seemed to get the situation.

'….ah, euh, kiss me.' I dropped my hand dead flat and inclined my head, giving him an incredulous look when he did a poor job at recovering. He smiled back awkwardly, letting go of my shoulders. I gave him a hit against his head for saying that.

'That guy almost gave us a private room for doing just that, don't make him think we actually want that room.' I whispered at him, and he started to laugh more loudly than he'd done before and threw his head back. His laugh was contagious, and it drove the serious situation out of me in an instant.

'Really?' He had to ask when he rolled off me.

'I'm fucking serious man!'

'Man, you have a weird shrink.'

'You're telling me!' I sat up again and wiped away a tear from laughing.

'But hey,' I turned my head back towards him, '…it's doing you good to be away from your normal life a while.' That this was true was actually quite sad, wasn't it? 'Hey!' He sat back up as well and lay his arms around me for a moment, catching me by surprise. He whispered in my ear, 'It's gonna be okay.' At this point it didn't really reach me, but I lay my arms loosely around him as well for that second. _Stop worrying about me, as soon as I get out of this place I'm back to my old life either way. _'Don't cry.' He asked before letting go of me. I wiped a sleeve by my eyes in case that had started happening. 'Have this snow instead!' Because of that action I hadn't noticed Gon grabbing some snow, and as soon as I'd dropped my arm I got a snowball pushed in my face.

'Fucking hell..!' I got pushed back a little before I decided to retaliate. 'You're not getting away with that!' I missed him though, and marginally Illumi as well. He seemed unfazed by it all, and the blankness of his face after evading tickled my funny bone. Gon took this chance to hit me again, and I took some distance to make it a proper snow fight. Too bad it's only two hours, but I'm getting all I fucking can out of it!

* * *

_A/N_

_There, a little fun break after a week of torture  
*throws comforting blanket over Killua*  
"There, there. It'll all be alright." _


	9. Chapter 9

'You promised him that?'

'Yes.'

'You're an interesting man.'

'That's the reason you're talking with me right now, isn't it?' It's been a long day, and in between me and Chrollo, we didn't have time to talk it over until the evening; it is 9pm by now.

He took a break in answering me while we walked outside. The snowing had stopped for a while, and the wind had as well, so the fresh air was welcomed.

'I take it you're not going home tonight?' I shook my head while still looking for a bit of shelter against the building so Chrollo could light his cigarette. He doesn't seem to be addicted, it's more of an after-work habit.

'It's more efficient if I work through this here. I have to prepare some things for my other case as well.'

'I'm staying tonight too, I probably won't sleep today anyway.'

'You look like you haven't slept yesterday either.' I glanced shortly at him to verify what I thought earlier. He took the cigarette out of his mouth and laughed at that statement,

'Thank you, luckily it doesn't impede my judgment.'

'How did the meeting with Killua's parents go?'

'Zeno took that over from me, you'll have to talk with him about that.' I inclined my head upon hearing that.

'What was the reason for that?'

'Emergency call from one of my former patients.' He blew out some smoke into the night before turning his head to face me, 'How did Gon's visit go?' I waited a second to answer, something felt off about his explanation. But he gave me nothing more than a patient, relaxed look,

'Killua professed gratitude towards Gon, which apparently was the first time he did so verbally.'

'That's good progress you're making then.'

'What was the emergency?' He started smiling when he answered with another question.

'I'm taking the backseat with every session this week, I feel like you're missing something with him.'

'I have no objections, however he's more unapproachable when you're alone with him, so I sign against that.' His smile didn't change, and I finally pocketed my hands. There's no wind, but it's cold nonetheless.

'No problem, I've noticed that that's not the most efficient way either.' He looked away when he put the cigarette back to his lips.

'Will you be there when he's allowed to ask me questions as well?' He slowly shook his head. 'Good, it would reduce the effectiveness of Killua's questions with both of us in the room.' After that, Chrollo dropped his arm and let the cigarette fall to the ground, setting his foot on it to make sure it was out.

'Do you like me?' _Excuse me?_ He turned his entire body towards me, and I reciprocated the attention. My silence ushering him to continue. 'Apparently it takes a certain kind of person to be able to work with me, and when they actually work well with me, they mostly tend to be people that are interested in me. So do you like me?'

'I don't quickly have a fondness of people. I can work with you, that's good enough.' A small silence before he replied,

'You really are an odd one.'

'I hear that more often.'

'You understand why, don't you?'

'Don't insult me.' He lifted one of his hands and seemed inclined to touch my face, but stopped a couple inches away, I half kept my eyes on it,

'You are a functioning element in this society without having the need for contact. How many times will you encounter someone like that?'

'Can you decide if you're going to touch me or not?' His hand was still hovering in between us before my words made him retreat it. 'I'm not an exhibit, and you will not treat me as one.' I've conditioned myself to function without contact, because of the implications when I do have it around people like him. Fighting seems to be the only exception to this.

'I'm sorry to have offended you, do I have permission?'

'What reason do you have that would allow you at this point?' He looked at me with great interest for a good while. In the meantime I was on the verge of driving him off forcefully. This interest of his was getting in the way.

Ultimately he just closed his eyes and lifted his head a little, softly laughing.

'My apologies again, I seem to have misanalysed.' He looked up at the sky for a moment before returning his attention to me. 'What would be the consequences I'd have to deal with?' I cocked my head at him and narrowed my eyes a little when he asked this. I was getting seriously offended that he expected answers to this. 'Am I an exception that I'm receiving hate this quickly with you?' His eyes told me he was enjoying our talk.

'Do you want to feel special?' I raised my head a little when asking this. He shifted weight on his legs. 'Your questions are indicating that you either want that, or want to be close to something that is. But in the end those two are the same, aren't they?' If he'd be accepted by "something special" then he'd be special as well. His lips opened slightly, but closed just as quickly again. He knew there were retorts to this, but none of them would convince me to step down from my statement. 'If it's touch you want, we can still spar tonight, or else I'd recommend Hisoka.' _Wait… _His lips upturned again,

'I will take you up on your offer if I find the time tonight.' Chrollo was off-limits, right? Was he aware of this himself that he was making advances like this? Why was this even? 'I'm suddenly interesting to you?'

'Why are you off-limits?' The amusement on his face instantly disappeared.

'Someone said this?' I nodded once,

'Hisoka. He likes to be touched, I suggested him to approach you but he said that in response. Why are you off-limits?'

'You're asking me this directly?'

'I was speaking loud enough, wasn't I?'

'That is one question I will not answer.'

'Will it hinder our work?'

'No.'

'Hisoka suggested it would.'

'I can guarantee it won't.' He lowered his head and turned away at that point, sighing deeply. He didn't seem inclined to blackmail me for my curiosity, so it's a heavy subject for him. I can't say that it didn't interest me, but if that's the case, then I'm not risking anything. I closed my eyes and mimicked his sigh,

'I'll write the report for today, I'll see you when you feel like sparring. I don't care about the reason why Hisoka said it if it doesn't impede our work.' I turned my head towards him a last time, but there was no response.

I started walking back to the main entrance, but was halted at the last couple of feet by the sound of movement behind me. With the intensity he was now exuding his interest, I was certain he'd grab me… But it didn't happen.

He never took a step, he just repositioned himself against the wall. I looked back at him for a second. The look on his face didn't nearly match what he was exuding, but it gave me the clear message that he was apparently not off-limits when it came to me.

This was far from the ideal situation to me, with two of my co-workers like this.

'Illumi, a second of your time.' I heard my name getting called the moment I stepped back inside and turned to see Zeno walking towards me. I stopped the instant I spotted him,

'Zeno, do you already have the report on Killua's parents?' I saw he held some papers under his arm, but he shook his head and stopped right in front of me. I opened my coat to the warmth inside.

'I don't have the time to write it out, I will give you a debriefing on that in a minute.'

'Should I get Dr. Lucilfer then as well?' I lifted my hand and pointed a thumb over my shoulder towards the door. I was surprised when he shook his head slowly,

'I need you alone first. We'll get Dr. Lucilfer after we're done.' I dropped my hand and raised my eyebrow when he said this. What had happened that had to do with me personally?

'Alright, your office then?' He nodded again and started leading the way.

* * *

_I don't need fucking stitches, I'm fine, I've had worse and survived without you idiots. _

'Hold still.' I wanted to frown and glare at the man in front of me, but that was the point of it all, Illumi was stitching just above my eyebrow. If it _has_ to be done, then I'm not gonna move while someone has a needle in my face. I can do that much. But fucking hell had they pushed this treatment on me. This wound hadn't even been my parents fault, it'd been my own stupid mistake, and I was more than embarrassed because of it.

'Are you almost done?' I moved my lips again when Illumi stopped for a second to look at it. I had to admit, he really did seem to have the skills for this. _Question for Sunday added to the list_.

'Two more minutes.' I'd been able to conceal my wound for a good while, but it seemed that group therapy guy had seen me clean it up in the bathroom by the gym. In hindsight, hitting the gym hadn't been a good idea with a fresh wound, but fucking hell I'd needed it. I think I'm gonna ask for more time in the basketball court. There's a camera here and there, but I've learned to work around that.

Meanwhile, the apparent head of this institution was sitting quietly in the back of this office. I thought they finally figured out what I really am that I was sitting here, but even if they did, they weren't showing it. Was there really any consequence if I never directly admitted what I did? That would give me a whole lot more freedom, but I can't act like it's that way. That's way too dangerous, considering what's at stake.

'Alright.' He rolled back on his desk chair a bit to look at it, and I carefully moved it, getting the clip out of my hair that'd been there to keep it away from the wound. I need to wash the blood out of my hair, apparently. I was fixated on the stitches for a while before I noticed the silence in the room, and saw Illumi had been staring back at me all the while. Embarrassingly so, I'd refused to go to the resident doctor and may have yelled that Illumi could also just take care of it. I really, really didn't like the resident doctor here. 'You don't look like you're used to sutures.' Was he referring back to my leg? 'Do you need an explanation on how to dress them?' He inclined his head a little, but I just closed my eyes and shook my head.

'I know how to deal with this.' Although it was long ago, I have had stitches. He calmly put everything back in the kit and handed it back to his boss.

'I will get Dr. Lucilfer, then.' Said man stood up from his desk, and headed out the door, followed by the eyes of both of us. He left it open slightly. In response to my skin feeling weird just above my brow, I lifted my hand to touch it, but stopped a couple inches short.

'Those can be removed in a couple of days, it barely needed this treatment.' Yeah, well, Nobunaga had been insistent enough on me getting treatment either way. And I can't beat up another employee here, now can I. 'You know this, you've had worse.' He sat back down in the desk chair in front of me, but I refrained from looking up at him. 'I take it from our sparring session that your leg has healed quite well?'

'It's fine.'

'Has it bled again?' I shook my head. Not true, but it was closed now either way.

'Zeno didn't -'

'I'm not answering questions outside of session.'

'Did your-' I looked back at him with a glare, I thought that he at least could take a hint. I looked away again when his lips stopped moving. _No my parents didn't fucking do this, they've been able to keep their life a secret with better skills than that, thank you. _I folded my hands together and looked around the room a bit. Seemed like most offices looked the same here. It felt different, but that's more probably because the man in front of me isn't the owner of this place. When seeing picture frames on the desk to my right, I realized I hadn't seen those in Illumi's office. That's not unusual, not everyone wants their private life looking back at them while at work. Did Illumi even have a private life? He was here almost 24/7, wasn't he? He _must_ have a house, else I would've been asked to plant surveillance in his office by my parents. With the frequency that he's here though, it was probably still the better option.

'All our offices are the same concerning size and furniture.'

'There's always something personal.'

'You're interested in Zeno.' I shifted my eyes back up to him and leaned back.

'I tell you you can't ask questions so you make statements that'll make me respond?' I huffed at this technique, and started glancing over the other side of the room. There was an uncomfortable silence that followed my words, and it started making me more tense. Instead of casually glancing around, I started forcefully ignoring his attention on me. Apparently it took a while for Zeno to find my other shrink.

'Is there a reason you threw a tantrum that cau-'

'I'm. Not. Talking.' I hissed through my teeth. Why was I even still here? Couldn't they discuss this shit without me here? Isn't that normal?

'Are there any other wounds you-'

'What is your fucking problem tonight?!' I shot my head back and yelled at him. All he did was stare back at me with that blank stare of his.

No, wait…

It wasn't blank, there was something there… what was it? Goddamnit mom, I'm a genius, but not so much that I can learn to read faces over night!

He inclined his head when my stare lasted longer than intended, and I sighed, looking down. _Congratulations on being a fucking enigma. _

'Ah, my apologies, but you're very interesting to me today.' Glancing up, I confirmed he had that fake smile on again. 'You seem to have found motivation to stay here.' Well, it's not like I'd done a hell of a lot trouble hiding it, had I? Although it was still going to take a couple of weeks to get me out of here, might as well get some tips on being an actual friend to Gon. I need to keep emotions to a minimum though, they will take advantage of that.

'That makes me interesting?'

'Of course. You have two different lives that you're looking forward to. Only it seems that they're mutually exclusive.' I glanced away again, 'Your parents have high expectations of you, don't they? I reckon having friends gets in the way of that and you're so awkward around Gon because you don't know how friendship works or feels. So I don't believe the life your parents want you to have is compatible with the life you're discovering with Gon. It's interesting that even though you're inclined towards him, you still want both your lives, you take pride in the genius-like title your parents have given you.'

'Who said my parents don't allow me any contact? I can have friends when I want to.'

'Ah, but it seems you can't.' I felt my eye twitch when he raised a finger saying that. How the hell had he figured this out? 'Gon will not leave you though.' He put the finger against the side of his face,

'Thanks for the vote of confidence, but I already know that.' I lifted my hands and raked them through my hair, making it jump every which way.

'Knowing is different from realizing.' I threw my head back and laughed loudly at that statement. Those are fucking basics of psychology, and he's coming at me with that? 'You _want_ to have connections outside of your family, but you've gone against Gon before for something apparently more important and up until now the only other important thing in your life seems to be your family. So either someone threatened your family, or your family asked you to disable or kill Gon's father because that's the only way to destroy your friendship, and you could refocus on the expectations and life they're giving you. That would be rather extreme, but I heard from Chrollo about his theories considering your scars so it wouldn't be unthinkable. Am I wrong?'_ You expect me to fucking answer that?! _

'If I answer will you stop staring at me so creepily?' I lifted my head again to say those words, I was shaking on the inside, and I know it was heard in my voice a bit. _What hellhole of interrogation have they spawned you guys, you're way too fucking perceptive. _

'I'm creeping you out? Ah~ that's not good.' He cocked his head and looked back at me for a second before standing up and removing himself from the room. I followed him all the way out of here with disbelief. I blinked at the half open door through which he'd disappeared. What the hell had just happened?

I wanted to quirk an eyebrow, but when I felt the stitches there again I stopped from doing it too much. It didn't feel like they were going to break, but I don't remember anymore how much strain I can put on them. I glided a finger across them. _So this is how a professionally treated wound feels like. _

I stood up and looked around for a reflective surface for a second to see how it looked, and decided to open a curtain and use the window.

'Looking for us?' I turned around when all three of them entered the room again. One minute later and Illumi was okay again?

'Just looking around.' I let go of the curtain and moved back to the couch, all the while watching the man with long hair move his way across the room and take a seat further away. He sure as hell wasn't back to normal yet. What the hell was going on with him? 'Why am I here? I just accidentally hit my head.' Pointing lazily at the hidden injury above my eyebrow.

'There are cameras in the room you met with them, Killua.' Zeno sat down behind his desk again, and Chrollo took the place in front of me. I was aware of the visuals that'd been recorded, but we'd been promised there were no audio recordings, and we made sure our lip movements were unseeable at all times.

'So? You can see the proof to what I just said on there.'

'What was there to see on them?' Chrollo addressed Zeno, but was ignored and instead my shrink turned back to me. 'Care to tell me yourself, then?'

'It was nothing. I had a little falling out with them, and I fell against the table when I got mad. It's nothing exceptional.' I threw my arms wide and let myself lean back casually.

'Why did you get mad?'

'Nothing exceptional, I disagree with them more often.'

'You're leaving out a crucial part, Killua.' We all looked back at Zeno when he said this. What was he trying to do? He was belittling his own employees, this wasn't meant for now, I shouldn't be here.

'I'm not leaving out anything important, I can get angry at them for a lot of reasons.'

'Isn't it better if we handle this in session Wednesday? He's being cornered right now and we have no clue as to what happened, which makes it impractical to discuss it at this moment.' I looked up at Illumi's retreated form in the corner by the window. _You have another reason than that to get out of here, and I want to fucking know what it is. _

'Did you come here for those sutures on your own accord?' Chrollo just now noticed there was an actual injury, and leaned forward to brush my hair to the side to take a better look. I inched back a bit when he did.

'He was forced by Nobunaga and he refused seeing Dr. Machi.'

'Machi is back on duty?' Chrollo turned around to Illumi when he gave this information. Who was Machi? I didn't know that guy. Was probably the same as the one that examined me though. Illumi nodded slowly, 'Then you took care of this?' Illumi nodded again, and it took Chrollo a couple of moments before he turned back to me. 'I'm not participating in these questions at you now, I agree with Illumi, we need a briefing first.'

'No shit.' I huffed at them and was ready to stand up and walk away. I hesitated for a moment, expecting Zeno to stop me, but he didn't. I looked back at him a last time when I stood up,

'It's okay, I got what I needed.' I squinted a little at him, not able to figure out what that was, but I shrugged it off and raised my hand in goodbye when I walked out the door and closed it behind me. _Jesus Christ what a day._ I casually knocked against the wall next to me now and again while walking back to my fixed room. I still had way too much energy to be able to sleep, perhaps I should take a detour back to the gym… better wash this blood out of my hair first by the way. I don't want any more unwanted attention.

I stopped for a second and smashed my fist a little too hard into the wall when remembering this evening. I still can't fucking believe it… Where in the ever-loving hell of their minds had it seemed like a good idea to put me back on the hit of Gon's dad once I get out of here again?!

* * *

'He doesn't have any other injuries?' Ultimately when Killua had left the room, Zeno had gotten the footage from when the accident happened. It really did seem like an accident, but a very unfortunate one. He should have more than just a couple of stitches above his eye.

Zeno shook his head to my question.

'Then he has very thick skin, I don't see the problem.' It also meant that whatever caused the lacerations on his leg had been made with either quite a force or a very sharp object. I looked down at Zeno, standing behind him and his computer with Chrollo.

'The problem is how he doesn't catch himself. He's a trained martial artist, you informed me of this.' Both me and Chrollo nodded, and I leaned over Zeno to take the mouse from him and skim back to the fall again. Playing it in slow-motion a couple of times, I had to agree that someone with his capabilities should've been able to land better than this.

'This is very peculiar indeed. It looks like either the presence of his parents makes him so enraged that even his muscles forget how to react, that he staged it, or that he'd been drugged. But neither of those makes sense.' I had to agree with Chrollo on this. If his parents made him so clumsy, then he'd never be referred to as a genius. Plus he seems to like whatever life he's living with his family to some extent so he wouldn't get _that_ angry. Exactly why the second option doesn't add up either, unless it was something conflicting with his friendship with Gon again. But then it should be something that would destroy the friendship, because your muscles don't forget that which has been drilled into them so easily. That he was drugged by someone would be most plausible, but for whatever reason would someone do this? No-one in this institution has something against him for as far as I know, but it warrants investigation.

'Perhaps his parents drugged him so he wouldn't display his martial arts ability. If his true capabilities are something to be kept secret – which footage of his training alone compared to our actual fight suggests - there's a chance he's refrained from telling them about the fight and this was a preventive measure from their side. Killua said they get in verbal fights like this more often, if that's the case it wouldn't be abnormal for Killua to stumble or fall and would give away his fighting ability.' They both looked around at me, but I kept focused on the screen. I rewound the footage some more.

'Even though his parents are most likely aware of the nature of this institution? It would be strange for them doing something like this. It's quite the assumption you're making.'

'It's not the only possibility. We need to review this footage some more.'

'I have a copy for you two.' I stepped back from the screen when Zeno inched to stand up. There was something else very odd about these images.

'Thank you, we'll take a look at this.' Chrollo picked it up from the desk as soon as Zeno had laid it down there.

'Is there anything that came from your conversation with these people that we should know?'

'They are what they tell you they are.' He sat back down behind his computer and breathed out those words. Meaning they're great actors if they have anything to hide. Killua's not a genius when it comes to acting though.

'We'll review this right away, and one of us will come by to discuss our different deductions.' I looked up at Chrollo, knowing it was going to be me.

'I'll see you tomorrow at three then.' Zeno nodded towards me, also realizing this. Chrollo gestured for us to leave for now. It wasn't until the door closed behind us that he spoke up again.

'Everything points towards Killua being a killer.'

'It does.' There was still the possibility that someone manipulated him into going after Gon's father. Then it would mean that this someone knew Killua would fail because of his attachment to Gon, and his or her main goal is outing the secret behind the Zoldyck family. This is less probable though because Killua would do anything to find a way around it; and either way the Zoldycks would have a dangerous secret.

'It's all circumstantial and he will never actually say it.'

'No he won't. Why are you pointing out the obvious?' I cocked my head at his statements, and a smile appeared on his lips.

'Just to be clear that we're not working on unearthing that anymore.'

'Of course not. His conflicting relationships with Gon and his family are more interesting.'

'A bit too interesting for you it seemed, what were you doing walking away from this office earlier? For your doing you seemed distressed.' He leaned back against the wall next to the door. We didn't have time for this,

'We have enough work already, let's go to my office.'

'You're suggesting you need work?'

'No I don't, but you're making it out to be. Are we going, or are you going to want to touch me again to see what kind of consequences it has?' He laughed shortly before pushing himself away from the wall and started following me to my office. I hadn't expected him to be any different than he was a mere hour ago, but for the sake of working together, he needed to be subdued.

'I will wonder about the consequences in my own time then.' I closed my eyes for a second at what he said. After another week of working together he'd be more occupied with me than with Killua, I have to make a recommendation to have him focus on another case. 

* * *

_A/N_

_So now it's like, everybody wants some kind of piece from Illumi xD  
The beautiful thing is, is that all of their obsessions with him have different motivations - which will be clearer later on in the story_

_Aahh~ I love it when it comes together. _


	10. Chapter 10

It was bothering me.

Admitting that on its own was bothering me as well.

I rewound the footage for the umpteenth time to try and discern the anomaly, but I was coming up short, and it was unnerving. My instinct never failed me and I refuse to acknowledge that it was doing so this time. I had narrowed down the possibilities to that these Zoldycks were too used to camouflaging what they did and I just needed time to see it, or that I was fatigued.

I do not accept either.

I have been trained – consciously and not – to see things like this, I will know what it is.

'Oh? Still looking at the footage?' I heard the clicking of his heels while he leisurely leaned himself back in the doorframe. I stopped the film after a couple of seconds when I noticed my focus wouldn't increase with Hisoka in the vicinity. 'Is it messing with you this much? Why not let Chrollo take a look at it.'

'Chrollo is working on finding out about the possibility of one of our staff having drugged Killua – although unlikely. I will find the anomaly, it's a matter of time.' When I looked up at him, he gave me a knowing grin and slitted his eyes a little, but that wasn't what caught my attention and I inclined my head a little. 'Is there a reason you're wrapped in Christmas lights?' Not only that, he had some sort of crown on his head, there seemed to be glitters on his clothes, and little bells around his neck.

'Surprise attack.' It was hardly a complete surprise if they had the chance to do all of this. He'd probably fallen asleep in his office earlier.

'Machi is talking to you again.' I guessed, looking back from his decorations to his eyes again. But it wasn't really a guess. Although she was composed most of the time, she won't hold back if she believes you've done something to her. Hisoka can't stay away from a temptation like that. He takes pride in pushing the buttons of others. However, no matter the retaliations against him, they have yet to find his button. I believe he is grateful that I am the only one holding that knowledge, and that I don't care.

'Talking isn't exactly how I'd call it.' He shrugged it off, and adjusted the crown on his head. 'These Zoldycks must be quite the masters of deceit if they've got you working on a single theory for more than two days.' I turned my eyes back to the screen, and heard him stepping away from the door, closing it behind him.

'My focus worsens with other persons in the room, you would be more appreciated at the other side of the door.' The light jingling sound didn't change directions though.

'You've been looking at that screen in all the free time you have. I know you're aware that it's more productive if you take a break now and again.' When he reached my desk, he decided to hop on it, and crossed his legs, leaning one glittery arm in between me and the screen. 'So why aren't you?'

'If you want to keep that arm, I suggest you remove it from my view.' I closed my eyes and noted this exasperatedly. Knowing that I was capable of such a feat, Hisoka moved his arm back a little.

'Is this one of the rare times your pride is getting in the way?' I lifted my hand to click the video back to the beginning,

'I don't have pride, I need to know what's going on here before Sunday.'

'Ah~, before the big questioning of our dear Il-lu-mi himself.' He pushed himself off my desk and stepped behind me, leaning his head next to mine. 'Are you afraid you will lose to Killua because he was brought up by the people that are keeping a secret from you in this video?'

'… …' I wanted to threaten him again, but he stepped away before I had the chance to. A soft chuckle escaped his throat, and he kept his position behind me.

'How _are_ things going with Killua?'

'You can go see Nobunaga if you want small-talk.' He laughed a bit louder at that, and I paused the video again.

'I saw him earlier today, that's why I ask.' He got my attention with that, and I could feel his amusement behind me. 'Now I have your attention?' Nobunaga went to Hisoka for Killua and not me or Chrollo? That didn't sound right.

'Oh? But he didn't come to you? That surprises me.' I turned around in my chair and looked up at Hisoka leaning against the wall. Somehow those decorations on him didn't seem all out of place, for the extravagant person he is. 'I'll tell you about it if you come with me for some… distraction.'

'Whatever distraction you have in mind is completely self-serving. You know I can just contact Nobunaga for this information.' His grin grew and his eyes narrowed some more,

'I don't think he'll appreciate it at two in the morning.'

'I do not need to know at this instant, I will contact him when I have the time.' Hisoka laughed shortly, but I didn't understand what was so funny about my statement.

'Then for the three hours you have left before Killua's next session, I am ready and able to distract you in my office. I don't need to tell you that by fixating on this video, you won't be able to focus on him. If your pride really is killing you, then I suggest doing some damage control.' His tongue flicked out for a second before he stepped away from me and strutted towards the door again. I was weighing my options.

In general Hisoka would be correct, however I am able to keep focus for long periods of time and my judgment should not be impeded by a mere two days lack of sleep.

On the other hand, it has been a long time since I've been in a situation that required this much concentration, and it was clouding my view. No matter how much I wanted to train that out of my system at this very moment, I needed my full attention during these sessions with Killua.

I closed my eyes for a second when I decided my course of action. I will leave this video for what it is at the moment. I'll talk it over with Chrollo after the session.

'Well, sparring for an hour should do the trick.' I spoke up and turned off the computer. There would be no problem with some distraction if it was on my terms. The ringing of bells hanging around Hisoka's neck stopped when he turned around on his heel in the door opening.

'Ah~ that's music to my ears.' I stood up from my chair and got the bag with my training clothes out of one of the cabinets, leading the way to the court.

* * *

_Dad had called me again on Wednesday. From now on, five minutes on the phone per day were permitted. However, that included received calls as well, and yesterday dad had taken up three days' worth of that. That meant less time contacting someone I actually wanted contact with at this point. _

_I leant my elbows down on my knees and raked my hands through my hair, dropping one back down to count off the days. Monday hadn't counted, Tuesday I'd reached Gon before my parents could reach me, and the Wednesday counted as Thursday and Friday as well. So the soonest I can reach Gon again will be two days from now. _

_I want to warn him of what I've been ordered to do again, but honestly I don't know how to deal with this. If I was able to hint it to him correctly and he would take countermeasures, my parents would know what I'd done and take matters into their own hands – giving him even less of a chance. I could warn him not to do anything but be wary of it until I knew how to deal with it, but that would be unfair. I'd only be worrying him. I need to figure out for myself first what I need to do to get out of this. God fucking damn it, I don't want to choose a side. _

_'Killua? You in there?' I snapped back and raised both my hands behind my head, leaning back in my chair and giving Nobunaga a look that spelled I really didn't care. Group session was Thursday this week, apparently. 'You're quiet today.'_

_'I'm always quiet, it's because I don't care about this group thing.' The man sighed loudly when I said this and his eyebrows drew together, ready to scold me again for my "lack of participation", when the man next to me drew my attention with his quiet voice,_

_'The idiot means you're differently quiet.' _

_'Oy!' The so-called leader of this group stomped his foot at that statement. I paid it no heed, 'cos Feitan was the only one more reclusive than I was, and him speaking up was actually quite rare. I turned my head and leaned it back against my hands some more, giving him some of my attention. _

_The only thing he did was look back at me as well for a while. This guy was also a martial artist, right? Illumi had mentioned him but I'd pushed it back after our fight. It's not like he stands out or anything. "Do you want to take my place in the Zoldyck family?" Is what Gon would immediately ask of him, and I huffed when I thought that it would probably be perfect, were it not that for the most part I like what I am able to do. I can't deny that the idea of this guy receiving my training made me slightly jealous. I lowered my eyebrows a little at that thought, before I asked,_

_'You're a good fighter, right? Want to train with me in the court?' His eyes were unchanging when he answered immediately. _

_'Hisoka needs to stop talking.' _

_'That a yes or a no?' Everyone around us had gone quiet. I let my eyes glide over them a second, and saw that this rarity was apparently way more important than the actual session. _

_'Sure.' I looked back when he answered, but he'd already turned his head away. If people thought I was quiet, than they apparently didn't know this guy. _

_'Oy, that's not really up to you guys.' Nobunaga spoke up again, and his words started irritating me,_

_'Why not? The court is an extension of the gym, isn't it? Why can't we spar?' I directed at him, but it was Feitan who spoke up again, _

_'I'm not allowed to fight, they're afraid I will kill you.' I scrunched my nose at him when he said that. They were sorely underestimating me, weren't they? Those little…_

_'And not ungrounded, I might add.' _

_'He was hardly on the verge of dying.' _

_'Going after your psychologist's life isn't exactly a small misdemeanor, Feitan, no matter how he walks away from the fight. I will discuss this with Illumi and Hisoka first, you two stay out of each other's hair in the meantime.' So he'd done that too? Interesting. _

_'Yes sir.' I raised my voice and mocked him with my sarcastic tone, sticking out my tongue when he hung his head and let out a deep breath. _

_The rest of the session neither of us had spoken up anymore. That little exchange had been exactly what I'd needed. If I spar with Feitan, there will be constant surveillance, but I could probably request for the cameras being turned off if our shrinks would supervise. Those guys seem to be more aware of my skills either way. I frowned when I thought about that. They'd perfectly deducted the nature of my relationships and probably knew exactly what I did for a living. _

_But I'm still here._

_Is it because they only have circumstantial evidence, or did they actually mean it when they said they're not interested in sending me to prison? Up until now they've been quite frank in their actions, even told me all their findings about me. That will give me an edge on them, why did they do that? It could mean they really aren't interested in what I do, but those guys are way too fucking unpredictable to assume anything. I'll just focus on the questions I'm gonna ask Sunday. _

_'Killua,' I turned my head back to Feitan when he spoke up softly while Nobunaga was in conversation with someone else. I dropped my arms and leaned them down on my knees, perking my ears. _

_'Can you fight without wanting to kill?' _

_'No.' I lowered the volume on my voice to the extent only someone like Feitan would be able to hear. _

_'Then I suggest you fight with someone else.' _

_'Why.' _

_'I would enjoy killing you.' _

_'I hope you're not underestimating me.' _

_'You should be able to see the difference in our strength.' _

_'Don't patronize me.' _

_'I should say that to you.' He's suggesting he'd be able to kill me if I came at him with killing intent. I can see that he's strong, but the difference he's talking about…_

_'If we get permission, we will fight.' _

_'… …' He didn't respond any more after that, and Nobunaga showed no signs that he noticed our conversation. I got up and out of the room first after the hour was up, and stopped just outside, watching Feitan walking away in another direction. What kind of world did he come from that he was like this? _

_'I highly suggest you retract your request.' Nobunaga stopped behind me, but I didn't stop looking at Feitan until he was out of sight. 'Although Hisoka gets very close to the why and how Feitan is like this, changing him seems to be out of the question. What he's doing now, is keeping him away from fighting so his muscles will forget how.' _

_'Then there's no problem filing the request, is there? Hisoka will just refuse and that will be that.' I sounded a bit too smug when I said that, and Nobunaga patted me on the shoulder before passing me and walking away. _

_'Go to Illumi if you want to fight, I'm not requesting anything for you.' _

_'La~me.' I called after him. If I ever want to test myself against Feitan, it will have to be off the records then. I can do that if I want to. Gon, next time you're here, we're sparring again. _

* * *

'I suggest you get rid of some of your ornaments if we're going to do this.' I heard the redhead's laugh behind me,

'I won't change until I'm at the court, I have been threatened that if she sees me without it, my house will be next.'

'That is an expensive payback, what did you do to Machi this time?'

'Nothing out of the ordinary.'

'Nothing is ordinary with you, don't lie.' Hisoka's amusement grew once more, but he refrained from saying the obvious that I was not ordinary either. I have never claimed to be,

'If you want the truth, you should ask her.'

'You know I won't.' This wasn't worth devoting time to. I will notice if it inconveniences me.

I opened the door to the gym – it was supposed to be locked at this hour – and found my way directly to the court, dropping the bag next to me as soon as I entered there.

'Hisoka.'

'Hm? Yes?'

'… … What?' I looked at the unusual scene before me, and it was the only question that came to mind.

'Isn't it obvious?'

'That is exactly why.'

'Do you want me to tell you why Nobunaga came by earlier?'

'Don't tell me he has anything to do with these decorations as well. What have you done to him?' When I turned around to him, he was already starting to unwrap himself, it seemed Machi had done a good job tying him in.

It was when I turned his way though, that I noticed Killua standing against the wall behind him. I cocked my head,

'Why are you here?'

'Not to spar with Feitan.' He scoffed and turned his head away, pocketing his hands.

'You promised him this?' I turned back to Hisoka, but he was consciously ignoring me, only giving attention to untangling himself. Killua raised his volume some more,

'He promised me some physical activity. Oh well, shouldn't have expected you guys to listen.' A pout appeared on his face. He knows we listen, he starting to understand his position in all of this and that he has several privileges he shouldn't take for granted. He's becoming careful not to do something that will revoke those.

I looked back at Hisoka, and decided to pull out the last knot Machi had put in there so he would answer.

'What were you planning on doing with him, Hisoka?' He took the crown off his head and smiled at me,

'Not what you're thinking of, dear Illumi.' I saw Killua's eyes shift towards us when he heard that answer. 'Nobunaga suggested one of two things to me when he approached me.' He lifted his hand and raised one finger, 'Either I allow Feitan to fight just this once, which is never going to happen.' He waved his finger a little, and I saw Killua's scowl when he stated this again. 'Or….' He raised a second finger, 'I would spar with him myself. Because apparently someone wants to let go of some stress.'

'Then why am I here.' Killua turned his head away at that point.

'Oh~, but I was dearly rejected as a sparring partner.' He paused for a second before finishing his sentence, his lips raising into a grin, '…How's your arm doing.' I turned my eyes back to the boy and inclined my head,

'You requested to fight me again? What do you hope to gain from that?' Was he really that desperate for physical activity that he would risk it once again? This time I wouldn't underestimate him. 'Do you hope to learn more about me while doing this?' There was an elongated silence, 'You're going about it wrong if you hope to find out anything, it's best if you just wait 'till Sunday if that's your goal.' I threw my arms wide and tilted my head back a little. His first choice had been Feitan though, so perhaps it had nothing to do with me. Even so, he probably saw this as an opportunity.

I lowered my arms and lay them on my hips, but his eyes weren't on me,

'Can we shut down the blinking "I know where you live Hisoka" sign first and turn on some normal lights? It's fucking annoying.' I tilted my head towards the man that had instigated this decoration, and he raised his hands in innocence as he turned around and put the main light on first. 'Where did you learn to fight?' The boy didn't look away from the sign when he asked,

'Why would that interest you? You have your own style as it is, incorporating mine is-'

'I want to learn it.' His eyes shifted towards mine, and I raised one hand palm up to make my point more clear.

'That's impossible, it's nowhere near the abilities you have now.' On top of that, this boy doesn't need to learn any more fighting skills. I am absolutely certain they will be used for murder, and I won't teach him until he admits this. 'Why should I teach you any more of the skills you used for the reason you're in here?'

'I'm not asking you to do that.'

'Then what are you asking of me?' He pushed himself away from the wall and stood square in front of me. Meanwhile, the blinking sign had stopped blinking. I know that what I'll teach him is not something he'll be able to use while doing what his parents taught him, but if this question could keep him at bay,

'… …' He fell silent, good.

'If you can't come up with a reason why I should, then I'm not wasting my time on this. I will do what I came here to do.' I turned my head towards where I heard Hisoka's footsteps. He just raised his hands and shook his head in rejection. I cocked an eyebrow when he did this. He never intended to do this, did he. He wanted me to suggest another place than his office for distraction. 'It seems we were both misled by Hisoka. However, I'm still in need for a distraction. I turned my eyes back towards Killua. _As long as it was battle, then there was no danger._

'I will fight you, but I will not teach you. But I am not unaware of your talent, so I won't show you anything I don't want you to see.' I inclined my body slowly towards him, and exuded the threat he's felt before. When it reached him his eyes widened for a split second, but he composed himself quickly afterwards. His eyes betrayed that he was still scared, but he was still confronting me. What kind of resolution had he gotten in these past four days? Did it come from his parents, or did it come from Gon? 'Or should I just leave now?' I pointed my thumb towards the door to my left, at which Killua nearly started to growl.

'I'm not accepting charity. You will teach me because otherwise I _will _find a way to fight Feitan.' He turned his head sharply towards Hisoka.

'Don't be so naïve, I will not be threatened into teaching you.' I intensified the feeling of fear inside of him, and his eyes opened a bit more, staying in that position. Hisoka on the other hand, was enjoying the feeling. If this would continue too long, I would have trouble containing myself again… I reckoned Hisoka was looking forward to that.

'What would convince you?'

'Why should I indulge you in this?' I cocked my head at his question. It took him a bit longer to respond with this kind of attention on him,

'Because you still need distraction.'

'Ah, that's true.' I stopped exuding the fear, and waited for him to continue,

'And…'

**###**

_I want to be able to stand up against my parents when they force me to go after Gon's dad again._

But I couldn't say it. I can't say it. At first sparring with Feitan had just seemed like a fun way to pass the time, but once I got the idea in my head that I could learn from this guy, it wouldn't leave me.

'And what?'

'… …'

'My suggestion still stands. I will spar with you, but I won't teach you anything until you give me a good reason why I should. As it stands now, I will just use this to pass the time in a way that it won't inconvenience me. If you're okay with that, then we can start.' I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a second before looking back up at him, glad I was out of that feeling of his again,

'I am okay with that.' _I will have to stop hiding what I can do if I really want to become stronger like this._

**_###_**

'Then I'll get dressed.' I slid the jacket off my arms and started unbuttoning my shirt, keeping note on Hisoka who walked past behind me.

'Is it alright if I watch this?' He leaned back against the wall and looked straight at me when I kicked off my shoes to change pants.

'We can also alternate.' Glancing back at Killua, who gave a slight nod. I didn't need his approval, but asking for it gave me a hint on the strength of his motivation. Hisoka lowered himself against the wall, and raised one leg to lean his arm on. Meanwhile, I opened my bag to get dressed again, and heard Killua throwing his shoes aside, walking silently to the middle of the room. He is more serious than before. A lot has changed since Monday.

After pulling the shirt over my head, I threw my hair back and tied it up so it wouldn't get in the way. I noticed the intensity of my focus as well. We are both more serious.

At the point where I stepped out in front of him, I noticed he got in an opposite mindset of mine. He's always quiet when it comes to moving around, but his steps just now and his breathing at this moment were inaudible. He'd made himself disappear completely, and in his eyes there was nothing left but focus. _Have you stopped trying to hide your abilities? _

In response to his mindset, I put myself aside and turned completely blank except for the need to fight. This, would be enough to send most walking away for their own good, but nothing changed in Killua.

Although it could only be the product of enduring harsh training from a very young age, I approved of it_._ Even without me holding back he'd be able to stand back up again and again._ By now there was no question anymore that I'd have to ask Hisoka for a favor later on…_

We stood no more than three feet apart, and I slid one of my legs back a little, loosely raising both my hands in front of my chest, inclining my body slightly. I watched him raise one hand soundlessly. It was a good way to fight, one sense of your opponent would be disabled. _But it will take more than that for him to overpower me. I will teach him that then. _

He was the first to move, he made a small feint to the right before lashing out with his right hand to my wrist; fingers stretched. I bent my hand and moved it down an inch, folding it back to push Killua's attack away before catching the opposite foot going for my knee with my lower leg. I slowed down the movements that had caught his attacks for a moment, before pushing them away with a force, and using the momentum to twirl around him and end up behind him; grabbing his shoulder with my right arm, and placing the tips of my toes against the inside of his ankle, pushing his leg away.

I wanted to turn further and grab his arm, but he wasn't caught off-balance, and turned around towards me, wanting to repeat my move on me. But I stopped the arm reaching around my waist and I turned him further with a force; he landed a ways behind me before I turned back to the right side myself.

All of this happened in a second, yet he had attempted to duplicate my movement. That had been impressive.

As a reward I decided to attack him this time, and took a big step to get close enough to do that. Unexpectedly, he didn't go for that opening, and stood still when I stretched out one arm towards his side. He evaded marginally, but I punished him for that by tightening my muscles to follow his movement, and he got the side of my fist in his side after all. He flinched lightly before lifting his opposite arm to throw a punch against my ear, but in the meantime my other leg had caught up and I brought my knee up in between us and pushed his arm away; turning my leg to lay flat and hook my foot in his side to force him away. He'd been just in time to catch me, but he had no choice to be thrown to the side this time.

He flipped back to recover. During these two short moves, I had barely heard any sound. That was impressive.

'If this is how you normally fight, then I-' I got interrupted when his fist aimed for my solar plexus, but I turned away without much consequence and placed the side of my hand against his neck to push him past me, lifting my last leg to sweep out the legs from under him and when he made the flip to recover, punched him down to the ground right before me. Usually I don't use a lot of force in sparring sessions, but I wouldn't let myself get interrupted by the useless eagerness of Killua. '—mah, I wanted to compliment you, but it seems there's still a lot of childishness in you. I could hear that last attack coming.' He huffed and looked up at me before lifting himself off the ground. There wasn't even anything he wanted to say. He was completely focused if he was just taking my words for granted.

'You're being too kind on him.' I heard Hisoka's voice in the distance.

'I appreciate you keeping quiet until it's your turn.' I heard a soft chuckle, but kept my focus on the boy in front of me. We were both going easy on each other at this point. This was a whole different fight than before, and neither of us knew the other's capabilities.

'Are we going to keep testing each other for a while, or should we stop holding back?' I lifted my hand with the back of it turned to him. Having long fingers, it was disadvantageous for me to attack with an open hand, and I could see this surprised Killua as well when I came at him. But instead of simply moving his head, he lifted his hand with his fingers split, and ready to catch me with it and continue the movement away from himself. However, I bent my fingers over before I hit him and snaked my hand around his defense, stretching my fingers again to hit him against the side of his head; but he caught the impact with his other hand, even though he was shoved to the side a little.

He stopped for a moment at that point, and straightened his back. He stretched his neck a little before looking back at me and did something to catch me off-guard.

The look in his eyes intensified, and his presence came out of hiding with bloodlust seeping out of him. I inclined my head when I noticed that at this very moment he was imitating the trick I learned by accident and did not completely understand.

This was bloodlust though, not killing intent. This was closer to what Hisoka would exude if he knew how. Killua was better at imitation than I had anticipated – he really had been holding back a lot of his talent.

I straightened my back completely as well, and stood ready to attack him again, but for once he beat me to it. He feinted to the left, to the right, he did this a couple of times to throw off my visual senses as well as my hearing. He kept this strange movement up all the way 'till he attacked me, and hit me full force against the arm he'd injured before. Fortunately I'd anticipated this move, and used muscle movement to spread the shockwave so it wouldn't be a hard hit. Before I got the chance to hit back, Killua had already removed himself from my range. He didn't stop exuding his bloodlust though, that was going to cost him his stamina.

'Have you noticed already?' I moved my fingers a bit and noticed that I'd spread the impact well enough to keep going.

'Your parents are correct in calling you a genius. You're still careless in your moves, but you make up a lot for that with your talent.' Once he's my age with this kind of talent and training, he will be able to beat me. Killua gave me a slight nod in acceptance of the compliment before falling back in his feints once again, only this time he used them to gain speed and get behind me. I couldn't follow his movements exactly, but my reflexes helped - at the moment of attack his movement changes slightly. So when he stretched out his hand I evaded, grabbed his wrist, circled one leg back to get him off his feet and spun him vertically over his own arm. I wanted to twist his arm when he landed, but he'd clawed out at me, and I let him go.

'But you have to remember that I have more experience in longer lasting fights.' At that point Killua stood with his knees far bent, and put his body to a complete standstill. Knowing what he was about to do, I brought myself in the same state and when he increased his speed to land an attack to my neck, I evaded differently. I bent through my knees completely and let my body bend backwards, lifting my palm to give him the punch he wanted to give me. But he grabbed my hand in time and only got part of the impact, throwing my arm aside. At the same time I lifted my leg to kick him, and got him with that one, making him back off once more. I continued the motion of my leg and spun it over so I would be facing him again.

'Your flaw is that you become predictable. You've been trained for one hit kills. You have a lot of tricks, but you don't last.' At this point Killua noticed that keeping up the bloodlust cost him precious energy and stopped it – reverting back to being completely soundless. 'Do you want me to show you how I fight?' He didn't nod, but his eyes told me that he was both wary and wanting of this. 'Then I'll slow down a little so you can try to copy.' I took a normal step towards him before lashing out my leg at his head. When he ducked down a little for it, I instantly changed the tension in my muscles to switch direction and hit him with full force on top of his shoulder. He managed to take some of the blow with his hand, but he made a sound.

Hisoka did as well.

'You're a cruel man, Illumi.' Killua flinched to the attack, but I was too late to notice the short moment of silence before he hit me with his speed again. I spread the energy of the impact out from my side before stepping away; but that had been quite a punch.

He wanted to continue his attack, but I twirled out of his way and kicked him to the side a bit before setting my leg back down.

'I'm only here to relieve some tension and Killua said he was okay with this. There's nothing cruel about it.'

'This is not your fight, keep out of it.' Hisoka turned his head towards the boy as well when he said this. I responded with respect,

'It's good to see this dedication in you. I will not hold back anymore.'

* * *

_A/N_

I AM SORRY I HOPE THE FIGHTSCENE IS SLIGHTLY READABLE I'M A LOVER NOT A FIGHTER

_But aahhh~ Hisoka wrapped in Christmassy goodness...~  
It's winter over there, I couldn't resist :3_

_I don't exactly know yet what kind of role Feitan will be playing in the future, but I don't do character introductions for nothing, don't worry.  
Each and everyone that talks with either Illumi or Killua has a role to play._


	11. Chapter 11

_Alright, I may have miscalculated how much he wouldn't hold back. _I thought to myself as I was finally allowed my bed again. By the time that Machi chick had let me out of the infirmary again it'd already been five o'clock and I had to go straight to the session. That goddamn woman had been fucking violent in keeping me there, how was she a physician?!

Nothing exceptional had happened there during sessions though. Not compared to our fight. _Wasn't that Chrollo supposed to be the leading shrink on my case? He hasn't said a word all week since Monday. _I shook my head on the pillow and closed my eyes, replaying the fight in my head.

What I'd seen from our first fight still stood this morning, he can dodge better than I've ever seen before outside of my family. If that's not a clear indicator that he's had special training, then I don't know what is. His flaw is that he stays on the defense too long. …Although that's only a flaw in my profession, now isn't it... When he did lash out, I could predict where it'd land most of the time, but wasn't able to dodge or block it that often. His movements are fluid, and as such it's hard to notice when he changes direction midway, or when he switches to offense. If I want to counter that, I'll need to see through the pattern of his motions, and I will need more fights than this morning to be able to do that.

One thing stood out more than the rest though. At the rare times I'd been able to make a hit connect, he'd expertly redirected the sheer force of it so he wouldn't be affected by it. This is not normal. When it connects – even with redirection – it should have consequences to his body, but he didn't show signs of feeling anything. Even during the session I'd kept close watch on it, but he didn't move differently… If he'd felt it, then he was better at hiding injury than I was. Had he adapted to it from just the last fight? Thinking about it like that was kinda scary. I'd hate to be up against someone who's had a harder training than I've had.

I scowled at myself when thinking that. _Wasn't that the purpose of this? That I could learn from him? _I huffed and rolled myself to my side, avoiding pressure on my free right arm. I could've continued, and I'll be alright again with a couple hours of sleep, but it had reminded me too much of training at home.

As soon as the first fight'd been over though, he changed to an entirely different person. It was only for a minute that he returned to normal, after that it got kind of weird, I don't know yet what to make of it.

* * *

_'I know you can stand up again, but if we continue you will suffer bone fractures. I don't care if you've gone through that before, you stop here.' I stopped myself when I noticed the fatigue in Killua's body prevented him from putting up a decent fight again. To keep the fighting up for a considerable amount of time, the three of us had alternated in fighting each other. Although Killua had still refused to fight with Hisoka most of the time. It wasn't because he was too tired, Killua'd been focused solely on me from the start. _

_'…Alright.' He stood there huffing, with his head hanging. He wiped some blood from his mouth, and I looked down at my fist… not all of this was his blood, I'd held up my end of the bargain and hadn't held back. That was slowly starting to become a problem. 'Thank you.' When he raised his eyes back to mine I could see the words were merely a courtesy. He hadn't been able to learn anything significant from our fights, he wasn't grateful. _

_'Will I have to force you to go see the physician?' He slowly shook his head and turned away from me, going for the door. I'd already stood ready to threaten him, but apparently he was more aware of what his body needed than I originally thought. _

_'If you don't mind, I won't be accompanying you there.' Hisoka had started to look bored throughout the last couple of fights, but when he looked back up at me I could see that he knew what would come next. _

_'Killua doesn't need an escort, he knows the way.' The boy looked back when I said that, and I could read a little surprise in there. _

_'What if I don't go?' _

_'You'd only be hurting yourself with that. This is not the last time you're challenging me, you want to be in good shape next time I will say yes to it.' He turned back to me a bit more, _

_'I don't _need_ to see a physician, as the one who did this to me, you should know I can take care of it myself.' He raised his right forearm to demonstrate this. It'd been the one that had taken the grunt of the beating, and if he'd kept punching with it, he would've broken it. I agreed though that Machi probably wouldn't be able to do much at this point._

_'I am not so medically expert that I can discern every injury I inflicted on you, you will go see Dr. Machi.' He threw his head back and started laughing at those words. _

_'Oh please, the places you hit me were no coincidence.' He gave me a cocky grin, and behind him I could see Hisoka raise a hand to keep some laughter back as well. _

_'That has to do with my fighting ability, not my medical knowledge.' He stepped back towards me when I said that, and reached out his injured hand to my wrist. I hesitated in letting him grab it, but I don't know if he noticed that. My arm was uninjured, there was no reason for me to pull it back. _

_'See?' He raised my arm in his grip and I looked down at it with only my eyes. Grip wasn't the problem with his injury. That he could move his elbow without flinching was something else. _

_Neither of these were bothering me though, it was point number three. The reason Hisoka's attention had intensified upon me. _

_'Grip has nothing to do with it, you will go see our physician.' Looking down at his face, I decided to burst out some more fear into him before he let go and turned around. There had been a hint of understanding in his eyes that I did not appreciate. What kind of conclusion had he drawn from this?_

_'Fine, fine, I'll see you at five.' He lazily raised and waved his hand in goodbye when he walked out the door and left me with Hisoka. I closed my eyes and sighed inwardly when I could already hear his words in my mind. _

_'My, my, I commend you. I surely thought that last little action would've pulled you over the edge.' _

_'Don't insult me, I can constrain myself.' But it'd been close. I had put up an intense aura, he'd physically touched me outside of fighting, and I'd been forced to release that aura again. On top of that he'd shown a sign of trust by showing his true abilities, and I did not know yet where it'd come from. It was too much. _

_'Need a little hand with that?' I wanted to deny him this, but I had to be realistic. He walked towards me and slowly dropped the finger pointing at me. I was still breathing a bit heavier because of the workout, and this situation wasn't helping that. _

_He stopped inches short of me, and laid his hand against the left side of my chest, his palm feeling the beating of my heart. Looking down at that, he pocketed his free hand and put his weight leisurely on one leg. _

_'It's pumping straight out of there, isn't it?' _

_'Let's get this over with; I'd like to take a shower before the session starts.' His eyes slowly rose towards mine. _

_'Understood.' _

* * *

'Killua.' My thoughts were cut short when Chrollo opened my door. I didn't sit up, instead I just opened my eyes and looked up at him. 'Your parents are on the phone for you.'

'Again?' I frowned when I heard that message. I wasn't exactly looking forward to talking with them… again. I promised them to call after Sunday morning, but it seemed they couldn't wait. … which was exceptional for them.

'Should I let them hang up?' He pointed his thumb behind him, but I just shook my head whilst sitting up. There'd be no telling the consequences if I'd do that. I should just take it.

'I'll be there in a second.' Pushing myself off the bed, I followed Chrollo out the door. He went another way the first chance he got though. _Yeah, I'm pretty sure you're the biggest mystery of them all. _

'Here you go.' The door was opened and closed behind me. I was allowed privacy during my calls, but I was aware of surveillance in this room, so I stuck out my tongue to one of the cameras and turned so that none of them could see my lip movement.

'Hello.'

_"We're having complications and need to speed things up. We can't keep Ging in a coma much longer without getting noticed." _

"That's not good. How do I need to speed things up then?" I raised a hand behind my head. This wasn't good, I wasn't strong enough yet…

_"After you find out Illumi's flaw this Sunday, you will press to have a session at our house and make him show this flaw to discredit him. Don't be obvious about it." _

"I've only been here for two weeks, do you think I could get away with that?" There's no way in hell, is there? Please let it be impossible.

_"They will notice your doubt. Be sure to be determined by Sunday."_

"Is that all?"

_"Have your psychologists found out what the video footage is about yet?"_

"They haven't mentioned it." I leaned back against the wall. Perhaps that was why he was off this morning. He said he needed distraction, right? "But Illumi was distracted today, so it's most probably working."

_"What about Chrollo Lucilfer?"_

"He's still unreadable."

_"We need more inside information on him, he's elusive to us, even with surveillance at his house."_

"I will find out additional information about him before Monday."

_"Focus on Illumi, he's your weakest link." _I frowned when I heard him say that. _There's a good reason he is, but I need him a bit longer to be able to stand against these orders. _I really need to figure out how to get what dad wants without inconveniencing myself too much. He will notice immediately if I lie…

"I will."

_"We will see you Monday."_

"Understood." I heard the click when he hung up and lowered the phone; checking the time left on it for today. Still two minutes. I could call Gon right now, but he was at school and I need to think out a plan before contacting him. I need to assess how much he'll need to know of it. _This is a fucking mess._ I dropped the phone to my side and closed my eyes for a second.

'I'm sorry Gon, I will find a way to save your dad.' It will not be easy. While framing Illumi I also need to receive training from him, and I need to find out more about the marble statue that never talks. Even when he talks it's just to show what he knows about me. How in the ever-loving hell am I supposed to get information from… _that._

I walked out the door and returned the phone before walking back to my room. I clenched and unclenched my right fist a couple of times and bent my elbow again. I reached up to the stitches as well. Nothing about that fight had been coincidental. Illumi'd avoided both my face and right leg most of the time even though that wound had closed completely a while ago. On top of that, other than my right arm he hadn't put continuous pressure anywhere else. Of course my ribs were not feeling all that well, and my left leg had been hit pretty effectively…

Maybe it's a start for my plan… I stopped walking in the middle of the hallway and kept my eyes on my hand.

If Illumi is this experienced in fighting and – _you're not kidding me that you didn't learn to do this_ – interrogation, then he should be able to do something for me, right? I'm not making it easier for myself, am I…

I dropped my hand and pouted while I started walking again. Then I'd have to frame him, receive training from him and employ him against this plan of my parents to sever all ties with my "distraction." And if I ever find out something about Chrollo, maybe I can use him to.

'How the fuck am I supposed to do all this?' I glanced sideward when I noticed my words'd been heard by a passer-by. I need to be more careful about what I say, there's surveillance everywhere. I opened the door to my room again and locked it closed to prevent any more disturbances. I need my sleep if I want this to heal faster.

But you know, first things first, _who the fuck are you Chrollo?!_

* * *

'You're still up as well?' That seems to be the norm since I started on Kilua's case.

'I don't need to be anymore. But one hour of sleep will make me more tired than none at all. When is the last time you slept?' He looked like he hadn't this whole week. I looked down at Chrollo over his desk.

'Thursday to Friday. How are you going to handle Killua's questions?' He didn't look away from his work.

'There's no challenge in his questions. I can tell him anything and he wouldn't know if I was lying or not.' I shifted weight to one leg instead of sitting down. This wasn't going to be a long conversation.

'But of course you're not doing that.'

'No I'm not.' He trusts us to some extent, he deserves a reward. The only danger for this session would be if Killua's figured out my problem and plays in on it. He will claim psychological territory if he addresses it.

'There are things you're not going to tell?'

'He doesn't need to know everything about me.'

'Does anyone?' He looked away from his screen. Seemed that even though we'd had little contact this week outside of sessions, his fascination hadn't stopped. I upped the volume in my voice a little to make it clear I was not happy with this.

'You don't need to know that much, it's not why I'm here.'

'… …' There was silence in the literal sense, but the questions in Chrollo's eyes appeared to be screaming for answers. I need to make work of getting him off the case, it seems.

'There is no way for Killua to have been drugged. The only news with an effect like he displayed would be that he's been told to kill one of Gon's close family members once more.' He nodded and looked back at his screen when I said that. Neither of us was surprised of this, but it still had to be confirmed. 'If it was poison, then it was already waiting in his body. However, I haven't seen his parents using any trigger that I'm known with.'

'You still update on this?' He looked back up at me with interest. I nodded lightly.

'It is part of my job.' I am glad I figured this out before session today, but I wasn't any closer to discovering what was hiding in that tape. I shouldn't underestimate these Zoldycks. There was still more about the visit that I hadn't picked up on.

'If it's something built into his body, then the examination should've picked up on it, shouldn't it?' I shook my head.

'This family is most probably inventive with these things and knows of ways to hide that I am unaware of.'

'And the trigger?'

'That knowledge is beyond me.' It went silent after that. Looking straight in his eyes, I noticed two things in there. I sighed deeply before continuing. 'Can you decide whether to ask me about my medical knowledge or what this means concerning Killua?' I inclined my head when asking this. 'Or can you stop being obsessed about not knowing anything about my past and focus on our patient?' I raised my hand palm up in this offering. I saw his lips curl up a little.

'You're really direct.'

'You already know this, why are you stating it?' I raised my other hand as well.

'Because you ask questions I can't answer either. I want to get rid of this stalemate before you decide you want me off the case.' I lowered my hands again. Of course it would be unreasonable to take _me _off the case, Killua responds better to me than him. I would be fine handling this boy alone if Zeno'd allow it.

'There's no way to fix that. We both won't say an-'

* * *

_He was late? _I stood before a locked door, and no amount of knocking was getting me inside. That was a first and highly suspicious for someone like him. I stepped back and leaned back against the wall opposite the door, looking left and right. Like always, there was not a soul up and about at this hour. Were they still trying to break me with these early hours? They should know better by now.

I pouted at the thought they were still belittling me with things like this. In prison I wouldn't have any problems staying at the top of the food chain. If I'd go there though, I would most probably be sent to death as soon as it's allowed. I would be snuck out of there by my parents and be declared dead, allowing me a pure assassin's life. Although I would become better at my job, it's not exactly beneficial to my family. Institutionalized attracts less attention to the family than getting a death sentence.

I raised my hands behind my head and looked up at the tl-light above my head. The flickering in it has bothered me from day one.

'You can at least fix the goddamn lights, can't you?' I heard footsteps approaching me after those muttered words and turned my head lazily to the right. That wasn't Illumi.

I kept my eyes on the one that had denied my fight with Feitan, but he didn't look back. Not even when he passed me. It wasn't until the redhead was almost at the next corner that he stopped and spoke up.

'Illumi will be here in a minute or five. Have fun today.' He turned his head a little to grin back at me before disappearing out of my sight. I frowned at that action. Hisoka was weird and unpredictable. In a very, very, _very_ different way than Illumi. Despite that, they hung around each other a lot. Opposites attract? No, that doesn't do it justice. Two weird persons that have a weird relationship shouldn't be weird… right? _I need to stop letting Gon's simplemindedness influence me like this. _I dropped my hands to my pockets and snorted, looking back at the door in front of me. Better to focus on getting myself out of this situation.

Not a minute later I heard another pair of footsteps and looked back to the right to see my actual shrink appearing. I frowned again, something was very off about him again. But he didn't say a word, so I decided to, before we'd go inside.

'Look who decided to show up. You shrinks're supposed to be reliable, aren't you?' He didn't turn around to answer, he just unlocked the door and walked through it. '… …' What was this?

I shook my head out of a daze and pushed away from the wall to walk in after him.

'Chrollo isn't gonna join us, right?' Just asking to be sure. It would be nice if he'd be there, would save me the trouble of going after him later today. I automatically walked towards the couch, but changed my mind before sitting down. I would be asking the questions today, I'm not sitting down there.

'Dr. Lucilfer is currently in the infirmary.' The infirmary..? He walked behind his desk to get some papers and stood back up, tying his hair back. Wait… he never had it loose when entering sessions, did he?

'What happened?' I leisurely walked to the other side of the small table usually separating us.

'Sleep deprivation.' I stopped in the middle of my steps and cocked my head to the left.

Then to the right.

And back again.

That was a lie.

I had caught him in a lie. Very, _very_ easily. What happened?

I need to save this question for the session as well, concerning their relationship.

'You're not sitting in my chair during this session.' He looked up, intently looking at me, and I pouted,

'Fine.' … he felt dangerous today. A different kind than when he does his little trick.

I walked back to the couch and sat down, leaning my arms on my knees, and waiting for him to be ready. Something happened between him and Chrollo. Perhaps they're too similar, and it clashes.

'Alright. Ask anything, and I will answer every question.' He sat down in his chair and said these words, but I quirked an eyebrow at him. _Well this is kinda underwhelming. _'Where do you want to start.'

'At the basics. How old are you.'

'26.'

'What day were you born?'

'Unknown.' I inclined my head. I hadn't thought to find something interesting this early on.

'How can you not know your own birthday? How are you even registered here then..?'

'My mother thought up a birthday date, but she never told me when I was really born.' I was slightly taken aback by that. Although the birthdate on my records is false as well, I _have _been told my real one.

'What is the status of your parents now?'

'Both deceased.'

'At what age were you orphaned?'

'Seventeen.'

'What did you do when this happened?'

'I continued my education and provided for myself.'

'No other known relatives?'

'None.'

'How were you orphaned?'

'Technically I could still have a mother, so I don't know.'

'She went missing and never returned?' He nodded. I took a small moment of silence and searched my brain. Do I know of any of my family having offed a woman that looked like him…? Well, it's useless thinking about that, isn't it? We kinda have a large track record. 'Never went looking for her?' He shook his head. He was stoic, but not like he normally was. At this point he was still straining to be. He was quickly calming down though. 'Why not?'

'It wasn't the first time she went away without saying a word.'

'How about your dad, what happened to him?'

'Complications during brain surgery when I was fourteen.' _Well isn't that just a dandy life…_

'What did he do for a living.'

'He was a salesman.'

'What did your mother do?'

'Worked in the morgue.' _I'm getting more and more depressed hearing about all of this, and this is coming from me. _However, I now know where his medical skills came from,

'You learned your medical skills from her?'

'Yes I did.'

'All of it before you were seventeen?'

'Yes I did.' Shit, I _am_ dealing with someone that's had harder training than I have. 'Are you surprised I learned everything I know before that age?' He inclined his head, and with that movement I noticed he was completely back to normal. 'For someone with the fighting skills you have at fourteen, you shouldn't be surprised.' No, but I _am._ Not only medical skills, but your own fighting ability as well. Or did you learn that after your mother died?

'Why did you choose psychology after your mother taught you about medical skills?'

'I never intended to go into medicine. That I learned it says nothing about my preferences.' _Jesus fucking Christ. _

'When and where did you learn to fight then?'

'I started at age five. I won't tell you where.' Because I will pursue it when I get free?

'Why did you learn?'

'I needed to protect myself against abusive parents, I wandered into a dojo on my own.' I sat back up a bit when he said this. 'Was that alright? You wanted a lie so you'd know how to discern them from truth, right? Were you able to catch that?' _No I wasn't able to catch that you fucking moron, you show less signs of lying than I do. _In response to my movement, he himself leaned a bit more forward. Those blank, black eyes staring back at me.

'Don't fucking belittle me.'

'Ah, my apologies.' _Yep, completely back with fake smile and all. _I squinted my eyes a little in anger to this, but assessed the information nonetheless. So he probably had a harder childhood than I did, learned his medical skills from his mother 'till he was seventeen who then mysteriously disappeared, his dad died three years prior... the thing bothering me most about all of this, was how he stated it all as mere facts. Like the way I would talk if I could about the hits I've done. On top of that, he has that little trick of his. You're not telling me he got that purely from learning medicine.

Neither his interrogation skills, by the way.

'I keep forgetting you've already been through training like this.' I huffed indignantly before responding,

'I haven't been through anything of the like.'

'You haven't? Bu—'

'You're not asking the questions today.' This was worse than normal, he was reacting the same way he did just before our fight. I knew he was taunting me with this, and it annoyed me that he was doing that today of all days. _You put Chrollo in the infirmary, why? _

'My apologies again.' That question would come later though. I leaned my arms back on my knees.

'… Your answers still don't tell me where you learned to instill fear in others.' I blurted out a bit more bluntly than I'd intended. But hey, it's not like it matters _how_ I ask it. It's more important that I'm able to find a weakness. I think I have an inkling to that though, but I'll get all the information I can from him on the way to working up to it.

* * *

_A/N_

_Oh snap  
Look who's finally getting a background after 11 chapters._

_Pacing is really really really different when you're working with a long story ._  
_Shit will be hitting the fan very soon though_  
_Muehehehe_

_Also I'm gonna do a thing  
Am I gonna do a thing?  
I think I'm gonna do a thing  
I'm definitely gonna do a thing  
I'm feeling good cos my exams are over for now, so I'm gonna share this feeling with you who make me feel good as well  
Meaning some of my treasured reviewers can PM me for a hxh oneshot with a setting and/or pairing to their choosing  
So Ria d'arcy, Afuri, Bushwah, Wakama and Dot333, I love you and feel free to ask *blushes and bows politely*_


	12. Chapter 12

_'You're still going through with this? That's a bad idea.'_

_'I know it is, but I am capable of doing it, so I will.' _

_'That's not the reasoning of someone fit to treat a patient.' _

_'I don't really care what you say Hisoka, I will see you again later today.' _

_'My, my, such the demanding friend.'_

* * *

'You're interested in this?' I pointed at myself. 'You think my ability to make people fear death with my presence will give you more insight into my past?' He nodded and looked at me intently. I cocked my head before answering. I'm not the only one who can do this – as demonstrated by himself - why is someone like Killua unaware of this?

'I have to disappoint you, this is not something I've learned or was awakened by any event, I've always been able to do that.' I was glad that even though the event with Chrollo happened only an hour ago, I've been able to revert myself in the couple of minutes I've been here with Killua. His questions are not reaching as deep as I'd expected. I should still be careful; my outer appearance is normal again, but I'm forcing it at this point.

'That's bullshit.' He wasn't liking his answers even though I was telling the truth. It was because of his questions; he hasn't been taught as thoroughly in this as I'd suspected. On top of that, a lot of this information seems to startle him. I haven't even told him anything shocking.

'It actually isn't.' I shook my head and saw he was doing his best staying composed. He kept his annoyance under wraps to get everything out of today that he could.

'Then when did you become aware you could do that?'

'Ah, now that's a better question!' I raised my finger as Killua looked back at me with tension written all over him. If he's striving to learn how to interrogate, he still has a long way to go. I waited for a second before having composed the answer for him, 'I learned I had it when my mother was threatened to be killed when I was five. It drove the killer away in an instant. Mind you, that he didn't notice where it came from, so he didn't realize it wasn't actually a threat.' The expression on his face was switching between curiosity and a kind of horror. It took him a moment to respond. Hadn't he expected honesty, or did he think I was making it all up?

'Why was your mother about to be killed?'

'I always suspected she did something else besides working at the morgue.'

'What kind of work? Do you have an idea?' I shook my head. He didn't believe that. It's more because of the words than other signals though.

'You're saying your mother taught you your medical skills. How did she find the time between her regular job and whatever else she did?'

'She took me to work with her.'

'How long did she do this?'

'From when I was five until she died when I was seventeen.'

'How many people had you killed by then?'

'None.' He squinted and stopped asking for a moment to think of his next question. He was working towards a specific goal. He was either trying to find out what would faze me, or trying to find something he could use against me. For that he was doing his best in discerning lies from truth. That he paused with the last one, indicated that he merely believed it to be a lie, because it wasn't.

'When did you become like this?' He pointed a finger at his face, indicating towards the blank expression.

'It happened over a period of time, not a single event.'

'You're withholding information.'

'I'm answering the questions truthfully.' Even the one about kills. Indirectly I have been involved in a lot of deaths, but I was never the one to take them over the edge. 'I don't know what you're trying to find out about me, but apparently you're asking the wrong questions.'

'Don't fucking taunt me. What caused you to become like this over that period of time?'

'Do you want me to lie again so you can continue testing me?' His eyes narrowed greatly when I said that, and he refrained from answering. That was only fair, I'd given him a free pass to not have to answer anything I asked. So I continued. 'It's not hard to understand. I have been brought to the morgue for twelve years. I have seen a lot of death from a very early age, and learned about the literal inside of the human body from the moment I could hold a scalpel. I learned to not show the feeling of those circumstances through her. Over time I apparently stopped showing anything at all.' I raised a finger to my chin as if contemplating about this. That hadn't been a complete lie, but it was closer to that than the truth.

Meanwhile, Killua was putting pieces of the puzzle together, but I'd left out the most important clue. If he now admitted to knowing the connections and guessed what my mother'd been, he'd be confessing that his family was indeed one that dealt in death.

'You say you stopped showing, you mean you still have them?' Deciding on a different course? I gave him a slightly surprised look that he did, but answered nonetheless.

'Yes I do.'

'Show me.'

'Of everything I've told you, this is the thing you doubt?' He nodded slowly. 'I'm surprised you do. You know how strict it is to get in here. If I didn't have any emotions, it would be a brain deficiency, and I wouldn't work here.' _With a serious condition concerning touch, I only got hired through insistence of Zeno, though. _I am the exception to the rule, but the boy doesn't need to know this_. _Killua didn't answer when I said that. Somewhere he knew it to be true, but he was still doubting every word. I sighed loudly before I answered, 'You're impossible to convince, aren't you? Alright, what do you want me to show then?' I held out my hands in offering, waiting for a request. He deliberated on it for a while before he started to grin and answered softly but resolute,

'Show me love.' I lowered my hands and inclined my head when he asked this. With this he's trying to make me do something to cross boundaries. Is he already aware of my issues, or isn't he?

'… …'

'What's the problem?' I can't tell him about that, he will take advantage of it. His mind interests me, as soon as there's physical touch I will get excited, and there are several things that can happen after that. With Chrollo's incident still fresh it is most probably impossible for me to constrain myself.

'Ah, I can't do that at this point.'

'You can't? After that beautiful fucking speech, you can't? What a fucking joke.' He let himself fall back in his seat and raised his hands behind his head.

'I can, but I won't. Your expression tells me you're doing this to get me to cross boundaries I can't cross. I won't play into that.'

'You're saying you can't control yourself? I'm just asking for a little bit of care, where's my fucking hug?' He leaned back forward and threw his arms out in a challenge,

'Killua.'

'Yes?' He dropped them and leaned forward on his knees,

'I can show emotions like anyone without a brain deficiency can. That does not mean I will aid you in what you're trying to accomplish.' _Trying to get me off the case by either discrediting me or making sure I'm the one going to prison. _Was he still this opposed to me? I can hardly imagine he has preference of Chrollo over me. There is nothing he's done up until now that suggests that.

'Oh?' He sounded exactly like Hisoka when he made that sound. 'You sound so sure of what I'm trying to accomplish. But even if that's my goal, there aren't any cameras on in this room today, so you shouldn't have to worry about that. And you said you can show emotions, so encouraging words shouldn't be a problem, you have problems with physical contact? But you have trained in martial arts, so that can't be it either.' The intensity of interest in his eyes was increasing, he was gleaming that he'd caught wind of something,

'You don't seem like someone who'd refrain from doing something just because it's uncomfortable for you, so you really are afraid of consequences. Since words still wouldn't do anything, I take it there's a difference in touch for you concerning martial arts, and casual touch. Thinking back, the only times you touched me were when you bandaged my leg, did these stitches for me, and after our fight, and you were… off, after all of them.' He planted one of his elbows on his knee and started waving and pointing his finger while making his deductions. Seems like all this time he actually had paid attention, instead of just being upset about his situation. This could pose a problem.

'You also said something about me being so interesting that day, but I can't be sure that has something to do with it.' He tilted his head, 'So you can't really deny that touch has consequences for you. It remains to be seen what though. Probably not aggressive in a fighting way, because fighting didn't trigger anything with you, so that leaves only a couple of other options.' He sat back and crossed his legs wide, one hand on his hip, and the other in the air to prove his points one at a time. He seemed extremely pleased with himself at the moment.

'One, you get the need to kill. Two, not killing but maiming me. Three, you break down emotionally. Or four, you get physically excited.' He dropped his hand again and lay both his arms over the backrest, looking back at me intently. I cocked my head in question to this stare of his.

'You're waiting until I tell you if any of those is correct? Because that's not going to happen.'

'You could also just send some encouraging words my way.' They wouldn't reach him. Comparing the contact he has with his parents to what he has with Gon, words are empty to him unless physically touched.

'That won't work with you. Words have been taught as tools to you.'

'Well, you're not any different, are you?' I had a couple of choices left at this point. I could just refrain from playing into this, but that would warrant more attempts to this in the future. I could stand up and embrace him, hoping I would not get out of control and proving him wrong in his thought pattern – meaning the nature of the visit to Hisoka this afternoon would change. I could also use fear to keep him away from me, but this would merely confirm his findings and not stop his attempts in the least.

These were only the effects on me though. What effect would either of these choices have on Killua?

…

We need to leave this session with the right order still intact.

In the end I decided to stand up and walk towards him. He was highly interested in what was going to happen, but a little apprehensive as well. _I could stop myself if this would go wrong, couldn't I?_

I bent through my knees in front of him, and lay one hand on his leg, looking up at him. He twitched when I touched him, but didn't look away. I haven't had to put myself in this state for a long time… the cases I've had before didn't exactly demand it from me. I was deliberating for a second if I really should continue.

…Ultimately I did, and I regretted it deeply later on.

I sat up on my knees, lay my arms around his shoulders, and softly pushed his head against my shoulder. I felt him protesting a little, but he let it happen nonetheless.

'Do you know what one of the things was that Gon told me before you came here?' I whispered next to his ear. _Of course he didn't know, I'd told him not to discuss it._ Killua shook his head very lightly. The tension in his body was increasing. 'He said he was looking into the possibilities to have you live with him, to make you part of the family. He asked for my help. Do you want to be his brother?' I could feel the increase in heartbeat with him, and his breathing raised completely to his chest. It was subtle, but for someone that can make himself disappear and conceal his emotions on command, this was quite a reaction. Especially right now.

I let go after half a minute.

'I will be back in ten minutes.' I stood up and only took a short glance at the expression on his face before walking out the door. That reaction wasn't just from what I said. It was that somebody looking like the man he probably killed had said this. Someone that only resembled him in appearance, and had suddenly shown something he never showed.

Ten minutes weren't just for Killua. I will not go to Hisoka now though; I will take care of the consequences for myself right now.

Walking out the door, I didn't get very far though,

'Need a hand again already? Still glad you took the case?'

* * *

_'But I could never get Kito clear enough to do this with him, but now I've got you.'_

_'You're stuck with training again? It would be easier to hang out if you lived with us.'_

_'Of course you can stay over tonight! You're practically family either way.' _

_'Hey, don't worry about it, he's still alive and you're family for me as well, I'd never let you go to jail.'_

_Gon, you idiot, think of your real family first… _

* * *

_I can't, I… I can't destroy this office, I need to keep low profile with the rest of the institution… _

Was it true what he said? I want it to be true, and it sounds like something Gon would say, but… would he seriously still want that after what I did to him..?

I can't even let him, I'll have to deny him this… I've figured out that the only way I can get out of killing Gon's dad is by making either him, his mother or little brother appear dead. All my parents want is to sever the tie I have to Gon, I just need to fake Gon's death and everything will be alright until I'm strong enough to oppose their orders. _I can't possibly become your brother, Gon… my family will have your head…_

I pressed my hands on my legs to push them into the ground, to stop the fidgeting. I need to get myself together, I need to continue what I've started. _Come on Killua, you've been through more distress than this. Close your eyes and breathe in and out deeply… _

'… …' Fuck this,

'AAAHHHHHH!' I stood up and screamed when I turned around to kick the couch against the wall a couple feet behind it.

'How fucking dare you do this?! How dare you involve Gon, how dare you say something nice with _that_ fucking face?!' The piece of furniture toppled over back to me, and I decided to kick it more to the side where it hit a cabinet of which I cracked the side. It started falling apart as I watched.

'How dare you have that fucking face in the first place?! Stop rolling back to me!' I yelled at the couch as it came back again. I wanted to kick it again, but stopped when I saw the damage on it was about to rip it in half. I stepped back and withheld myself from kicking the coffee table away with my heel.

'What the hell are you?!' I raised my head and hands and asked the ceiling for this answer. 'Was your mother a fucking Death's Deliverer or not, what are you fucking doing now after you fucking touched me?!' _I need to know these things before I see my parents again tomorrow!_

I looked back down after taking a couple of very deep breaths and calming myself down a little. If Yellmi hadn't been such a big deal back then, I wouldn't have half as much problems with all of this.

'Tch.' I bent down to pick up the couch and put it back where it belonged. I looked to see if the cabinet was salvageable, but that was impossible within these ten minutes. I've given him a sign now that what he did affect me. That wasn't good. However it seemed to have as much consequences for him as for me.

I looked down at the couch, trying to get my annoyance out of the way and make sense of what just happened. The morgue… it was a perfect place for a Death's Deliverer to work. On top of that she'd had people after her life and probably died an early death. So Illumi grew up in the middle of that? It wasn't a wonder he was this stoic then. Doesn't really explain his problem with touch, but I don't need to know where it comes from as long as I know how to "use it against him." However, with all the experience he most likely has in hiding evidence and bodies, he will come in useful when having to shelter Gon.

But before I can ask him this, I will have to indirectly admit I am what I am. That was the problem. Would he even be willing to help me? I need to make sure of this first.

'… …' My head shot around at the sound of a large thump against the door after which it flew open. I pocketed my hands and gave the scene my full attention. Apparently Hisoka had walked back to this office, and stood leisurely in front of Illumi who – judging from his eyes – had wanted the man dead seconds earlier, but was starting to get completely stoic again.

He looked at Hisoka's face, but Hisoka had more attention for Illumi's shoulder. To which my shrink raised his hand and grabbed a tight hold of it before pushing it back into its socket. I didn't flinch at a sight like that, but seeing Illumi do it without reacting either was a strange sight. Hisoka then grinned back up at him, letting out a soft chuckle. _What kind of fucking relationship do you guys have?_

It was after that chuckle, that Illumi slowly turned his attention to me. He didn't need to use his little trick to let me notice he was in a killing mood. The look in his eyes told me enough, and instinctively I shuffled back a small step.

'Well, it seems that session is over for today. Any remaining questions can be asked at any time, but you probably won't get them answered.' A chill went up and down my spine. Not because of the words, but because he now lacked any kind of care towards anyone outside of himself. A total lack of empathy… this was new…

He turned around slowly and Hisoka stepped back a little to let him leave. My eyes widened a second when I realized there was still one important question left.

'Wait!' He stopped, but I was left to talk to his back. 'Is it possible to have a session elsewhere than here some time?' _I need this answered before tomorrow…_

'You either sacrifice three weeks' worth of Gon's visits to have a session at your house,' _… he guessed where..? _'…or you wait until you've been here for a month. After that time something can be arranged, it's your choice.' When I didn't reply immediately, he started walking away again. I followed him with my eyes until he was out of sight, and started feeling Hisoka's attention on me. He crossed his arms and leaned back in the doorframe when I looked back at him. _He was dangerous right now. _I didn't move to stop from provoking him. It took a while before he spoke up again,

'You did quite a number on that cabinet, and I see the couch suffered as well.' He pointed a finger lazily at the two pieces of furniture. I don't know why he attacked Illumi, what even happened to him when he walked out the door?

I shifted weight to both my legs, but didn't answer,

'What did he do?' He asked. The grin on his face widened, and he lifted his head a little, making him look down on me some more. I just narrowed my eyes at him and refrained from opening my mouth. 'Did he tell you not to say anything? Because I can assure you there's few secrets between us.' He turned his hand around while saying this. 'Still not talking?' He retracted his hand and dropped it to his side.

'I'm not obligated to talk to you.' His eyes widened again for a second, before settling on a near slitted state,

'Oh~? Pragmatic, aren't you? How's Gon doing?' My lips stayed glued to each other. 'Wouldn't it be great if he could get admitted here as well? Then you could see him all the time.' My eyes widened a little at that idea, and the grin on Hisoka's face told me he noticed. _Jesus Christ, where did they find all these people?_ 'Wouldn't that help your situation? His father is still in danger of getting killed, isn't he? I mean they _are _trying to sever your ties with Gon. Taking your friend off the radar of your parents should temporarily solve your problem, shouldn't it?' The malicious tone in his voice only made the words worse. 'Am I wrong?' He almost cooed the words, 'It's only a theory after all. Based on the things I hear from our dear Illumi.' Great, just what I need, someone like Hisoka on my case.

'But that conflicts with what you're parents want, doesn't it? You're obviously working on finding Illumi's weak points. You want to discredit him, right? Illumi knows that's the reason you want to have the session elsewhere.' _It wasn't very hard to discern that touch was his weak point though…_ I looked away for a split second. Even though they both knew exactly what was going on, they were not interfering with any of it. Not with me, not with my family, not with Gon's family.

'I have to say, it's a very cute plan.' My eyes fixated on his more than before when he raised his hand to cover a soft laugh. He closed his eyes, he seemed just as amused as after the fight with Illumi. It's an eerie laugh.

And it was followed by him only shifting his eyes back to me more intensely,

'It doesn't matter if you know Illumi's weakness, it doesn't matter that your family are the Zoldycks,' The tone of his voice dropped considerably after a short pause and his eyes nearly closed, '…you will never succeed in forcing him into any plan of yours. He's already made up his mind.' He took a moment to just stare at me before pushing himself away from the doorframe and leave my sight as well.

_Jesus fucking Christ._

Was my heart still in my fucking chest? Am I still breathing?

I'm used to threats, but every one of these guys here was in a league of his own.

I was glad to hear that at the very least Illumi wouldn't be caught so easily by my parents, but employing him for my plan to get Gon out of the picture would be difficult as well.

I pouted when I realized I actually felt offended by Hisoka saying Illumi was better at hiding things than my family was. _Fuck you Illumi, we're better than you Death's Deliverers. _I gave a light kick against the couch next to me, and jumped back a little when it creaked a bit too hard. I looked at it 'till I was sure it wasn't going to break in half.

If Illumi knows exactly what I'm doing, will he still agree on working with me? Is what Hisoka said actually an option… hiding Gon _here_ of all places.

I need to focus on my shrink a whole lot more from now on. What abilities could be useful for me, and what will he agree to helping me with..?

First of all though,

I sighed loudly and lifted my head when I gave a kick to the couch which made it break in two after all. That thing's not useful anymore anyway.

'I don't care it's Sunday, I will call you awake, Gon.' Illumi's fucking words about him had put some extra beats per minute on my heart as well, I need to get rid of at least a couple of those if I don't want to get a heart attack.

* * *

_A/N_

_Ramalamabam  
It's - very very very - slowly closing in on chapter 1, isn't it? Illumi's biggest problem is actually pushing his issue too far.  
Not that Hisoka is minding this all that much.  
But what's a Death's Deliverer you ask?  
Why, you can probably discern characteristics from one just reading the conversation, but the full explanation will come at a later time.  
_

_There's a lot of changes in relationships coming on, so stay tuned,  
"Thank you for flying Air Leslie, get ready for take off"_


	13. Sunday January 6th

'You're going home for the day?'

'You're still following me? Are you intent on ending up in the infirmary as well?' Although Hisoka had gotten the best of me just now, I am on the verge of a complete fighting mindset. He will not be able to beat me again.

'Oh~? But I don't think with a sore shoulder like that that you'll be able to defeat me.'

'An injury like this has never stopped me before. I recommend you change directions.' He didn't though, he stayed close behind me. That I had allowed Killua to see this was enough of a problem for today. I need to get better at subduing these unnecessary urges before his parents find a way to use them against me. I _can_ hold my own against them, I just need to refresh my knowledge and skills.

'Oh, but with you being this dangerous, how could I possibly stay away?'

'That's very easy.' I stopped in the middle of my step and turned towards him. I didn't even have to speak up for him to understand the double threat. After a couple of seconds he raised his hands in innocence, and I turned back around. It wasn't long 'till we got to the outside door, and I reached inside my pocket to find my keys.

'Will you ever stop threatening Phinks? He's a good dog, he's never done anything to you.' Hisoka still followed me outside. A cold gust greeted both of us, but neither of us shivered as reaction to it.

'How do you know he still is? You're even less home than I am. I would get a better evaluation of that from Kurapika.'

'Ah~ he's always such a good neighbor.'

'Hisoka.' I stopped and turned around when we reached my car. The state Hisoka was in now, was preventing him from ungluing himself from me. However, I am not permitting him to follow me to my home again. The last time that happened, things did not end well. 'Unless you can guarantee my furniture will survive and I will still be able to show up at work tomorrow, you're not coming with me.' He softly laughed at the comment and forcefully planted his hand against the side of my car, pinning me against it. In response to this I'd already lifted my keys and held them against his throat. It stopped his movement, but not his words.

'So cruel of you to give half permission. You know I won't hold back.' He licked his lips at the prospect of what could take place if he'd come along with me.

'Then I suggest you step away from me before I break one of your ribs.' I moved my free hand up a bit to bring it to the right angle to do this. Hisoka, in response, pressed his throat a bit more against my keys. He is a wildcard. He's useful to me because he knows of my problems and can deal with them perfectly. What he wants in return though, I am not inclined to provide him with that. However, when dealing with the consequences of my issue, chance is high that I_ do_ permit him to do whatever he wants.

'Shouldn't you stay anyway? I do believe today is a good day to talk with Chrollo about this.'

'You want to keep me here? Do you think your chances are greater if I stay?' His grin widened. _He believed his chances would be greater if I first had to deal with Chrollo again. _'I will deal with him over the phone. I will not give you this. Step away.' Before I punched him short distance on his solar plexus, he stepped away and avoided most of the impact. He still raised his hand and softly rubbed the area. He knows short range is my strongest offense. It needs to be. If the situation ever arose that someone would get this close, I needed to be able to disable with a single movement. 'Thank you.' The moment I turned around though, he approached me again. Anticipating this, I grabbed the arm that had reached out first, stepped back with one foot in a circular motion, and brought him out of balance with the one still in its place, twisting his arm with a force so he had no choice to spin over almost vertically. I wanted to force him down after, but he landed neatly on two feet and stepped away as soon as I loosened my grip and let his wrist go. He turned back to me when I opened the door and I stepped inside my car.

'Drive safe.' He started walking back inside as soon as the engine started. It's mostly in snowy times like this season that his red hair stands out the most. Somehow the intensifying look of this blood red color intensifies his inner urges as well.

* * *

'Tch…' I hissed in annoyance at the phone when Gon wouldn't pick up. I looked over at the lady handling the reception at this hour and gave her an annoyed look. She gave me twice the amount of annoyance back and casually twirled her back towards me.

'Well screw you too.' I muttered her way. She couldn't hear me from where I was standing, but that didn't matter. I stuck out my tongue before trying to reach him one last time. By now I was starting to feel some guilt, wondering if I wasn't waking up the entire house with th-

I almost dropped the phone when it already rang while I was dialing and quickly pressed the answering button, bringing it to my ear.

'… …' I hit myself on the head when I realized I'd just told the phone to call the incomplete number of Gon's phone; instead of actually answering. I hung up in slow-motion, and calmly started to dial the entire number. Waiting for Gon to finally answer. _I'm only clumsy when it comes to you, Gon, I fucking swear you're contagious. _I scowled at this.

'_Killua!' _

'Gon! Finally got hold of you.' Involuntarily I felt a smile creeping up on me.

_'Are you kidding me? You thought I'd be up at this hour? Shouldn't you be in session right now?' _I heard the yawn that escaped him, and some rustling of him turning in his sheets, I guessed.

'You sound exactly like me when I give you a hard time when you're not in class. Is this what 5am does to you?'

_'… …' _

'Gon, I can't fucking understand you if you're speaking into your pillow, you idiot.' I snorted when I heard the mumbling.

_'I don't get up at 5am _ever_. Why're you doing this to me Killua~.' _He ended in a nagging tone which only amused me more. I turned around and leaned back against the wall.

'Just felt like calling. My shrink was being a bitch today.'

_'Which one?' _

'Illumi.'

_'Ah, the one that looks like your first... yeah…' _You really are still sleeping, aren't you? _'Isn't he always on your nerves?' _

'Yeah, but today a bit more. It's why session's already over.'

_'What happened?' _

'Not important.' Gon doesn't need to know about this. I want to keep it a bit more lighthearted than this. 'What're you doing today?'

_'What? Oh, mostly homework.' _He started rustling again before settling down, _'Can I be there again at eight tomorrow, or should I come by later?' _

'Why would you come later?'

_'Because you were … … distracted.' _A big yawn came in between the words.

'Of course I'm distracted, I'm juggling things over here.'

_'Parents still on your case huh?' _

'Aren't they always?' I scratched the back of my head at that thought. I like the results of my training, not necessarily the training itself.

_'It would be easier if you lived with me, huh.' _I… I can't believe you actually just said that. I'm the only one who's not a telepath….

'You know that's not possible.' The volume of my voice dropped considerably and I looked a bit up at the ceiling; feeling my foot wanted to start tapping nervously.

_'Ah don't take it so hard I can't take that this early in the morning.' _Gon spoke up, sounding frustrated, _'You're just impossibly stressed out all the time, it's not that hard to take a break from training, is it?' _

'I'm kinda in a critical stage of that right now, I can't bail out.'

_'Right, you're working to your 100th so you can be called a professional.' _I can't believe you can fucking say that so casually after I almost used your dad as a stepping stone towards that. How are you even okay with me doing this? How does that separation work in your mind – that the killing of others is alright but not when it comes close? I… how do you fucking accept that?

'Yup. But coming back to your question, it's alright if you're here at eight again tomorrow. I promise I'll not be as distracted. If you want to come later though…'

_'No, no, it's alright. If I come around the same time every week, then maybe I can make arrangements at school for rescheduling.' _

'Since when are you a practical thinker?' I half laughed into the phone, and I got some annoyed, sleepy noises back for that remark.

_'Well I have to be, don't I? I absolutely have to make it to next year thanks to making that promise.' _

'You sound like you're regretting your choice.' Cue more annoyed noises, and some rustling followed by a light thump. He'd gotten up?

_'I'm doing all I can, I swear, just you make sure to do the same, alright? Don't bail out on sessions.' _

'Oy! It wasn't me that bailed on-' I looked up when I heard ticking against the window, and got signaled that the five minutes were almost up. I nodded before finishing my sentence. 'I'm sorry, I have to go, I'll see you tomorrow.'

_'Right, see you then.' _I hung up after and casually twirled the phone in my hand while walking back to the receptionist and throwing the thing back at her.

She caught it with ease, but I was startled by the voice behind me a second later.

'Where has Illumi gone off to, leaving at the start of the session?' I turned around and looked up at the supposedly leading shrink on my case; aka the enigma. Mr. Enigma looked different right now though. His hair wasn't slicked back, and he wasn't in full suit. _Right, he was at the infirmary up 'till now according to Illumi._

'Stuff apparently happened and he bailed. Don't blame me for it.' I took a more casual stance and waited for his answer. He looked over my head towards the exit. Yeah, Illumi most probably went home. 'If you want to know more about it, I think Hisoka knows and should be around.' Just don't go looking for him with me, I don't want to be within ten feet of that redhead today.

'That's alright, I will call Illumi at eight.' His eyes turned back down at me, 'We're finishing your hours for today first.' But today was just about me asking Illumi questions, do you even have anything prepared? 'Don't worry, I always have questions ready. Unlike Illumi though, I am not willing to part with personal information. If you want to continue that, you will have to wait until he feels like doing this for you again.' _That should be never then, _and can you stop reading my thoughts, thank you very much. 'However, this was a promise of his, so I will make sure it happens in the near future.' Suddenly you're being the main shrink?

'How very kind of you.' I said mockingly. He looked me straight in the eyes for a second before he smiled and slowly turned around, walking away with the order for me to follow him. I took a couple feet of distance though, and could see from the way he walked that probably his left shoulder was injured. It was only a slight difference in his walk though, so I couldn't discern the extent of this injury. On top of that, someone like Chrollo probably knew how to conceal it goddamn well.

'How high do you guess chances are I'll be receiving report of your short session?' He turned his head slightly when asking this.

'He's anal about this, right? Why wouldn't he?' I was putting question marks all around the happenings this morning. After all that has happened up 'till now I doubted I had sufficient defense against Chrollo's questions; even though they would be improvised. This was going to be a bitch of a day…

* * *

It's been a useless day. I'm acting too reckless and I should stop doing this. Having one session in Killua's home will be no problem with a little preparation, but I have to be honest – I need to be clear for that.

I sat down on the couch and looked around the dark room; hearing the sound of a shower being turned on upstairs. Now that I'm back to normal I can convince myself Chrollo's only remaining goal here is to test my responses for when I go to the Zoldyck's estate; the reason he used to come over was to talk about our cooperation, but we both know it's because he wants to try if he can find out something about me. At the very least I'm certain Killua won't give up Gon's visits to have a session at his parents' house – so it's two more weeks until that session. He's only pleading for the relocation because of his parents' influence; he's more interested in finding a way to lead both lives.

It's a futile effort, they're not combinable. Unless Gon becomes a part of the Zoldyck family, they cannot remain friends. Having friends – having connections not skilled enough to defend themselves against their enemies – it's selfish. He'd bring all the danger of his family to Gon's family. He needs to make the choice of either giving up Gon or getting him adopted; and I doubt the Zoldycks - or Gon himself - are open to that.

Although important to understand, this is none of my concern. My interest in his motivations is slowly fading due to this transparency. It's time we start preparing him so he can talk himself out of here, and to give him qualms about taking someone's life. Someone like Killua will destroy the institution if he stays there too long. I don't feel like dealing with the hassle of having him near me when he realizes the futility of the choice he's trying to make.

I stood up again and walked upstairs to get a change of clothes. Chrollo had come here about half an hour ago. Apparently he'd tried to contact me but I hadn't answered. This could have indeed happened. I'd explained to him all I'd needed to explain. Afterwards he decided that his new goal for the evening would be to test me. I hadn't objected to this. Though his motives were not ones to help me, it was because of that that it would be a good test. He seems desperate to learn something about me.

I gave a quick look to the half open door to the shower, and stopped for a second.

'Don't take long, we need to get up early for Killua's session.'

'Do I have permission to at least step under it?' My eyes turned back to my bedroom door when it opened, and Chrollo walked past me wrapped in a towel.

'Take ten minutes, we'll have one hour afterwards.' He lifted his hand in confirmation to this and disappeared into the bathroom. 'If you're not there in ten minutes tonight's not happening.'

'Are you still on edge from this morning?'

'You do not seem to understand. Tonight is only happening because you're a good test to see if someone who's interested in my past can find out something about it. Your ways of trying to "win" me over are wasted on me; and the longer they continue, the harder it is to work together. So either you seize your tricks or I'm talking to Zeno to get you removed from the case.' I heard a laugh coming from the bathroom; even if I'd convince Zeno to do this, Chrollo's word weighed heavy as well.

'Shall I take the lead in the coming sessions? You're unimpressed with my contributions, right?'

'If you want to do that, then we're discussing that tonight instead of you testing me.'

'Alright.' I hadn't expected him to comply this quickly, but I wasn't complaining. It would make tonight easier.

I finally walked inside my bedroom and got the change of clothes I'd initially come upstairs for.

* * *

_'Chrollo?' I opened the door and cocked my head when I saw it was him at the door. I'd been ready to keep Hisoka at bay when I reached the door, but I hadn't expected Chrollo to come by instead of call. _

_'Can I come in?' _

_'No. Why are you here.' I still held on to the door. _

_'I heard from Killua that you'd made yourself scarce. I called, but you didn't answer. Why did you leave your patient ten minutes into the session?' _

_'Killua didn't tell you?' I inclined my head again. That was unusual. I thought he would be thrilled to drive a wedge in between his two shrinks by telling of my weakness. 'I experience triggers now and again. I retreat when I do. Zeno did not inform you?' Of course Zeno hadn't informed him. No-one knows of this outside of Hisoka and him. No-one outside of them _needs _to know. _

_'It seems I've been withheld some valuable information. I repeat the question; what happened?'_

_'I already answered.' _

_'A trigger so severe that you have to leave suddenly and go home?'_

_'Not always.'_

_'When not, then?'_

_'If you're so interested in this, we will discuss it tomorrow. Right now is out of the question.' His look changed when I said this. It was subtle, but his focus on me intensified. _

_'You left a patient ten minutes into session to take care of a trigger that involves you having to leave the institution. Killua finished his hours with me, but this unusual situation needs to be avoided in the future. For that, I will come in now.' I looked at him a bit longer and noticed for a change he was actually serious about his motivations. Though the main motivator still lay somewhere else. I had to agree that the situation had been unfavorable, and it would be easier to resolve it now than waiting until Hisoka would. _

_'Alright.' I stepped aside and he nodded slightly when walking past me inside. _

_'If I recall correctly then you live too far from here to go home tonight, right?' _

_'Right.' I'd let him in knowing this. I wasn't beyond sending him away in the middle of the night, so that wasn't a problem either way. Just confirming his main motivator. 'I take it you already calculated before letting me in?' He hung his coat in the hallway and followed me to the living room after I'd closed the door. 'So what actually happens when you're touched?' He stopped in the middle of the room, but didn't turn. He casually looked around._

_'You're asking instead of finding out empirically this time?' I walked past him, and felt his attention on me when I sat down on the couch. I wasn't planning on giving this visit any more attention than was needed though, and started planning out the rest of my evening accordingly. _

_'Well, thinking back on the severity when I merely reached out a hand and the fact that you abandoned work, I reckon it's serious, so I'm refraining from agitating you more than necessary.' _

_'If you want to do that, you can make yourself at home and pretend I'm not even here.' I looked back up at him when he sat in the comfortable chair in front of me. He took a second before speaking up again. In that second all his eyes were doing was sizing me up; analyzing me. _

_'You don't care about your home, yet you still come here now and again. If this was just a building so you'd have a home address, you wouldn't bother doing that. If you dislike the facilities of the institution you would've chosen a house or apartment closer to where you work. Why do you even have this house.' Though the question came seemingly out of nowhere, it's not that I don't have my reasons. _

_'That doesn't concern you. Are you going to be asking useless questions like this all evening? Because if that's the case, then I think I'm sending you away.' His demeanor didn't change in the least; instead he leaned forward on his knees and the intensity of his attention increased once more. _

_'I don't really care if you send me away. Coming inside is more than I'd anticipated on achieving tonight. You're reclusive, but you don't show any signs of objection when it comes to letting me see this personal space of yours – which is unusual because you probably have a personal attachment to this place. And yet your mind is closed off. You're full of contradictions. And that's telling me you're keeping options open to either a past life, or another life you'd rather be leading. And this touch issue has a lot to do with these options.' _

_'Are you expecting me to answer, or are you content with just telling me your theories?' He smiled and closed his eyes for a second. I am well aware of my motivations, I do not need his words to have this knowledge. _

_'Does anyone know of your past?' _

_'No.' Although Killua knew some useless information now. _

_'You're lying.' _

_'It doesn't matter if I am or if I'm not. These questions have nothing to do with our cooperation.'_

_'My apologies, this is true.' He leaned back and folded his hands in his lap. 'How can we avoid a trigger happening again in the future?'_

_'Impossible.' _

_'Impossible?'_

_'I chose a place to work where I knew triggers existed. I place myself in these situations on purpose.'_

_'Oh?' Contrary to Killua, Chrollo didn't sound the same as Hisoka when he got this interested. _

_'Should I tell you why, because you sound like you've already deducted for yourself what the reasons are.' _

_'There's a lot of possibilities, you can't expect me to narrow -' He stopped talking when he realized what I'd played at. There are indeed a ton of possibilities and I do not intend on narrowing them down. His mouth opened and closed a little before accepting this and moving on. 'Then I'm your backup on this case? Zeno knows of your issue, but has let you work alone on all previous cases. That would be peculiar, but it isn´t. The difference between those cases and this one is the level. Zeno believed a trigger would happen because of this. So another factor for a trigger is the level of insanity of your patient? No, that's not right… I'm not allowed to touch you either, so it has to do with intelligence?' _

_'Are you still fishing for answers?' I wanted to stand up and get something to drink, but leaving now was impossible. In this power-play we were apparently holding, I needed to stay where I was. _

_Chrollo was taking in every little movement I was making, and noting the intonation in every word I said. I haven't seen him on high alert like this before. It was impressive. But he was underestimating me. _

_'Yes, intelligence is one of the triggers.' It didn't matter if he knew this. _

_'Another one being touch.'_

_'Which seems more of an obsession for you than for me.' I took my chance in the small second of silence. I knew that eventually we'd get back on this topic, and I turned this interrogation around. 'Though it's different than with Hisoka. He has a passion for it, and even when it's not needed he will find a way to force it – either physically or mentally. Either way he gets his way often enough. You act more like someone who wants it because he's never had any.' He withdrew a little, but his high alert only changed; it didn't disappear. 'Somehow my presence seems to have triggered your need for it. But thinking back on Hisoka's words that you were off-limits suggests that touch is as forbidden for you as you say it is for me.'_

_'I didn't think this would go unnoticed.' _

_'Tell me, why do you think I will indulge you in my reasons when you won't give me yours. Because both our reasons are interfering with our cooperation.' This time I leaned forward, and some of my hair glided over my shoulder, shadowing my face a little. The amount of calculation in his eyes suggested it was extremely private information, and he weighed his options of how to pry information from me without having to give everything of his own in return. He shifted in his seat to loosely cross his legs before he answered. _

_´People don´t interest me.´ I raised an eyebrow at those words, but he continued before I could form any thoughts about it. ´There´s only a few that do. I come from a harsh environment - like you already guessed two weeks ago – and surviving is more important than trusting people. For that I chose to work here to keep myself sharp – also like you guessed. I'm one to keep anyone at bay with words unless they seem strong enough to survive with me.' _

_'With how careful you are at the moment I have no way of discerning if your words are true or not; so what are you trying to accomplish with this?' It would explain his reaction to hearing Machi had returned though. They've supposedly known each other for a long time. Still it could all be part of his play. 'You know I will not tell you anything just because you have done so.'_

_'Hmph.' He huffed, and his lips upturned a little when I said this. He hadn't expected any differently, had he. 'I did this to eradicate at least one of the barriers.'_

_'Then I will be clear; I have no intention of creating lasting bonds of any kind.' He leaned his head back a bit and his eyes shifted to the side a little. He doesn't believe I will last in this conviction? The 26 years up until now have proven otherwise. 'Does your interest extend to Killua as well?' _

_'No it doesn't. He's only reachable for Gon because of his tunnel vision. Oh, and for you as well of course, because you look like someone he's killed before.' I nodded and his eyes shifted back. 'Either way, I'm flattered that you find my intelligence alluring enough that it could cause a trigger. Whatever your reason is for purposely putting yourself in these situations, I will be there to stop anything serious from happening. Is that alright with you?' I nodded again. This just meant he would be there with every session and will not touch me himself. 'Now,' he stood up with that word. 'I will refrain from agitating you even more, and would like to ask if it's alright I take a shower here.' _

_'Up the stairs, second door on the left.' I pointed at the general direction, 'After you're done we're continuing this questioning; it's a good test to prepare for the session at Killua's house.' He smiled down on me and nodded lightly. He walked off after having given me a look that spelled that he now knew more about me than he was verbally expressing. _

_This conversation was a good test, but I need to watch what I'm doing. Although not impossible, having to take care of a trigger on my own takes a bit more effort. _

_However, doing this practice now, I couldn't ask for a better test._

_What does Chrollo now know about me though. He knows I have an attachment to this house; he's most probably either guessing personal attachment or convenience for something other than work. I haven't given him anything that could narrow it down more than that. _

_He knows that I practice what I do because I'm – now more consciously than not – keeping options open to another life. However he has no idea what that is. _

_In return, I don't think he lied to me about his past. What he told me was very basic and doesn't tell me anything about him. His defensive stance seems to have been genuine. That he told me this without asking for anything in return tells me he will try one thing or the other in the near future though. This is not good; not after this morning. _

* * *

'You let your guard down, how unusual.' I stiffened up for a second and dropped the shirt I was holding when I felt the touch of Chrollo's hand against my neck, and his fingers against my cheek. _When had he snuck up on me..?_

My instinct kicked in a second later though, and I grabbed that hand, twirling him in front of me with a force, and twisted his arm so he'd be forced to the ground. I placed my legs on either side of him and pinned both his hands down. He was still undressed, and I'd been in the middle of redressing, so by now there was a lot of contact between our skins. This wasn't doing me much good.

I saw a smile of accomplishment on Chrollo's face, but vision was slowly fading as my hair glided down my back and shoulder, and fell around his head like a curtain. I didn't allow for changing facial expressions, but I felt I needed to step away before something would go wrong.

'So… what's going to happen now?'

* * *

_A/N_

_Ooooeeeehhh Chrollo's on top of his precious treasure now isn't he.  
Well, underneath it, but w/e  
*Wiggles eyebrows suggestively*  
_

_And yes, yes I did. Phinks is a dog.  
And I will have the first one shot request up either tomorrow or the day after  
But I'm aiming for tomorrow!  
_


	14. Monday January 7th

The scene before me was slightly confusing.

Neither of my shrinks were here, and on top of that it was Hisoka sitting in Illumi's chair. I wasn't exactly looking forward to three hours alone with that guy. _Why weren't my shrinks here, though._

'You're going to stand there pouting for three hours? I got up early just for you.' Hell no, I wasn't spending time alone with this creep.

'Where are Illumi and Chrollo?'

'They're working on your case, _very_ hard.' He wasn't even trying to conceal that he was lying. I leaned my shoulder against the doorframe and furrowed my eyebrows a bit more. I need to fill these hours, I know, but will I still be alive at eight? Remembering yesterday, I wasn't so sure of that.

_I don't know what kind of consequences you've had last morning Illumi; but if you're this sensitive to touch, then bringing you to my parents' house without actually getting you framed, is going to be tougher than I thought._ What does Chrollo even have to do with all of this, is he a victim in all of this? Do you actually get violent because of touch?

'Do the hours still count if it's you, or are you just here for your own amusement?'

'Oh, it's all official, don't worry. Illumi is going to do the paperwork for that.' His grin was unchanging through all of this, but his eyes told me…

…I can't believe I fucking considered leaving the door open like I'm some kid afraid of the dark. Being away from my job is doing bad things to my nerves.

'Then I guess it's alright, but I want a good explanation why they're not here. After all the fuss they've made about me filling my hours, they better have a good reason.' I crossed my arms and pushed myself away from the doorframe, slowly walking towards the new couch. The cabinet had also already been replaced. _Well that was quick_; _then what took them so long on my room. _

'You'll have to ask them when they come in later today. I only got a one second call last night.' He leaned his elbow on the armrest and inclined his head to his hand – laying a finger on his lips and watching me intently when I sat down. _You know exactly what's going on_.

'Will they be here to accompany me when Gon comes to visit?' I suddenly got a dreaded feeling when his eyes narrowed and he answered,

'I will most probably be the one to do that.' What the hell kind of serious consequences were these that you still feel them 24hours later, Illumi?!

'Are you allowed to?'

'I'll have to ask.'

'And if you're not allowed and neither of my shrinks show up today?'

'Then you'll get a rescheduling.' I pouted at the thought of that. I really don't want to spend a whole week without contact with him while I'm in here. 'How close are you two?' I kept my eyes narrowed at him while leaning forward on my legs and looking at him intently. If I had to make a distinction between all three of these shrinks, it was that Illumi's a calculating predator, Chrollo's an invisible predator, and Hisoka's a predator that knows its strength and plays with its food. There's nothing in his look that tells me he wants to… treat me.

'We're very close, we tell each other everything.' He looked amused,

'Oh? So he knows about your profession?' I forced my face to not change expressions,

'What profession? I'm still in school. I'm only 14, you know.' Good, my voice remained even as well, and I didn't pause.

'Should I call it extracurricular activities then?'

'I do martial arts; if that's what you're talking about, then yes Gon knows about it. He trains as well.' The tip of his tongue flicked out for a second when he heard this. _Oh like hell am I letting you near Gon. You'll eat him alive._

'Do you train together?'

'Nah, we do different sports. We're both fanatics though.'

'I know you're more versed in ways to trick your opponent while fighting, what kind of art does Gon practice then?'

'Excuse me, but how is th-'

'I don't need to explain my questions, do I? Have Chrollo and Illumi taught you this badly?' He leaned forward; resting his elbows on his knees and folding his hands, half hiding his face behind them. But even those large hands couldn't hide the amusement in his grin. I looked directly into the focus of his eyes and calculated my words for a second. _Were his eyes really golden..? Is that possible..?_

'They have a different way of handling things. They're… open in what they're doing.' His eyebrow raised slightly. Was this strange behavior for them?

'But if they're … open, then it shouldn't come as a surprise that we know you're an assassin, should it?' _Fuck you, Hisoka. Fuck you for saying it out loud. _'You don't have to admit it, if that's what's bothering you. Or should I just turn the surveillance off in this office?' He stretched out one finger probably pointing in the direction of where he could do that.

'Why would that be needed, I have nothing to confess.' At the very least I've had a day to get accustomed to the idea of them knowing about it.

His stretched out finger raised upwards and started moving left and right while shaking his head slightly.

'You're still convinced we'll send you to prison? Do you think it's worse to be there than here?' I forced my heart to keep beating normally. 'You really haven't done your homework, have you. Haven't you seen the statistics? I really thought you'd be more thorough than that. What percentage of patients that come here go to prison?' He folded his finger back and lifted his face a little so I could see his lips moving. At the very least I could confess to having hacked their system, that secret hadn't been a secret for very long. So I thought back on that information.

'A little over one percent.'

'And that is from a total of how many treated patients?'

'Two thousand thirty one.'

'What is the severity of the cases we handle?' I see where he's going with this,

'You range from attempted murder to serial killings, with or without signs of clinical mental illnesses.'

'How many of those actually belong in prison?'

'… …' Probably ninety percent of them. At the very least Feitan…

'We exist for research purposes. Didn't your parents tell you that we found you, and not the other way around?'

'So you're… what? A place that miraculously cures killers?' His grin grew once again before he answered.

'Nothing miraculous about it.'

'You're just _that_ good, are you.' I gave him a bored look. He snickered shortly at my answer,

'Would you believe it if I said yes?'

'No.'

'Have you researched me?' His eyebrows raised for a moment and he inclined his head a little, obviously hoping for a positive answer. And yes, yes I looked him up after we met him right before I came here. So I nodded to his question. 'How many patients have I treated, and how many have gone to prison?'

'In the five years you're here, you've completed a hundred treatments, and none of those went to prison.'

'And how many of them have left this place?'

'… …' I straightened my back a little when I realized what he was saying.

'We stop actively treating them after a while, but not all of them are allowed to fully leave afterwards. We keep them around for… other purposes.'

'What kind of purposes?'

'Do you think Dr. Machi is capable of killing?' I narrowed my eyes a bit more at him. They employed their patients sometimes..?

'… are _you_?' _Is it really humanly possible to stretch your mouth that wide..?_

'So you see, we're not the least bit interested in imprisoning you. Although some of our psychologists do feel morally obligated to try. To be honest, it's only me, Illumi and Chrollo that really don't care. The only thing those two have done up until now is discern how much of a killer you are, and getting you to admit one way or the other that you are. My guess lays with that you have a hundred kills to your name, how much has it been? We have a small wager going.' He unfolded his hands completely to hold up one finger, indicating the number. _Even if you're not sending me to prison, I can't talk about it, so it's no use either way. _

'So… what? Even if you know someone's gonna kill again, you're setting them free?'

'You don't need to concern yourself with that.' Actually I do. Will I just stay here forever, or will I be allowed back to my old life? What're you guys fucking aiming at?

One thing was sure by now though. I don't think it's a question anymore that Illumi's mother was a Death's Deliverer. And all of this confession explains the uneasy feeling I've had around all of them; that feeling they would stab my back if they'd ever get a reason to. _You're all killers, all three of you, aren't you? _

I sighed deeply and let myself fall back against the backrest,

'Fine! Whatever. I don't know if you're lying, but it doesn't really matter either way. I'm not an assassin. You missed the board with me.' I really can't say if he's telling the truth, but Hisoka _did_ give me a way to let my parents find out some things about this place. You usually don't do that if you're lying your ass off, do you?

'Does Gon know that you're not?' I could hear the amusement in his voice.

'Yes he knows. Why wouldn't he know that I don't kill people?'

'Then what was your motivation for the attempted murder on Ging Freeccs?'

'It was a series of unfortunate events, we've been over this.' _Don't force me to go down this road, Hisoka. _

'… …' He only stared at me for half a minute. Each passing second seemed to make the distance between us smaller when he looked me in the eyes. What was he seeing..? 'Who learned you how to hack?'

'I learned it by myself.' I quirked an eyebrow when he asked.

'What kind of martial arts did you borrow your killer moves from?'

'I don't really remember, I've done a ton of arts and they kinda blended together.'

'Are you better in close- or long range fighting?'

'Look at me, you really think I can do long range?' Bullshit, he was referring to the use of hidden weapons,

'Will you make your presence disappear for me like you did before fighting Illumi?'

'What are you talking about? I never did that.' He laughed shortly before leaning back in the chair and leaning his head on one hand, loosely crossing his legs. _Has he blinked yet during these questions? _

'How very interesting.'

'What is?' He put me on edge.

'Let's go back to Gon—'

'No, what—'

'I'm sorry, was I finished talking?' His eyes widened for a short second, and I immediately closed my lips again. He knows, doesn't he? He knows I can't talk about being an assassin. I only made my presence disappear when fighting Illumi because I didn't mind giving that away so I could seriously learn fighting skills from him. But now that I'm in front of Hisoka, I can only deny I ever did. While, you know, he was actually there when I did it.

'… …'

'Should I contact Zeno first to confirm if I'm allowed to take you two out or not?' He leisurely pointed his finger towards the phone on the desk. I closed my eyes and nodded. It wasn't necessarily dangerous that he knew. I mean, they fucking know what I do, so me not being able to talk about it is not a big deal. The only thing I need to focus on right now is finding out how to get them to help me getting my parents off my case.

Oh, and, you know, find out if I'll ever get out of here and what kind of fucking guinea pig I am to them. What is the actual purpose of this institution…

'You're very interesting, just so you know. Apart from Feitan, I don't think I've seen someone like you in a long time. It's a shame I have not been put on your case. I think you would've been perfect for me.' He stood up with those words, and walked towards the desk. 'When you're able to, please tell me the number of kills on your name though, I do have a lot of money in this bet.'

_And here I thought _I _came from a demented environment…_

* * *

'It's 8am.'

'Thank you, I am aware.' I raised myself from my pillow and looked up at Chrollo already standing fully dressed in the middle of the room. Never mind taking care of a trigger myself, it hasn't been this bad in a while even with Hisoka. I didn't think having just one high level case was going to do this. I need to reconsider if it's still worth it putting myself through this. Chrollo learned more about me than I wanted him to know. With his need to ensnare me somehow, he needs to know as little as possible about me. I don't want or need the kind of bond he wants from me.

'I have a case at 12, I won't be available 'till after working hours. I take it we're going to discuss this later today?' He turned his head around halfway his words, 'I believe I haven't seen half your hid-'

'There's little to discuss. I suggest you focus on your work, and talk with Killua's parents about the session at their house.' He gave me a light smile and stopped his movements for a moment, just to quietly look at me. By now this did little to me anymore, and I gave him a blank stare back. Judging from last night, he will look for more opportunities to evoke these reactions from me. I don't believe taking him off the case will result in him leaving me alone anymore. I need to think of a better way to not let it get this out of hand.

'How late can I tell Hisoka you'll be there to relieve him from Gon?'

'I will be there at 11.' I swung my legs off the bed and stood up to get some clothes, bringing all my hair to my back while walking to the closet. I will need a shower before going to work.

'Alright. If you still want to test yourself for the session at Killua's house, I'll see you at seven tonight.' He turned back around and walked out the door. I stopped looking for clothes for a moment to think if any of the methods of my old life would be useful to keep him at bay. However, there were few that would ensure he would live. I will have to deal with him and Hisoka in a new way.

I turned away from my closet when I heard my phone ringing downstairs, and casually walked down to pick it up. I didn't think it would keep ringing 'till I got there, this insistency could only mean one person,

'Hisoka, shouldn't you be accompanying Killua and Gon.'

_'No, _you_ should be.' _I lifted an eyebrow when I heard Zeno's voice at the other side of the line, and changed my mindset to talking with the head of the institution.

'Hisoka didn't talk with you about him filling in?'

_'There's no such thing as filling in with this job, Illumi. Patients shouldn't alternate, it's one of the basics I've taught you. Both you and Chrollo will answer for this at seven tonight.' _

'My apologies. I will take the blame for this, Chrollo was only…'

_'Don't insult me, I know what's been going on between you two. I also know that you left the session early yesterday as well. I want you in my office half an hour earlier.' _

'I will be there.' He sighed deeply before continuing,

_'Illumi… you attacked Hisoka without it being a sparring session, you leave one session and skip another, you kicked Chrollo's shoulder out of its socket… if I don't hear a decent reason why you're not giving more of the pressure to Chrollo to avoid triggers, you're off this case.' _

'I understand. I will see you at six thirty.' This sounded more serious than I'd anticipated, and I raised my hand to fix my hair once again. If there is anyone from whom I can take orders unconditionally, it's Zeno. So this conversation came in loud and clear.

_'Until then.' _He hung up. I should've expected all of this to have a consequence; however, failing to meet standards of this institution has not happened before, as such Zeno never needed to scold me for it.

I still believe Zeno is testing me in some kind of way on this case; had the results of his tests disappointed him? Had he not expected Chrollo to fail in supporting me? Putting me in a trigger situation with Chrollo supporting me hadn't been his test?

I put the phone down on its stand again and walked back upstairs to take the much needed shower. I lifted a hand and stroke a finger softly across my cheek where I felt another drop of blood trickling down. I walked in the bathroom and looked in the mirror hanging above the sink. I will take care of the little flowing blood after I finish washing the dried up portion off me.

* * *

'Hahaha! Ohoho! Oh man, stop! Please for the love of god, I can't…!' At first I wanted to cover my mouth to keep my laugh to myself, but watching Gon haul in that giant trampoline – a fucking new one that was even bigger – was too much for my funny bone. 'You're killing me, please… please let me help.' I tried my hardest to form comprehensible words. I hope you have those fucking pictures from public transport like you promised, Gon.

'I've got it! I told you I've got it! I just need…' He was completely focused on getting it in the building when clearly it needed to be moved on its side. _How the hell have you made it here with that sleepy head of yours. _No, never mind. This is way too fucking hilarious to watch. 'There!' The top of the packaging had almost ripped off while he pulled it through the door, and I had to hold on to the wall while laughing to keep standing. I clenched my stomach and calculated the possibility of me dying of laughter today.

'I… I… give me a moment.' I waved at Gon when he gave me a strange look. I had to close my eyes and turn away from him for a second to catch my breath. The mere thought of seeing him like this on the road was just… it was too much… When I heard him walking towards me, I raised a hand and took a couple of deep breaths before turning back around.

'It was a lot of trouble getting it here, you know. It doesn't exactly perfectly fit in a bus. I took in about eight seats in the back.' I snickered for another second at that image before I was finally able to respond again.

'I know, I'm… I'm sorry.' I wiped away the tears from laughing and looked up at him. You dork, I can't believe you actually did this, 'I'm really grateful that you did. But… you know… I never thought you'd actually do it.' I patted him on the shoulder out of gratitude and said to myself, 'I have no idea how the hell you managed though…'

'Ah! You wanted pictures of that, right?' My eyes widened for a second when I heard those enthusiastic words and did my utmost best to keep from bursting into another laughing fit.

'Please, please save them for later, I can't do this right now.' I grabbed his arm to stop him from getting his phone out of his pocket.

'Then where can we set this up?' I snorted again when thinking about the route to the gym. It would take half an hour to get it down there. Although it would be totally worth it, it would be more handy if we just carried the parts there.

'You're incorrigible. How is your body so much more awake than your brain is?' I pricked his forehead before he looked back insulted.

'Hey! I rescheduled school all the way to summer break for you, give me some credit.'

'I am, don't worry.' I gave him a genuine smile after that before continuing, and his face relaxed a bit more after that as well. 'Let's just take the parts out and carry them to the gym, it'll be easier that way. You gonna help us? You're supposed to supervise, right?' I looked back and challenged Hisoka with the look on my face. Suddenly, in Gon's presence, Hisoka didn't feel like half the threat he'd felt like during session.

'Where's Illumi and Chrollo?'

'Like hell I know, they sent me him as substitute.'

'You're that friend of Illumi's, right?' Hisoka nodded when Gon addressed him. 'Thank you for helping out as well.'

'Not a problem, how is your father doing?' I could feel that grin of his burning in my back, but Gon – once more – didn't feel anything of it and answered normally.

'Ah, it's taking longer than they expected for him to wake up, but there's nothing critical, so it'll be alright.' The smile after those words was directed at me.

'Ah~ that must be good to hear for Killua-kun as well. Even though in a couple of weeks he'll be fo—' All blood left my face when I realized where that sentence was going, and I interrupted him,

'Yeah, I'm really glad to hear it's going well with your dad. Let's unpack and talk about it on our way to the gym.'

'Alright!' I know Gon _must_ have picked up on something of what Hisoka said, but he just gleamed at me before taking the initiative and toppling the package over.

Behind me I heard the redhead snickering in amusement, and I instantly regressed myself into a killing mood to be able to exude the bloodlust I had learned during my fight with Illumi. Hisoka stopped walking passed me and listened for a second when he felt this,

'If you do anything else to endanger my friendship today – or any other day - I will find a way to take your head without it having consequences for me.' From the corner of my eyes I noticed him straightening his back a little, and his full interest on me. At this point I didn't care he found this side of me interesting or not, I do not let these "slip-ups" go unpunished, and he needs to know his place as substitute shrink.

After a couple of seconds I heard a snicker escape him before he responded.

'You're finally aware of how to survive this place, I'm so proud.' It was the same menacing tone he'd used yesterday, but somehow I didn't feel nearly as threatened. He brought his hand to his lips a second before walking on to help Gon.

* * *

'Hey! Hey! But you can't make it to the ceiling!'

'Are you kidding me? Watch me go!'

'Isn't it a beautiful sight, such childlike innocence, and yet Killua-kun has probably already killed dozens of people, and I don't hold it above Gon's head either.' I had made it to the institution by eleven, and stood beside Hisoka, watching the boys bounce on the giant trampoline on the court. I cocked my head and still had to wonder how Gon had managed to get it here with public transport.

'The way he deals with this whole situation is abnormal indeed, he has seen more unnatural death in his life. Killua is most likely unaware of this. Have they been on it this whole morning?'

'Do you want to give it a go?' I turned my head a little and saw the amusement on his face. He was just eager about having Gon here fulltime. Which will most likely happen if we want Killua to ever leave – it probably _is_ the only way for Killua to save Ging.

'What did you learn this morning?' He gave a short chuckle, and I turned my head back to the boys. Didn't seem like they wanted to go out, but Killua is entitled to.

'That Dr. Lucilfer had an interesting night last night.'

'That interesting night has caused a meeting with Zeno, I will be fighting to stay on this case. So if your goal is to have both Killua and Gon to yourself, you are doing well. However I know this is never your goal. I'm highly suggesting you stop your jealousy. I will maim you without anyone ever knowing it was me if you continue to inconvenience me. I will take care of my triggers by myself from now on.' I turned my eyes a bit more towards him when I heard a low chuckle exit his throat, but decided to continue. 'What did you learn from Killua this morning?' The chuckle stopped before he answered,

'He was unaware of the nature of this institution. He's also physically unable to talk about his profession.'

'He is?'

'He seems less unwilling to talk about it now though.'

'I will learn his way of talking around it then.' Although it will most probably take a long time before he actually talks with us about it.

'You can also learn threatening from him, compared to how you used to be and compared to how he did it this morning, I barely got a chill from your words.' Killua threatened him? 'And he doesn't even know why he did it, he's got a huge blind spot, and he thinks he's got it all figured out. He's such a mess.' From the corner of my eye I saw him licking his lips. That Killua had been placed in mine and Chrollo's care instead of Hisoka's was a mystery in itself. Hisoka was the one to go to when it concerned people that were suspected of killing more than a dozen. But I trust Zeno's judgment for now.

'I will work on it then.' After that I stepped away from him and called in both the boys to assess if they still felt the need to go out. I was a bit taken aback by the smiling happy faces when they answered positively – even though Killua gave me an calculating look while passing me.

It is impossible for him to know the exact nature of my issue, but he is obviously aware of some of the outcomes and he's weighing his options to deploy his plan, isn't he?

* * *

_A/N_

_I'm pulling out all stops, people.  
I'm going full psycho on y'all  
_

_oooeeeh I feel all tingly from letting Hisoka handle a session.  
Things are gonna change now that Killua knows exactly where he is :3_


End file.
